Problem with too much emotional detachment

GeoffTheArteest · 2019-12-31T14:26:39+00:00

Easy solution. Save sex for marriage. Set that standard and it will force you to address this issue because you won't be using sex to mask the underlying problems.

taco-de-moto · 2019-12-31T15:50:13+00:00

What’s the steps that you follow for dating? Seems like it’s kind of routine for you now so maybe that’s why

confusedanddaring · 2019-12-31T15:56:53+00:00

wait for sex until you know the person. Maybe these people you sleep with are simply not your type mentally. physical attraction is sexual. emotional attachment comes from knowing someone, so hold off for a bit

grrinchas · 2019-12-31T16:58:40+00:00

I have similar problem. But is not that I can't make a real connection. In fact, when I am with a women we get really connected emotionally, physically even spiritually. And for that night, or even couple of days it feels real. But then, everything disappears. I know what will happen when I will meet her, how that would feel. This makes me loose interest in her. So, then I am looking for someone else.

I think there could be deep underlying psychological issues. And I still didn't figure what that is and how to sort it.

harryhoudini66 · 2019-12-31T19:29:58+00:00

Based on your description, its sounds like you may have either an avoidant attachment style or fearful avoidant attachment style. Our adult attachment styles have to do with how we were raised. What we saw growing up as examples by our parents.

The only way to get past this would be to learn about yourself and focus on improving your emotional intelligence.

jestercake · 2019-12-31T18:45:45+00:00

I agree with the other commenters regarding saving sex. I mean I'm glad for you that you're so successful in that area, but if it's preventing you from pursuing a more meaningful relationship, then it might be worth just trying to save it for a later date.

On top of that though, I do have some additional tips. Speaking as someone who has been struggling with being too emotionally attached, I believe I can offer some valuable advice. I've been thinking a lot about why I get so emotionally attached and I believe I've reverse engineered some actions that make people (or me at least) more emotionally attached. The thing is, I can consciously decide not to get attached to a girl, for instance when I find out she has a boyfriend, so I just decide not to allow myself to develop feelings for her. When I do allow myself to become attached though, it can get really strong. Now, I personally have been trying to dial this back a lot because I was just always getting too attached to one girl, and it didn't get me anywhere because I became too needy. But the reasons for my attachment which I have identified could really help out people in your situation. So here it goes.

1) Visualisation: Imagine yourself doing fun activities with her. Imagine yourself getting into a relationship with her. Imagine yourself introducing her to your friends and relatives. Just visualize the two of you as a real couple. Even just a few days of this can go a long way in lessening your detachment (or increasing your attachment if you will).

2) Talk about her: Describe the girl to your friends. Tell them about all her good traits. By describing how cool or pretty she is, you can often realize things about her you hadn't realized before.

3) Take a few days' break: Don't text her for a few days, then text her again about something random or ask to meet up again. If necessary force yourself to get back in touch. Seeing her again might trigger something that will make you attracted again. Allowing yourself to go without her for a couple of days and then reconnecting may set something in motion. I don't remember who said this, but I once read something along the lines of "you fall in love in someone's absence". Taking the space you need and then reconnecting could achieve this.

However, I have to admit that this third point is one that I haven't actually tested so it's just a theoretical hypothesis. Ideally, you just won't see people again if you lose attraction, but since for you it seems to be a general thing where you just can't get any emotional attachment for any girl, it might be worth a try. The first two points though, I've reverse engineered from all the times I've gotten way too emotionally attached, and they have proven very effective in creating emotional attachment for me.

Hope this helps.

On a separate note, I would be very interested in the routine you use on dates. One of my biggest sticking points is making dates succesful.

Also, feel free to DM me any time should you want any more tips on getting more emotionally attached from a reluctant expert in the field.

BruhMoment45886 · 2019-12-31T19:14:33+00:00

Share your routine with me I'm not looking for love just some clapping

Title	Problem with too much emotional detachment
Author	AutomaticScientist5
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	December 31, 2019 2:05 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ei38nt/problem_with_too_much_emotional_detachment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/problem-with-too-much-emotional-detachment.1487374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1487374

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