Last night I went on a date (or so I thought)..... Flashback. Ok quick back story I'm 19 years old I'm a mixed kid, avid reader, writer, poet, singer and rapper. Yes I'm all of that amongst that I'm a Psychology Major and I'm rather interestingly boring, ironic isn't it? Inside my head lies the most complex of thoughts and things I can do to get the girl yet boring old ways tend to surface. I was always not good with women until I discovered the book "Magical Tactics" and boys dramatic pause that book changed my fucking life. So here I am this AFC as Neil would say turned UPUA (Upcoming Pick Up Artist). I was on fire there was hardly a girl that could intimidate me and I usually most if not all of the girls I talk to, to like me and have a huge crush on me. I still do from time to time but after losing a record deal I lost all hope in myself and basically turned to porn as an escape (worst mistake ever). So where do I stand now? Well not to brag but -chuckles- I got called an asshole last night by my date and practically flunked out on getting intimate with her because of me being that way. Now I'm by no means an asshole, the reason she called me that was because I was teasing her, which she took for me being serious. Although while reflecting it did seem a bit harsh for real but anyways after me telling her that she looked old (bare in mind I was teasing her) when she came back in she made her friend sit between us and it was in that moment, LeRick knew he fucked up. It went downhill from there and I ended up at home crying in the night because I reached rock bottom in my life and it just all came out, all those built up rages and anger repressed, loneliness and sadness just burst out and I let out the waterworks because I knew I was a failure. It was also in that moment that I found the strength to push on and see if I can make it all right again by taking control of my actions and my life.

P.s I haven't cried in our 3 years and it was worth it. So now I'll see if I'll get another shot at a date with her since she's leaving Saturday, hopefully this time I'll get it right.

P.s.s I'm also going back to the basics (where it all started, the book Magical Tactics). I'm in the process of reading it again.

P.s.s.s You guys are gonna love my genius and your advices are always welcomed :)