I suck at asking girls over. Help?

NickTDS · 2012-05-07T17:10:48+00:00

So it's hard to tell without further details on your initial meetings with these girls. Usually, if a girl's not coming out to see you, it's more to do with your interactions than the texting. It may be that they don't trust or feel comfortable with you enough yet.

Are you talking about anything real in person or is it always playful and jokey? Do you share any stories, passions, vulnerabilities, or discuss deeper topics? Attraction gets a woman to desire you but connection is what gets her to take things further. If she thinks you're just a player, she'll often be hesitant to come over. I wrote a post about this you might find helpful.

There's also a chance it's the opposite -- not enough sexual attraction. I would guess it's probably not that just by seeing the dynamic of your texting, but maybe you act differently in person.The one thing I did notice from your messages is a lot of playful flirting and no intent flirting.

The homeless man, your teeth radiating, and pissing off your neighbor are humorous topics. But, unfortunately they aren't going to make her hot for you. You've got to make fun of her, drop some innuendos, or subtly and naturally show your interest to her.

Example:

She told you she went glow in the dark bowling. You can say something like,

"I love glow in the dark places... it's always fun to play around in the dark :)"
"places... although I always seem to get in trouble ;)"
"places... Awww, did you get to wear a cute little bowling uniform =P"

The first two imply that you aren't necessarily talking about bowling. It gets her mind wandering and allows her to respond with things like, "What kind of trouble is that :)" "haha, you're so bad". That starts off the sexual frame and you can keep leading it forward.

The third shows direct interest and if she responds, you can follow up again with more intent. "Well...I was wearing skirt =P" and you reply with "Looks like I lost out then -- you'll have to show me what I missed sometime ;)"

Those are just some random examples but I want to convey the idea behind them. All it takes is a little bit of flirting with intent to open up a sexual dynamic.

2012-05-07T17:38:53+00:00

I'd say, you have a problem cutting to the chase.

IMO there was too much small talk. The beginning was good but I would have switched gears to setting up a date after she said "Lmao oh man sounds sexy".

7 of your texts are making small talk, you only leave one weak suggestion for actually hanging out. You should try to be more concrete about hanging out. "Come down Tuesday at 5:00, we'll get some food and go clubbing!"

She seems into you, just don't spoil the attraction by texting her too much

yokhai · 2012-05-07T19:43:29+00:00

This isn't you asking a girl over, this is you having a fun convo with a girl. You need to set up definite parameters and actually say "hey come over to my house" not this "come on down and tear it up" crap.

That means nothing to a girl with options and a social life.

notanexp3rt · 2012-05-07T17:12:17+00:00

Do they have a reason to come over? One of the best things I did for myself was turn my apartment into the place to be. I put in a fully stocked bar, bought a hookah, have a huge tv with nice surround sound, lots of seating available, board game and puzzle closet etc. essentially any activity anyone would want to do indoors can be enjoyed at my pad, so I can invite girls over and I have tons of options depending on their personality. Also my place is THE spot to party which works really well because anytime I throw one I get a nice turn out, and its super easy to invite girls to parties! Just something to think about.

mut1n3y · 2012-05-07T20:46:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

k1ngk0ngwl · 2012-05-07T16:33:38+00:00

Learn to cook. I spent some time in the South Pacific... bouncing around from island nation to island nation, and I had to catch what I ate. Mostly, I ate Mahi Mahi, Tuna and Lobster. These three things I can cook amazingly well. I also do a mean spaghetti, bacon wrapped shrimp and some other good things.

Talk about what you two like to eat. Then offer to cook it for her. Voila. She will say yes whether she was thinking about sex or not (food is sensual, btw... easy to steer that text conversation the right direction by referring to the way something tastes as orgasmic)

tl;dr

Learn to cook.

AboveThee · 2012-05-07T18:29:13+00:00

I would recommend asking out in person. It's a lot easier to flake or be non-committal over text.

mileshigh_23 · 2012-05-08T03:35:39+00:00

Here's what I do, high success rate. Date #1 is a casual, grab-some-tea-and-walk-around-town affair. If the kino and chemistry is going good, go for the kiss.

Date #2, only girls that are attracted and had a good Date #1 will take you up on this.

"You. Me. Planet Earth jammy marathon. My place." or "I'm going to watch [awesome movie] tonight. You should join me."

