Online dating, after minimal conversation she asks if I want to grab drinks.

kerbuffel · 2014-01-25T13:33:17+00:00

With online dating you immediately want to go to the date. Three exchanges, tops. You're not going to learn anything value emailing or texting.

If you're concerned about the cash, take them somewhere with drink specials. Take them out to coffee. Split a six pack in the park. Or, you know, make them pay for their own drinks.

SolidScorpion · 2014-01-25T13:23:51+00:00

That's interesting. What's your conversation like and what do you talk about with a girl you haven't seen a single time on facebook so that she invites you to hang out?

braknurr · 2014-01-25T18:21:10+00:00

Although my online dating experience has been negative (meaning I either don't get replies or never more than one exchange) I can say I'd rather meet the person ASAP rather than chat continuously. You have nothing to lose by meeting a person in a public place and nothing to gain by chatting online and trying to "describe" yourself. If you find a boring evening, then good! You achieved way more than you would have if you were chatting.

MattStyles · 2014-01-25T19:06:19+00:00

at least you should talk to them on the phone. you will quite quick notice if there is a sort of chemistry. and i mean not what they talk, but how they talk. just call and talk about random stuff. how was your day etc. wou will get quickyl an idea of how you like them.

RagaTanha · 2014-01-25T20:48:08+00:00

Jump straight in again. You're problem is you arn't escalating physically/emotionally on the date. You're being boring date guy.

Expert-here · 2014-01-25T14:33:50+00:00

Drop a $20 on drinks? Money bags over here

jimmyayo · 2014-01-25T22:39:48+00:00

OP, I really think this advice could help you:

(Firstly, everybody's saying this and I agree: getting to know someone in person is much more effective than trying to get to know them over online communication. You're asking "why can't I just hit it off w/ these women when we meet face to face?" But that's the whole point of going out on a date - to see if you'll have real chemistry.)

Now it's hard to tell because there's so little context provided regarding how your dates went, so this might be reaching a bit - but it sounds like the conversations are staying pretty dry, mundane, superficial, boring.

Perhaps you need to try to have a deeper conversation w/ these girls (and it's all on you to lead into that btw). You're not going to have chemistry or an emotional connection from just talking about your favorite bands and stores or ice cream flavors.

Also, are you flirting enough, or does it feel like you're hanging out w/ your guy neighbor down the street? Pushing vs pulling? Does your interaction w/ these girls have a certain sexual vibe to it? Are you building, and then breaking rapport? These are all very effective ways to build a strong connection w/ someone on a first date, hope you can use them to your (and your date's) benefit.

Tumble85 · 2014-01-25T17:07:32+00:00

I always pay on first dates, but my first dates are usually hopping around to bars and if it goes well, a quick bite to eat afterwards.

If 20 dollars is an upsetting amount of money to lose, you shouldn't even be going out.

cpcallen · 2014-01-25T16:09:07+00:00

If I'm going to drop $20+ on drinks I want to know it's going to go somewhere. Ha. Should I just tell them that? I'm not even talking about sex.

I assume you did not mean it that way, but you come off sounding like one of those guys who expects a woman to 'put out' just because he's spent a little money on her. That's a shitty attitude, and understandably gets described as "rapey".

But if you put it the other way, then you have the answer to your problem: don't spend (much) money on someone until it's clear it is going somewhere. It's shouldn't be a big deal to buy the first drink (in a situation where you'be arranged in advance to meet up - obviously it's different if you've just met someone while out already), but after that if she's interested enough to keep hanging out she's also most likely to be willing to buy the second round.

Title	Online dating, after minimal conversation she asks if I want to grab drinks.
Author	mrhorrible
Upvotes	13
Comments	28
Date	January 25, 2014 1:13 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1w4300/online_dating_after_minimal_conversation_she_asks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/online-dating-after-minimal-conversation-she-asks.1364953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1364953

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