Showing vulnerability: weakness backfires

Graefinator · 2018-07-01T22:25:40+00:00

His point of being vulnerable isn't too share actual vulnerabilities. It's more the idea that you are putting yourself out there and taking chances, hence being vulnerable.

But your confidence in yourself is so unshakeable that being vulnerable doesn't matter because regardless of the reaction you get, you will move on with your life and to women who fit who you are as a person.

Once again, it's not about being literally vulnerable saying im sad or mad etc. Not vulnerable in terms of sharing feelings and weakness. He makes that pretty clear in the beginning

321away · 2018-07-01T20:01:03+00:00

I would say that you can do it, it just takes a women to be really invested into you. She basically already has to love you and it needs to be a rare occurrence....like when something is really bothering you.

Basically, everything that women say....as a group and in media that they want....is exactly the opposite of what they are attracted to and respect. I was in the same boat a long time ago. I thought that being sensitive and sharing how i felt would be a way to move closer with women. The more emotion i showed, they more they backed off. One bad relationship flipped the switch, now i'm stone cold and its not an act. Since then, i have had a few situations in which women have gone crazy for my attention and affection because i did not give it.

I have a long standing relationship with a woman now who constantly feels that i am mysterious and hard to nail down. It's kept her hot for me for over 4 years now and we have only had sex 3 times. She can't access me when she wants to and it drives her nuts. But, we talk often and that keeps the attraction churning.

piperson · 2018-07-02T01:29:04+00:00

Yes, this is my experience, and I have always been very open and vulnerable with people, but now I realize that it was what was preventing me from getting pussy. I had to learn to turn off my emotions and connect with my sexy part. If you are looking for a hook up, no body wants to know your problems. Seduction is like creating a fantasy. I don't want to know your life story and you don't want to know mine. It kills the buzz. Imagine a 10 pouring her heart out to you about how she was addicted to meth and how she had to sell herself to get it. It kind of kills the buzz for you. Or about how she had some rare disease and had to have her intestines taken out and has a colostomy bag (this actually happened to me). Or how she has no molars because her teeth rotted out. It kind of kills the buzz.

When we talk about how our last partner was rotten to us or about how you may be getting evicted at the end of the month, it's just too much reality to sustain the buzz. Seduction is about the moment and being fully engaged with the person you are with. There is no past or future, just this moment and how special it is and she is.

Don't kill the buzz with your problems. Keep it light and fun and all is good. That's all she wants from you at this point. maybe if you end up hanging out more, you can begin to share some of your past trials, but in the beginning it's a buzz kill.

duncmancan · 2018-07-01T19:58:03+00:00

Yeah man idk what you are talking about at all. Models has had a lot to offer me. Maybe its the specific relationship you are looking for? Is your goal to just ride the smash train and make as many stops as possible or are you looking for deep and enriching relationships. Also I think you dont have the right perception on this. The idea is showing your vulnerability with the correct ATTITUDE . You have nothing to hide and show your weakness so freely bc you are so secure in your strengths that it doesnt matter

Nashboy45 · 2018-07-02T00:46:30+00:00

Well i don’t know much about pick up and stuff but I’ve been in my relationship for almost 3 years and I’m vulnerable with my gf. I think the key is letting them know that despite being vulnerable you are very much capable of being cold, dark, and serious if disrespect is shown or a line is crossed that you don’t like.

The thing is that everyone is flawed in some way and so I don’t see the point in pretending. I say what I think about often, not my insecurities but per say but mostly the opinions and questions that are on my mind honestly. Some women I know try to disrespect me with small snarky comments meant to insult you or suggest that you are something you aren’t. Whenever I sense it, I actually call them out, ask why they would do that and as I ask, the cold, dark, seriousness presents itself and it’s unwavering. They try to joke it away, or say you misinterpreted what I said or whatever(and sometimes it is misinterpreted). The point is putting it on display from the beginning that you aren’t taking shit and that you will leave if their explanation it doesn’t make sense, is key. And you’d rather misinterpret and just own up to that then, letting any bs slide.

My gf hasn’t don’t any kind of shit test for that stuff for years and I think it’s because she knows that if I see anything that looks like pettiness or wasting my time that I’d leave right then and their. I’m not afraid of breaking up with someone who is manipulative and disrespectful. As soon as you fit that role you are disposable to me. As a result I freely do say my insecurities and problems when I have them.

She also said that the first time she saw me get into that seriousness it was sexy so thats a plus lol. I hope I answered your question.

bugxter · 2018-07-02T01:14:00+00:00

My experience is completely the opposite, I've gotten along with awesome women only after I started being vulnerable with them.

piperson · 2018-07-02T01:35:11+00:00

I think there needs to be a distinction between the vulnerability of starring into someone's eyes and the vulnerability of telling them your life story. One is super hot and the other is super not. Be vulnerable but nobody wants to hear your problems. Get a shrink if you want to talk about them.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-07-02T06:13:59+00:00

I was reading mark manson’s models and his stuff about dealing with your shit is obviously good advice. However I have yet to encounter a good reaction of me sharing vulnerabilities and weakness with romantic interests/ partners. Even just talking about past mistakes seems to be a major turnoff. It’s like the idea that you might not be at your A game every day and also may have traumas and insecurities dries up pussy instantaneously.

What you're doing is not what Mark Manson is talking about. He says vulnerability is:

// "......consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires from others. This can be as simple as complimenting someone on how good they look, approaching an attractive stranger you don’t know, establishing clear and strong boundaries, etc."

But he's very clear about what vulnerability is NOT. It's not:

So whether you meant it this way or not, when you share past mistakes, etc., it's being interpreted as being needy. It's probably being interpreted as you looking for them to give approval or validation and tell you everything is alright. Which is the turn-off. It's one thing to have friends you vent to, or even a partner that you lean on at times. But in this situation, you're doing this to someone you just met.

ProFriendZoner · 2018-07-01T19:55:14+00:00

Never, EVER show your true vulnerabilities to a woman or man. A woman will not respect you if you show her your real self, that's why so many guys show a fake vulnerability to them. And we can't show our true self to other men because as predators they go after the weak so we have to fake it there too.

Title	Showing vulnerability: weakness backfires
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	17
Date	July 1, 2018 6:39 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8vc0ek/showing_vulnerability_weakness_backfires/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/showing-vulnerability-weakness-backfires.1449087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1449087

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