Just had a date that boosted my confidence quite a bit, but the missed opportunity due to my inability to escalate is taking the wind out of my sails a bit, especially since my chances of trying again with her or someone of similar calibre are quite slim. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

Date stuff

Matched a slightly older woman, typical "No ONS" profile and she's that age where Japanese are basically grasping at what they can get for a marriage partner because Japanese men ignore any girl older than 26. Or some other equally stupid, arbritary number. She was an athletic bombshell. I consider myself a 7/10 on a good day, and she was a straight up 10/10 by my personal tastes. She put effort into conversation and meeting up, and wasn't an Instagram addict either, which was refreshing. We had really good conversational chemistry over text and while we were out. Easy to make her laugh. Afternoon date after a month of texting and scheduling. We went to an airgun range where I taught her how to shoot (kino opportunity), then went to a super quiet (almost too quiet) cafe to chat. I occasionally noticed that flirtatious eye twinkle in the cafe, but the damn table kept getting in my way of escalating any kino. Parted ways after about 2.5 hours because she supposedly had plans with friends after our date (said when we scheduled over text a week ago so 50/50 chance it's true or just a convient way to end the date).

Positive takeaways

  1. I'm not shit at conversation or entertaining a girl; and this was all in a second language, and without alcohol.
  2. I'm attractive enough to catch the eye of a (personal opinion) 10/10
  3. Her attractiveness did not intimidate me at all; I felt at ease and had no hesitation to do platonic kino at the airgun range

Negative takeaways/Questions

Only one. I have so much trouble crossing that line between platonic kino and sexual kino, regardless of how attractive the girl is. I have trouble even with a 5/10 girl. I think I can split this problem into two parts:

  1. Fear of how she might reject me. The rejection itself isn't as big of a deal as how she might reject me. My mind automatically goes to the worst possible scenario, like pushing me away or storming off instead of a more cordial rejection. Typically when I have escalated kino, there was alcohol, a secluded location where we were in close proximity, and something about the atmosphere just told me she would be receptive to the escalation. I suppose this can only be improved by reaching out of my comfort zone and doing it until I get numb to the idea of being pushed or snapped at, and by getting better at reading her. The latter is the hard part because I'm a linear-concrete thinker who misses so many subtle things.
  2. Lack of understanding the "tactical" side of crossing that kino line. I bolded this one because I think that knowledge of how to execute the escalation will help me push through problem #1. How do you create the opportunities to escalate kino beyond friendly/platonic? I would have liked to at least gotten a kiss close today, but I was unable to create the opportunity to do so. Often times there's a table between me and the girl. Easy solution: Sit next to her. I asked in a joking manner but she preferred sitting across from each-other. While walking she kept friendly distance, so not sure about moving in for holding hands or arm around the waist....or really what timing to do it. What are some ways to close the distance so that you can escalate kino in these situations?