After I finished high school I moved to California to attend Community College, thinking it would be a new beginning after my shit experience at high school. Thought college would be the time of my life.......lol whoever said that needs to go back inside their mother.

4 Years (yes, 4 years in community college) pass and I am surprised I didn't kill myself, I went through 4 years of complete social isolation (didn't make a single friend in community college, and since I was in a new state, my old friends were hundreds of miles away so I had NO ONE to hang out with. I remember going to the movies to watch Skyfall alone.) and depression. 4 Years of depression, and smoking weed to deal with the depression. 4 years of obsessive searching on the Internet on how to better my situation, watching countless videos, reading articles. 4 years of desperately trying to change myself through the gym, nutrition, meditation, therapy, positive thinking, weird supplements, NoFap, anything you can fucking think of bro. I am an extremely self motivated person, but this shit was too much and I was trying damn near everything. Thats why I cringe when I see people give advice to those with social anxiety, usually its some bullshit like "just be yourself" "join clubs" like LOL. you dont get it bro.

I thought to myself well maybe its cuz I go to a community college. Maybe the finger can't be completely pointed at me. So I made an ultimate plan to do well in my courses so I could transfer to a really good school that was also a party school. And Here I am. I attend one of the biggest party schools in the country, am living with 9 turnt up dudes in a house, live on a huge party street. I am literally in the best place and time of my life to make friends and get pussy.

And honestly, I feel the same and nothing has changed. The anxiety is just too crippling. Talking to people and to girls feels like I have to go jump off a cliff or ride a rollercoaster thats never been rode on before. I am in the perfect environment, but my anxiety prevents me from taking advantage of it. Feels fucking bad, man.

I am fukin 22 and never have even kissed a girl and you don't know how furious I get when I see girls with guys. How can people, other people the same age as me, enjoy such a higher quality of life than me. I can't even imagine how it would be to live a life where girls knew me, liked me, I could fuck girls, I could hang out with girls, I wasn't alone, the feeling that girls want to fuck me, the feeling that girls want to be my girlfriend.....a life where I feel loved and appreciated, that people know me, like me, want me around them...having friends...being popular...

I just cant believe how much better most people have it better than me. I know everyone has their own problems, but they also have friends/girlfriends that help them deal with the stress of their problems. But when you have social anxiety, you have no one to go talk to/vent about your problems. You guys have friends....get laid...have girlfriends....its not fucking fair that I don't get to have any of that. Those are like the main things that make people happy. We are the same age, yet your life is filled with so much more pleasure. Fuck you, honestly.

You never have to worry about this social anxiety bullshit for your entire life. Lucky fucking you.

I get acquaintance zoned and don't know how to get close with people. I live with 9 housemates and after 2 months still haven't got close with any of them and there is this awkward vibe when I talk to them.

I get extremely uncomfortable at parties and want to leave, I feel everyone is judging me because when I talk I seem weird since I am inexperienced and have years of social isolation, it must come off in my communication. Conversations lead nowhere. Constantly have to repeat myself for whatever the fuck reason. Can't make people laugh, dry personality (probably due to years of depression, I am not that depressed anymore but depression can permanently change your brain structure i've read) Drinking helps but still can't approach girls drunk..I guess the anxiety is so bad when I'm sober that the effects of almighty alcohol is not even enough to cure me. I know girls will automatically sense my lack of confidence/social skills, because hello, years of social isolation can't be hard to notice in someone's behavior. Can't just be fake and start acting like motherfuckin Conan when deep down I am an awkward broken piece of shit. The shit just projects itself. And I have no reason to think i'm awesome, because no one else thinks i'm awesome.

And the whole "man its so easy to get laid at parties" thing, like what the fuck? It's not easy at all. Sure, alcohol gives you more confidence and shit but there is no magic getting laid fairy that floats around at parties. If you cant get laid normally, you probably cant get laid drunk. there is still social interaction involved, and some flirting. (whatever the fuk that is, lol)

Fuck, I can't believe like 70% of the human population do not have any problems when it comes to socializing. Y'all should all win Nobel Peace Prizes or some shit, holy fuck. Being able to talk to a human being, connect with them, and later have sex with them? And some people are doing this as early as age 13? Holy fuck, you should win the NBA, NFL, MLB championships, be knighted by the Queen of England, and you should give a TED talk on how you do that shit.

I have done many great, difficult things in my life; yet making friends, connecting with people, and hooking up with girls is like by far the hardest thing I have ever done and probably ever will do. I am not bad looking; I am just an anxious motherfucker. I can do and have done pretty much anything I set my mind to. Except this fukin socializing shit.

So the main way regular people meet girls and shit is through social circle, aka parties and meeting friends of friends. Well that shit is not possible for me for the above reasons so...

Should I just approach like 5 fuckin girls a day? Feel like cold approach is the only way out for dudes with social anxiety. The idea of getting a girls number is much easier, straightforward, simpler than making a friend. Making a friend is some ambiguous ass shit, you can't just go up to niggas and ask them to be friends. But you can go up to girls and ask for their number.

That's why I like the idea of cold approach rather than social circle. Cold approach is more direct and instant while social circle takes time (can't force making friends, supposed to be natural).

Approaching 5 girls a day seems more promising than joining a fukin club and awkwardly trying to force friendships with people there. And class is damn well not a place to make friends; people are too focused on the lecture and not in the social mood. Sure you can talk before or after, but you'll always be seen as "that dude I met in class" and the friendship won't move past that.

Please do not tell me to:

go to therapy (already am doing),

get on meds (already tried, shit doesnt work for me),

exercise daily (already doing),

eat well (already doing),

meditate (already doing),

stay hydrated (yea, people actually suggest shit like this),

join a frat (not down to pay for friends).

PS: I don't care what you think of this thread, how lame this post may seem, or what you think of me. I'm at rock bottom