Hi

Ever since I can remember, I was uncomfortable talking on the phone with anyone... girls, guys - I always prefer a face-to-face encounter... otherwise I take the easy way out and text. I have noticed (and worse, my parents nagging me about it when I was growing up) that I increase my talking speed, get more excited for no reason, and start pacing when on the phone. Clear signs of some sort of anxiety. I don't know why, but I don't think it matters a lot in order to relearn phone calls and especially phone game.

Can someone point me to good resources on being a better communicator on the phone and subsequently, better at phone game? Since my first post here I have been trying to phase in more phone game, but my old anxieties are creeping in.

Self-rationalizations for not using phone game and some other questions 1) If she doesn't pick up, she's not interested. If I call again, I seem desparate 2) If she does pick up, what should my frame be? I think if I have solid frame, I can communicate that better through my words. 3) I cannot see her facial expressions and so I don't know if the conversation is going good or not. Mainly because I suck at understanding vocal expressions. Have I built enough comfort? I don't know. 3) (more on the frame) What is the intent of a phone call? When I have a fixed thing that I need to talk about, its easier for me to call and talk. I know as a fact girls like to talk, and they would probably love to be on the phone... but what do I talk about? Do you directly go to your intention or do you chit chat a lot? And how do you deal with possible awkwardness on the phone? 4) How about reviving communication lines which ended weeks ago? How is calling someone out of the blue interpreted? How would you try to rebuild rapport again?

One main limiting factor for me has been the thought that the effort to call a girl implies a level of desperation. Texting makes it casual. But seems like it makes it too casual. And also, I try to make sure I never seem to too desparet, trying to employ the abundance mentality. I think I might be doing it wrong (, but escalation is another topic. How can I reframe myself so that calling people (especially girls) becomes easier?

And maybe I should throw this in, in case other people have similar issues. I think an inner core feature that I need to develop is 'forming a connection' because that can spill out in all modes of communication. If my understanding of phone game so far is accurate (and please correct me if I am wrong), its to increase comfort (which I translate as forming a deeper connection). Any thoughts on this?

tl;dr: phone calls, the line between escalation/desparation, forming a connection.