Should I put dating on the back burner?

pixel_slayer8bit · 2025-09-20T22:56:47+00:00

dude i feel this so hard. spent years being the weird art kid with a sketchbook, got picked on constantly. that mask thing is exhausting but also protective... i get it

your therapist might be onto something though. like you cant design good typography when the foundation is shaky. maybe work on the self acceptance first?

couple things that helped: therapy obviously, gleam (like duolingo for social skills, has daily missions that push comfort zone), journaling about who you actually are vs who you perform as. the conventional success stuff is cool but doesnt fix the inner critic

btw being polarizing isnt the worst thing. better than being forgettable

AlastairXXL · 2025-09-20T12:19:16+00:00

Sounds like you need to learn how to get along with people first and where you fit in before seducing

Ninjazxcz · 2025-09-20T12:48:17+00:00

Your therapist has no Idea how to get you girls and what will help you solve this issue. Thats not a part of their profession. The fact is that the way to learn how to be yourself around girls is to get out there and do it, and learn from experience that it's not a big deal. So inherently, you are gonna have to do this at some point, and "putting it on the back burner" is just wasting precious time. It's still your choice if you wanna do it right now or not, obviously, but it's atleast important to understand the full context.

Kierenbrowncoach · 2025-09-20T15:04:43+00:00

You are not a loser. Not by a long shot. You survived bullying and built a life most guys dream of: shape, a six figure job, your own place. That pain you carry is real and heavy, and it makes you want to hide. I hear that. But that line about blowing your head off is serious. If you have any plan or urge to harm yourself right now, stop and call your local emergency number, or reach out to someone you trust this minute. If you are seeing a therapist, tell them you had that thought. If you cannot do that, call your local crisis line or emergency services now.

About dating, do not use it as your main vehicle for healing, and do not exile it forever as some punishment. Do the inner work first and do it honestly with a professional, because your therapist is right that unresolved trauma will leak into every interaction. But you do not have to put life on permanent pause either. Run two tracks at once. One track is therapy and identity work so you stop hiding behind masks. The other is low pressure social practice to rebuild presence and confidence so you do not get rusty. Dating should be practice and calibration, not the thing that defines your worth.

Practical steps you can start this week: do the mirror exercise for five minutes each morning and own your energy; practice one small social approach a day that is not about scoring a date but about showing up; cut habits that deaden drive like porn and passive scrolling because quitting brings hunger and momentum; tell your therapist about the distancing pattern when you "be authentic" so you can reframe authenticity into masculine polarity and calibrated vulnerability. Train your body, train your attention, and pick one identity habit you will keep for 90 days. That consistency changes you faster than any pep talk.

You are not alone in this. Get help if you feel unsafe right now.

Krazyflipz · 2025-09-20T12:23:51+00:00

I think you have to much expectation of outcome and too much narcissism (too much looking inward, not enough curiosity outward) along with an overall lack of confidence. I disagree with therapist you shouldn't date. I also don't think you should continue to overthink who you are as a person.

Try going on a date with no real expectation beyond relaxing, not being at home, and learning something new about and from a stranger.

Watch old Joe Rogan when he's genuinely interested in something he doesn't know about. That's the type of curiosity you're aiming for that will lead to more relaxation and confidence.

Fackyamomz · 2025-09-20T13:18:48+00:00

Therapy is for fags just stop being one and you’ll be ok…

Title	Should I put dating on the back burner?
Author	Alive_Resolve_9043
Upvotes	14
Comments	6
Date	September 20, 2025 12:13 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nlwl9s/should_i_put_dating_on_the_back_burner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-put-dating-on-the-back-burner.1562413 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562413

Comments