Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #7.

Context and goals:

Tonight, I went to the same Meetup as last week – the one aimed at 20 – 30-somethings – which was being held at another bar I’d never been to before. Since many people last week told me that, even if I’m not comfortable in crowded/loud bars, I ought to try and stick it out thereat in order to step out of my comfort zone and acclimatize myself to such environments, I vowed that I would indeed stick it out if the bar turned out to be like that, and also schedule at least one of my approaches for when the atmosphere was like that to gain experience at doing so. It had also dawned on me that perhaps I’d been taking too long to cut to the chase and ask for numbers during my conversations, and that from now on, I’d try to build rapport and get this over and done with quickly, within the span of five minutes, as some people have suggested I try to do in the past. I decided not to set myself an approach quota tonight, as I wanted to concentrate on simply getting the aforementioned aspects right.

Account:

Tonight was, far and away, the most chaotic night I’ve thus far had.

I arrived quite early, so that I could get at least some approaches in before it became crowded/loud, wherein my scheduled approach would likely be of poorer quality. However, the bar turned out to not even to be open yet. I figured that I might as well take the opportunity to do something I’ve been vowing to do but putting off doing for a long time now – go to a bar and approach some women without the pretext of a Meetup. So to pass the time waiting for the first bar, where the Meetup was to be held, to open, I went looking for another bar by myself. The first bar I found was a sausage fest and I left quickly, but it was an interesting bar, with old-fashioned arcade machines, so I filed it under “interesting-bars-you-might-take-future-dates-to”. The second bar I found had some women, so I did two approaches. The first told me upfront that she had a boyfriend. The second was a set of two. I had a good quality conversation with them. Last week, with the girl who’s number I had got, I had played a game wherein I had offered her three clues as to what my job was, and then offered her three guesses as to what it was. If she guessed wrong, she had to give me her number. The girl last week seemed to have enjoyed this, and it was certainly more fun/memorable than the old: “hUrR dUrR, wAdAyA dO?”, so I figured I’d try it again with these women. I did, and they too, seemed to enjoy it. (They laughed, slapped my back, etc.). Then, alas, they announced that they, too, had a husband and boyfriend, respectively.

By now, the Meetup was scheduled to start, so I headed back to the first bar. The organizer was there, but get this: he’d mistakenly scheduled the Meetup to start a full hour before the bar actually opened. So I now had another full hour to kill. As it happened, I bumped into an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen for over a year, and asked if he’d like to come with me to mull about at another bar whilst waiting. He said yes, so we wandered around to find another bar. There, I did a third approach, but she said she was: “waiting for someone”. I told the guy about how I’d been looking for a wing and asked if he’d be interested, but he said that he no longer bothers to approach girls at bars outside of Meetups, because, in his personal experience, they’re almost never responsive. He did say that he has another friend who’s very much into it who he’ll try to hook me up with.

Then we went back to the first bar a second time, where the organizer announced that he’d learned that the bar had a $25 dollar entry fee, cash only. There had been no mention of this on the Meetup’s website, and I only had a credit card on me, so now I, as well as several other people including the old acquaintance, were barred from the Meetup altogether, and were pretty pissed in consequence. Me and the guy decided to go to yet another bar, and asked if anyone else would like to come with us, but nobody did.

The fifth bar that evening was a float on the river, and it was loud and crowded, so now was my chance to try what I’d vowed to do. I went on an approach binge, approaching eight individuals/sets, for a combined total of 11 approaches that evening – the most I’ve ever approached in a single night in my life. All but one rejected immediately, either claiming to have boyfriends/husbands, claiming to be on a “girls’ night out” and wanting to talk to each other, or simply saying “hi” and then turning back to their friends without saying anything further. My resolve ran out quickly. The eighth woman was drunk out of her everloving mind, and started flirting with me and kissing me almost immediately, and for a second, I wondered if I was about to experience a repeat of my fifth night. Then she, too, announced she had a husband, who was there, and although she did not discontinue trying to kiss me, I backed away myself, as I did not want the guy to potentially spot us, come over and punch me, or something. The other guy did not initiate any of the approaches himself and barely said anything after I had done so; I had to do all the work.

The guy and I tried going to a sixth bar, but the line outside was miles long, and by this point, my heart was well and truly no longer in it. We grabbed a meal together, exchanged numbers, and I went home.

Reflection

Phew. That was all a bit much.

Folks, I’m starting to feel a bit indecisive about what I ought to be doing. After 35 approaches, I really feel as if I ought to have gotten more than one phone number. I want to work my way up to asking for that, but I can’t do that if I’m just getting rejected immediately most of the time. (Re. the manner in which I’m approaching; I’m trying to do it in the manner I’ve read you’re supposed to; by approaching from the side or front, making eye contact, smiling, and either saying: “Hi, this is really random, but you’re really cute, and I just had to come and talk to you”, or observing something about them).

I’ve been vowing to approach women at bars without the pretext of a Meetup, but if the typical results of doing so are anything like what the results I got tonight, when I finally did so, with almost all of the women either already having (or claiming to have) boyfriends/husbands, or wanting to talk to their friends, then I don’t really see what the point is. And the stuff the other guy told me reifies this.

The “three clues, three guesses as to what my job is” game has worked well twice, so I’ll try that a third time.

Although the other guy didn’t do anything himself, so I can’t honestly call him a wingman, I think his presence did motivate me to approach more than I otherwise would have. Should I hang out with him again if this is the case, or will his inaction drag the quality of the approaches down enough to cancel out the worth of the increased number of approaches? Should I push for him to put me in contact with the other guy he told me about?

P.S.: I’m going to a speed-dating session this Thursday (odd day for it, I know). I’ve been to such sessions before, but experienced no results thereat – although that was before I knew most of the theory which I know now. I was just wondering if anyone had any tips for me? Should I essentially treat the session as a series of pre-arranged approaches, and do more or less the same thing I’d do during approaches?

Tally:

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Approaches: 35.

Immediate rejections: 13.

Conversations: 18.

Phone number rejections: 4.

Phone numbers: 1.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 1.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.