And then, a few minutes later: "Some cuddling skills required."

TofuTofu · 2012-05-07T18:13:49+00:00

You might be doing something wrong during the initial approach that is establishing a weak/beta frame. Can you talk about that a bit?

Also how old are you? (Curious from your text conversation)

donalagohr · 2012-05-07T16:29:56+00:00

I am new to seddit and I know that feel. I need to see what do do as well....

2012-05-07T18:24:26+00:00

How do you know each other and how long have you known each other?

My impression is you guys are friends and that you haven't attracted her enough (otherwise she'd jump at the chance to hang out). Look at how she sticks to deflecting all attempts to hang out: "perhaps" and "maybe" even when you push for it. Basically, it looks like you're in the friendzone.

alexthelateowl · 2012-05-07T18:39:06+00:00

So when the days activity is almost over. Get closer to her and see if she is okay and inviting about it. Then kiss her and what have you if both parties are okay. Then ask her in her ears if she wants to come over to your place. Make sure you have protection and also have a cleaned out living space despite if it is a yes or no.

notlurkinganymoar · 2012-05-07T19:37:13+00:00

I don't think you need to say "come to my place." Just invite a girl to the AGO. Then be like, "I've got some wine at my place and it's right around the corner. Let's go!" Another thing to do is to get the girl comfortable in your place before you take her out. Like, have her meet at your house ("come meet me at [address] and we'll head over together") before going anywhere. Or meet her close to your house and say, "I totally forgot my wallet. Let's go get it real quick." This is sort of a "hack" that works wonders.

Another way to get girls back to your house is to seed. Like, say you're out and about. You start talking about this really funny video/great song/whatever. Let some time pass and when you're ready to jet say, "let's go to my place so I can show you that video!"

Finally, an unsolicited texting tip. You don't have to respond to everything a girl says. If a girl puts two topics in a text, I usually only respond to one. It works wonders because they get frustrated that you don't answer all their questions and it intrigues them. Example:

Her: Haha its good, just enjoying the weather, went glow in the dark bowling last night :p how's urs?

You: "I love glow in the dark bowling! You any good?!" OR "Amazing! I just had one of the best nights of my life!" One or the other, not both.

2012-05-07T23:59:29+00:00

So you live in Toronto ;).

phenomite1 · 2012-05-08T00:21:46+00:00

A girl probably won't just come over via text unless you have had some experience physically. I mean just basic kino, if she made it obvious she wanted you one night but nothing happened..somehow make her feel that way again and she'll come over.

No fucking winky faces, man.

Tall_Is_All_You_Need · 2012-05-08T07:31:21+00:00

It sounds like you are asking for more investment from her than her comfort level with you warrants. If you haven't hung out IRL at least once it might be harder than average to get her to come to your place.

IMHO, when you actually get a date lined up, have her meet you at your place. INVITE HER IN FOR A DRINK BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR THE DATE This will make her comfortable with the layout so when you bring her back after the date to drop her at her car she will be much more likely to "come in for one more" or what have you (b/c she knows it's not sex cave/ax murderer lair).

TL;DR logistics, magn.

Peacock87 · 2012-05-13T18:36:18+00:00

Dude, seriously. Asking all of us reddit folk is not going to help you out in any way, shape or form. You're going to get all sorts of comments of what "other people" would say and give you "their" advice. Which is not the way to go about asking out, or inviting girls over to your house. You don't want to come off as someone else now do you?? I'm not trying to be a pretentious prick at all, sorry if I have come across this way, I'm just being genuine. Be yourself dude. Say what you want to say. Tell the jokes you think are funny. Ask her out on things you want to do, and things you know she will enjoy doing with you. The more confident you are, the more results you will get. Just be you bro, It's that easy.

bluehat9 · 2012-05-07T18:39:47+00:00

This made me feel kind of awkward. Just have normal conversations with them and don't try too hard. It seemed like you were going all out. If you just talk with them and invite them out they will probably say yes. Don't call a girl man either. Weird. Or Blondie. What are you doing.

Title	I suck at asking girls over. Help?
Author	sayn
Upvotes	39
Comments	35
Date	May 7, 2012 3:52 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tbat9/i_suck_at_asking_girls_over_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-suck-at-asking-girls-over-help.1332339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332339

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