After going out yesterday, I noticed many things that have changed with my inner-game. Hopefully you guys can help me sort this out:

  1. I'm never in my own reality; I'm always being sucked up by someone elses. I don't know how to explain this properly other than saying I don't feel like I'm in my own world anymore. I'm usually focusing on the other person, even when I'm talking about myself. I've been feeling this way for a bit now. Someone will be talking and everything they say/do is more important than my own needs. Can't figure out how to be in my own world again.

  2. I've lost my Alpha-ness. I used to be the dominant one, not giving a fuck, doing what I want, leader of men and leading people. Lately I've been feeling very beta. I no longer have the desire to lead and I'm quick to follow. I've lost the Alpha in me.

  3. My energy is off. I heard that in order to be the fun one, your energy has to be slightly above everyone else's. I know this but somehow I feel like being showing too much energy will project too much interest so I try to be the 'cool' guy when I talk. Am I wrong to?

  4. I give a fuck. When someone gets offended at something I say or I can tell they're angry/upset/frustrated or something negative with me, I react to it and try to please them so I don't lose face. I gotta stop this.

  5. My fun doesn't come internally, it comes externally. If I'm around people who are having fun, I'm having fun. If I'm not, I wait for someone to take the lead to be fun or I keep talking to distract the other person until something fun happens. I need to have more internal control over my fun and joy.

  6. This is as much an inner-game problem as it is an outer-game problem: if no one responds back to what I say, I stop talking and it gets awkward. Should I be constantly talking regardless if I think I'm annoying people? I know the rule is 'you want people to talk to you but you don't need them to' but if I'm still talking and everyone is quiet and don't look like they're listening, then what's the point in talking?

  7. I might be overcompensating with some of the things I say. I have interesting stories and things to say but sometimes I feel like I say them to be interesting and to get a reaction. How do I say it without giving a fuck?

Many of these things I previously fixed in the beginning of the year. Since coming back for the summer from school, I feel like I lost alot of the things I've worked towards becoming. Reflecting on all this yesterday and the only word I can use to describe how I'm feeling is 'lost'. I don't feel apathetic and I don't feel upset/depressed, I just feel lost, like I lost who I am. Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm not out as much as I was during school or maybe it's because alot of my friends aren't around now but something needs to change. I need to be THAT dude I wanna be all the time and not just as a PUA persona.

Any opinions, thoughts, advice or anything is welcome. I just wanted to get that out.