Over AA, can't hold a good conversation

HappyJerk · 2013-12-06T17:32:33+00:00

My take: http://playersjourney.net/how-to-have-a-conversation-with-a-woman/

I see a lot of guys ask about how to have a conversation with a woman. Here’s one idea; let me know what you think. Basically, the TLDR is:

TLDR: Identify the strongest emotion that she is feeling and address that emotion in the most ALPHA WAY POSSIBLE

Let’s back up: women, like men, are a ball of emotions, most of which are irrational. They are constantly being tossed to and fro by these emotions, and they themselves can’t understand where these feelings came from or what they mean or why they have them. It’s actually worse for women because science has shown that, because of the way chemicals in their brain work, women are more than twice as likely as men to suffer from anxiety and depression – meaning they have literally twice the emotions to deal with. Women are twice as likely to freak out, be worried, and feel insecure/insignificant, etc… Add that to the fact that we live in a misogynistic society where men don’t listen to women and are constantly lying to women to get them into bed. No matter how hot or powerful these women are, they need to have these emotions addressed and their fears assuaged – most powerfully in the form of attention by men. And women, like men, are generally selfish with their emotions so they don’t want to waste their time worrying about somebody else’s emotions unless they can get some direct benefit as well. If you look at reasons that women reject men, it is often because men are “inattentive” to them, that they don’t “listen,” and that they talk about themselves too much.

As a practical matter, it may be difficult to determine what emotion that woman is feeling, especially if you just met her. It’s an art – you have to listen to every word she says carefully, “read her,” analyze her body language, and try to figure out what kind of person she is. Sometimes it’s easy – if she is clearly a vegan/hippie chick you can quickly guess what she cares about, what to say, and what definitely NOT to say. But generally, if you can strike up any kind of conversation with a woman, she will quickly drop hints as to what she cares about. If the woman is not emitting any signals at all, sometimes you just have to guess. One of my most impressive pickups was when I was in a really douche, materialistic nightclub full of attractive people. I saw a really hot blonde chick with fake tits around a bunch of short, ugly guys. Being drunk, and full of courage, I walked up to her and said “you’re way too hot to be with these guys.” (Kids, don’t try this at home). She immediately hugged me and said “OMG you’re sooo right!” I was in, and only because I had successfully guessed that a really attractive woman at a really douchey, materialistic club would be very self-conscious of her appearance and what kind of guys she surrounded herself with. That same line definitely would not work at a Star Wars convention.

A lot of women are only attracted to men that are emotionally unavailable. I’ve always wondered why that was, and I now think that part of the reason is that emotionally unavailable/disinterested men can paradoxically address women’s emotions better than a guy that likes the woman. Why? The guy that really likes the woman will bring his own emotions into the relationship, annoying and frustrating her, making it harder for her to get attention for HER emotions. Let’s say a woman says to the guy “how come you never call me?” A chump that had feelings for the girl would get all emotional and be like “call you? Why don’t you call me? Calling is a two-way street, y’know, blah blah blah.” But an emotionally unavailable/disinterested guy would be like “call you? Ok yeah, I’ll call you.” Even if the AFC tried to address her emotions it wouldn’t feel authentic to her because she knows there is an ulterior motive underlying his words, whereas an emotionally unavailable guy is just telling the complete truth. Only offer up your own emotions if the girl asks for them and even then only a little bit. You know that girl that really liked you but stopped hanging out with you cuz you got too clingy? Well, the truth is that she still likes you but she is avoiding you because she doesn’t want to deal with your emotions – she just wants her emotions addressed. Period. A lot of guys think that women are looking for a guy to fall madly in love with them, but in reality women would rather have a guy that coolly and calmly addressed their emotions, even if he doesn’t like them.

One last point – you don’t have to fix the woman’s problems. You just have to BE THERE as an ALPHA . Let’s say the girl is complaining to you about her boss at work. My old AFC self would have sat and listened attentively and then explained to her how to fix her problems with her boss. But that’s NOT what she wants to hear. Fixing her relationship with her boss is hard work – she would rather just be with an alpha male that can make everything feel good. So if a girl is complaining about her boss, nowadays I will just say “I have a good relationship with my boss, so I don’t know what to tell you.” This makes the girl feel better because, instead of improving her relationship with her boss, which is hard work, she can cuddle with me and feel close to me, a person who has a good relationship with their boss and is strong and powerful. Obviously that is stupid and counterproductive because when she wakes up in the morning she has to face her boss again, but HELLO WELCOME TO HUMAN NATURE! For most of the emotional issues girls have, being “accepted” by somebody who is powerful and in control will make them feel better.

