She doesn't want a relationship

UmeaHC · 2010-10-31T00:57:52+00:00

Also, want to know what "needing to define a relationship" turns into ? Watch the movie "500 Days of Summer"

intjpua · 2010-10-30T23:29:56+00:00

Be more awesome. Stop "confessing your feelings" (show don't tell). Are you dating other girls? That'd probably make her a little more decisive.

so I definitely don't want to force an ultimatum on her

If any guy here ever gives a woman an ultimatum, they're dead to me. Beyond helping. Don't you ever give a girl an ultimatum (and don't you ever agree to an ultimatum from a girl). Every self-respecting man on the planet will make fun of you.

but I need a sense of security when it comes to our relationship

This is woman talk. Don't be a woman. Women who aren't into women find it very unattractive (and women who really find it attractive are going after girls, not guys).

The more insecure you become about your awesomeness and ability to keep this woman, the more she distant she will grow from you. Women hate weakness in men more than anything (they hate it more than liars, cheaters, serial killers, etc.; Charles Manson was a dirty schizophrenic mad man, but he wasn't weak-willed, and had a harem of stunning young girls who adored him more than life itself), and their response is deeply ingrained in their instincts and emotional response to men. You show weakness in this context, and you will lose the girl.

Go the opposite direction. Become aloof if she isn't seeing you as much as you'd like, or complying with your desires for a more serious relationship. Be flirtier with other girls, even when she's around. Let her see that your options are plentiful. You've chosen her for a reason, and if she can't see your value, then you'll take it elsewhere.

Mindsink · 2010-10-31T17:57:26+00:00

So you want to push it huh? Ok. Start backing off a bit. Less attention from you. I don't know who is the agressorr, who calls who more. If you are the one establishing most of the communication then back off. If she is the one, then let a call slip through or a text and don't respond for a long bit. When she asks what you were up to? You were having a super fun time without her story. You will notice her becoming the one to try to spend more time with you. When you hang out, have great times, lots of smiles and laughs. After such a day, take yourself away. Let her see some time without you. Maybe even make a excuse to stay away for a weekend. Let her see that time away from you isn't fun. Don't bring up the relationship thing again. She knows you like her, she didn't forget that you brought it up. She is thinking about it all the time. She will get worried when she feels you becoming a bit distant. She will bring it up. A test. Say, you know what, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship either, but I have fun hanging out with you. So lets just hang out. Then see what takes place. You will get what you want.

UmeaHC · 2010-10-30T18:46:34+00:00

Be mindful of the fact that there is never REALLY security in any relationship. It's a classic dude thing to do. You want to say "hey is this going somewhere, are we dating now?" But do you honestly think that taking her the dictionary route and forcing her to cop to being IN a relationship with you will change anything ? If you guys are seeing eachother and you dig her (sounds like you do) then you need to try and be happy with that for now.

I had a very similar situation before with a similar kind of girl who couldn't make up her mind about us. I give you props for sticking around because I'm annoyed just by reading it.

I understand you like her, but if you want a relationship and she doesn't, you are heading down a path towards heartbreak and pain.

ThrowawayPUA · 2010-10-30T20:43:40+00:00

Ok, there's something that needs to be known more widely. You just do not "confess your feelings" to a woman. Even if she says she was glad to hear it, it made her uncomfortable, which results in her putting distance between you (as you have discovered).

GoodToSeaYou · 2010-10-31T06:04:09+00:00

My boyfriend and I were in this type of a relationship for like two months before we were "official" or "dating" or whatever. And it was also because i was scared of a relationship. I had a long term relationship end badly and I really cared for this guy but i was afraid to get too attached but it happened anyways. Maybe shes the same way. She probably is really into you and just doesnt want to bring to that level yet. It might take awhile but Im sure since you sound into her itll be worth it :]

alexryane · 2010-10-30T19:31:22+00:00

You didn't make it clear but you guys are fucking right?

2010-10-30T23:28:19+00:00

why are you so worried about the title "relationship?" it doesn't make the bond between you any stronger... just keep hanging out and maybe it will happen, maybe it won't.

a good relationship is one that you're not necessarily looking for, but it happens anyways.

Ammonia · 2010-10-31T03:51:41+00:00

Brad is that you? How could you do this!!!!!!??!!!! Thug

2010-11-02T06:28:23+00:00

Don't do it! and definitely don't read into it like it is a relationship. I just got out of a very similar situation. HB8 freak, LSE, and some super super deep emotional baggage. All I gotta say is, usually girls that DONT want relationships have baggage of some sort. That shit will suck you in.

Just from my experience though.

2010-10-30T23:39:49+00:00

If you hook up with her five times and she spends the night and gets breakfast with you the next morning, then you can consider yourself to be in a relationship. That's the rule.

Title	She doesn't want a relationship
Author	sedd_throw
Upvotes	9
Comments	16
Date	October 30, 2010 5:32 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dyr78/she_doesnt_want_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/she-doesnt-want-a-relationship.1312620 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312620

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