Quick question

WIA20XX · 2019-10-14T09:31:29+00:00

when does getting angry simply make you look insecure?

Context matters. You haven't provided any. So I'll give the basics.

The most typical time this comes up on this sub, the girl flaked on the guy

"Enforcing boundaries" in those situations is likely to just end whatever there is between the two of them.

She has no investment, nothing to lose.

So texting some snarky shit over text makes the guy look like a loser.

Not that what she thinks of you are that point matters.

I really feel guys should do that dumb shit once to get it out of their systems. It doesn't make you feel better and it only invites more negativity, but guys need to get burned by the fire to not stick their hands in the flame.

As for flakes, Guys with no lives can't understand that things happen with girls who have more to do.

So his over text tantrum just makes him look insecure.

The girl has invested in the guy

As long as the relationship is in the early stages, where they both hang out and have sex and do stuff, but the two aren't a confirmed couple - enforcing boundaries with anger doesn't come off as weak...usually.

It's a problem when the mouse suddenly becomes a man. Guys in marriages that learn about this stuff are so stuck in the girl's reality, that deviation is super difficult.

But In the typical early stages of an LTR, the chick will change her behavior in the moment and maybe apologize.

In the future, Depending on what the thing is, she may stop doing it altogether, or she may just hide it from the guy.

She's her own person. You can't control her.

Chicks will do what they're going to do, no matter what rules you set up in the beginning.

Because she's used to having power, everything is always up for negotiation. She's never locked into anything.

When she fucks up again, the question becomes what is he going to do?

Is he going to end the relationship?

Regular guys that don't do pickup, try to work it out.

They cave. The boundary is fake.

They think the yelling, arguments, and fights are enough of a deterrent.

So if she fucks up/fucks him over and there are no consequences, she'll continue to get what she wants.

So if you want to enforce your boundaries, you have to be willing to walk. And a lot of guys are in such scarcity that they can't.

Even after I could pull new chicks reliably, enforcing boundaries with a girlfriend that I cared about was tough.

Bang ten girls in a couple of months and find one that you actually want to spend time with?

Jackpot!!!!

I over valued personal chemistry and compatibility. A lot of guys do.

She likes Wu Tang and Seinfeld? I'm never finding another girl like this, so I'm not gonna fuck it up!

So when the chick did something that I didn't like, I would keep it to myself.

"It's not so bad, I can live with it, a chick can't be perfect"

Invariably, not leaving when I should have, cost me a lot of time.

It took years for me to learn to not do that. You have to consider her needs in a relationship, but yours come first.

Hopefully you can learn from mistakes.

rich_god · 2019-10-14T07:49:02+00:00

Show that you’re angry when you are. Don’t hide or repress your emotions. The question is how do you express them ? Stand your ground but don’t be violent or blaming. Know that it’s your anger. Be direct and transparent and don’t try to guilt trip the other person.

Be clear on what the person is expected to do next time to not step in your boundaries. Also understand the difference between a boundary and an agreement, people sometimes get confused.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-10-14T09:27:53+00:00

Expressing anger is healthy WHEN DONE PROPERLY. Violence (against a woman) will get you crucified quick...and you will end up with not only a reputation but also a legal case.

Telling someone they are hurting you and being specific how they are doing so, is acceptable. Setting boundaries is how we teach people how to treat us.

Note IF your anger is based on not getting your way (the girl didnt like you), being rejected (the girl said no), or anything of a SELFISH nature (the girl.didnt have time...she cancelled...or she doesnt respond when you want) - then expressing THAT only stands to make you look foolish and like a "nice guy". So in this situation, your best bet is to save your dignity and walk away.

smoothmax · 2019-10-14T15:24:16+00:00

Showing anger rarely is a good strategy. Anger is a primitive defense mechanism used by animals when they feel threatened and scared. It's supposed to intimidate another animal into not physically attacking them or stealing their food.

Nothing ... and I mean nothing ... a woman says or does to you in the course of ordinary life is even slightly "threatening". Like being rude or cancelling a date. It's only threatening to your ego, which has to be extremely fragile for you to get angry in order to recover and feel safe again.

Yes you have boundaries. You enforce them with a word, a shake of the head or calm non-compliance. Showing anger is telling them, "I feel weak and scared."

Slaat_ · 2019-10-14T21:33:11+00:00

It’s best not to lose your temper all together. Let her know you don’t appreciate whatever she did to get you angry and walk away. Make sure you don’t go back to her because it shows her that your weak and don’t think you could get someone else on her level. She might come back and apologize, she might not. If she doesn’t it says a lot about her character and you’d be better off.

Title	Quick question
Author	E3Lman
Upvotes	1
Comments	5
Date	October 14, 2019 7:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dhn3lr/quick_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/quick-question.1481156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1481156

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