When listening to a girl’s problems and/or addressing her emotions you have to make it clear that you are not a shoulder to cry on or a doormat. The entire time keep a distance and a level of feigned disinterest so she realizes that the attention you are giving her, which is golden, is something valuable and that she needs to work to keep it. By not introducing any conditions or weird requests into the relationship you seem like a golden angel come from heaven to make her feel good, asking nothing in return. You become a drug that she NEEDS, because nobody can address her emotions like you can. But let her know that you’re not a doormat, and you can toss this attention to any girl, so she needs to mind her Ps and Qs.

surfinfan21 · 2013-12-06T18:01:50+00:00

I had this problem for a while. Believe it or not it's probably not you. The girls you are talking to are most likely just boring as shit. Move on to the next one and forget about it. No big deal.

I don't recommend this but I actually once told a girl that this was one of the most boring conversations I've ever had and walked away. I caught her checking me out a couple times later on in the night and smiling my way while I was talking to other people. I don't think that's a very nice thing to say though so just move on.

Ricey015 · 2013-12-06T19:09:09+00:00

Most of us aren't great conversationalists, hey I'm a terrible one. But I think the most important thing is just to have fun, say whatever you want to say with confidence and stop over thinking the perfect line. Hey sometimes the best conversations are just taken some random out of the blue thing I just said and running with it

CapAWESOMEst · 2013-12-06T17:22:03+00:00

Google "questions to ask a girl", read it, figure out what sounds interesting to you and try to remember that next time you go out. "Mr. Interview" comes out when you're just laying down questions after questions. We don't want this guy coming out. But you need to ask a few question until one opens her up. Nicknames, most embarrassing story, biggest pet peeve, etc. One of these will make her start vomiting words and stories. Once you find it keep at it. Stop asking questions and make statements. Tells stories. Her story reminded you of something somewhat similar? Tell it. Doesn't matter if it's off topic. Thought of something witty? Say it. Doesn't matter if she's not done. This is basically how you talk with your friends. No reason why this would be any different.

Now, about the ONS thing, that doesn't change it much. Only thing is that you need to make it as sexual as you can early on. Make the story about your nickname about this one girl you slept with back in the day. Make your embarrassing story about how you were getting it on with this girl in a very dark room and missed her mouth and instead kissed her eye. Make it as sexual as you can early on. Escalate and give her the sex of her life.

nesai11 · 2013-12-06T20:07:42+00:00

I feel that perhaps you are trying to treat a ONS like a serious date, or, Perhaps you've reached that dreaded zone where ONS is no longer exciting or appealing enough to feel satisfied, which then requires you to find someone who you legitimately connect to. You seem to be putting cart before the horse here though, expecting a date-worthy conversation with ONS-worthy intentions.

Some of my best dates that lead into relationships involved me being an idiot, spilling coffee on myself on a date, or otherwise embarrassing myself... a certain vulnerability is highly attractive. People know when you're trying too hard to be funny, or to make yourself look good, and often it's off-putting.

However, if you are looking for a ONS, and are fully comfortable with that fact, Perhaps be a bit more forward with your intentions. "Mr. Interview" is only needed in professional/business settings. Hell, even most small talk and conversational conventions are a matter of formality and a means to superficially get to know someone before building a longer-term relationship... which isn't the case at all, now is it?

If she's worth dating, the conversation will flow naturally... really, it's one of the best signs of compatibility. If she's just a ONS for you, the personality compatibility isn't much of a concern, and make sure she's on the same page and it should be pretty straight-forward from there. Hell, my first ONS involved me asking for a ride home with a wink. No great conversation, no 'pitching a product'.

tl;dr: Conversation should be natural. If it is, get her number. If you're just going for a ONS, don't overthink it, just be straightforward and let your intentions be known.

2013-12-06T20:25:01+00:00

It's simply the next step that you need to practice. Don't worry about it. Like 95% of being a good conversationalist is simply being relaxed and in the moment. That pretty much comes with practice.

KidBill · 2013-12-06T21:14:07+00:00

Be genuine, man. Actually take an interest in the girl instead of thinking about the end result (sex), which ironically, leads to sex more often.

patroldog · 2013-12-06T16:03:22+00:00

Keep your eyes on the prize and keep things direct and controlled. Get her talking about herself about something you want to talk about. You are responsible for leading the conversation into things you find interesting and if she has objections to your conversation, it's then your job to logic your way into the topic.

"I don't want to have a conversation about sex." "Why?" "It's inappropriate." "That is an awful word. What does that even mean?" "It means it's not right to talk about it." "Why? Says who?" "Says me/Says society." (if she gets this far, you're doing well and she's good) "And why do you say that?/Is that really the way you want to live your life, by other people's rules?"

Etc. Logic is always the answer.

Title	Over AA, can't hold a good conversation
Author	ta1181
Upvotes	13
Comments	14
Date	December 6, 2013 3:56 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1s8y2t/over_aa_cant_hold_a_good_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/over-aa-cant-hold-a-good-conversation.1362651 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362651

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