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Social proof vs good fundamentals

LoneWolf1404

October 5, 2018

0 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Social proof vs good fundamentals
Author	LoneWolf1404
Upvotes	0
Comments	6
Date	October 5, 2018 12:29 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9lhj1a/social_proof_vs_good_fundamentals/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/social-proof-vs-good-fundamentals.1454488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1454488

Comments

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

Social proof vs good fundamentals

Which one do you guys think is more important?

You seem to misunderstand? This isn't an either or proposition you've presented here.

There's a lot of noise out there about social proof meaning that you need to be like the Star Quarterback, get free tables at clubs, champagne, etc. This is nonsense.

Social proof, at its core, is simply showing that you're capable of navigating social situations. Which requires nothing more than being comfortable interacting with people. Which requires confidence, which brings you to "good fundamentals."

To be more specific, regardless of the situation you find yourself in, aka having a shot at a girl or trying to get a second chance with a girl, which one do you think serves you best: her seeing you with other women vs having good fundamentals?

Again, this question doesn't make sense.

Her seeing you with other women? If you mean hitting on other women, then it totally depends on what sort of thing you want here. If you want something serious, then you're fucking yourself over if she sees you gaming someone else.
If you are trying for something casual, this can still be self-defeating because maybe she doesn't want to feel like she's in a queue and seeing you with another girl makes the whole thing feel cheap. People often expect that others will casually see other people, if labels like GF or BF haven't been agreed on, but seeing them actually with those other people, does change things.
To the extent that some girls are excited by the whole competition of it, if they see you with another girl, you're barking up a really annoying tree. Girls who need that sort of thing to be attracted, come with so much baggage that it's exhausting.
Being seen with other women is not really "social proof." It's you spinning plates to try not to have all your eggs in the same basket, right? Which isn't about simply showing that others approve of you socially. It's showing that you don't need her. Which is fine, but just realize the effects of that. Which is that you basically make it clear that it's all casual and disposable to you, whether or not that's what you intended.

As for good fundamentals a few more real examples besides confidence and comfortably socially interacting, would be:

Taking care of logistics so that you're not running into other girls you date, while with a different girl.
Not really needing to spin plates to feel okay and secure while you're dating any particular girl.
The ability to take or leave any particular girl and be fine staying home by yourself.

[–]inspiredshane 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]judahman8 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LoneWolf1404 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your elaborate answer.

Social proof, at its core, is simply showing that you're capable of navigating social situations.

That's the meaning with which I used the term 'social proof'. I was more referring to simply being seen interacting with other girls, not necessarily in a sexual way. In my opinion, being seen with other women is social proof because, using your definition, you're proving that you can navigate through social situations involving women. This leads to other people assume that you are good with women, whether that would be romantically or just in a social context and it helps build this label regarding your personality.

So many PUA sites and what not insist that being seen with girls does raise your desirability among other girls. Now I personally tend to become less interested in a girl if I see her with a different guy every time and I'm pretty sure that's how most men think, if they care about this particular aspect.

However, many PUAs try to suggest that it is different for women and that you become more attractive if one girl sees you with others. I'm just putting this out there because I'm not really sure. I've seen this work in some occasions, and I've seen girls lose interest in others.

I was recently out with a girl I'm just friends with, yet we've been flirting heavily lately and I could tell that she started to see me as a potential lover / boyfriend. We were on a subway train and I was texting some other chick. She looked into my phone, waited until I started typing and then started shaking my hands really heavily saying 'give me attention, say something funny', basically not allowing me to write back to that girl. Sure there are other signs, stronger than this one that made me realize that she was down to be more just friends, but I think that this one is worth mentioning, although I'm not sure how much it weighed regarding her seeing me as potential sexual partner.

On the other side, I had a crush on a girl who, by the looks of it, had a small crush on me too. Among other signs that I got, she seemed to become jealous whenever she saw me with other girls. Or if she tried to make me jealous by staying with another guy, she would totally give up on that and start spending time with me after she saw me with other girls. However these games eventually led her to giving up on me. Her interest dropped and nothing happened.

So to put this in a short way: I'm not sure whether girls react this way because they're emotionally invested and they simply become jealous, or there is some mechanism inside their mind that automatically makes them perceive a guy as more attractive just because they see him with other girls, as some PUAs suggest.

Yet again, I very much like your response, it was a good read and if you can link me to some material on the matter, that would be greatly appreciated.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

____1____

That's the meaning with which I used the term 'social proof'. I was more referring to simply being seen interacting with other girls, not necessarily in a sexual way.....This leads to other people assume that you are good with women....

Just chatting with them doesn't lead people to think this. It's if you are leaving with women a lot or something like that.

____2____

it helps build this label regarding your personality.

Again, having this label is not necessarily helpful. Seriously minded girls will screen themselves out if they encounter a dude like this, who's a "player."

____3____

So many PUA sites and what not insist that being seen with girls does raise your desirability among other girls.

This isn't proof.

And anyway, like I said, some girls do go for this. I already described them.

They have baggage if they require this sort of thing to be attracted.

____4____

Now I personally tend to become less interested in a girl if I see her with a different guy every time and I'm pretty sure that's how most men think, if they care about this particular aspect.

This is not a male thing. This is actually insecurity. Which can affect men or women.

Also, it depends on what their interactions are like with these different men each time it's a different one.

Platonic friends don't mean a thing.

____5____

However, many PUAs try to suggest that it is different for women and that you become more attractive if one girl sees you with others. I'm just putting this out there because I'm not really sure. I've seen this work in some occasions, and I've seen girls lose interest in others.

Right. It depends on what each person wants, like I said above.

If someone needs to feel like they're winning a guy and really beating others to get him, that fits a certain profile.

It's not all women. It's girls with some baggage.

And many girls just don't find it attractive.

____6____

She looked into my phone, waited until I started typing and then started shaking my hands really heavily saying 'give me attention, say something funny', basically not allowing me to write back to that girl.

Yeah. Definitely baggage there. For one thing, insecurity. A lot of it.

And the whole, say something funny.... Ugh.

Women who see interactions like this get boring and exhausting quickly. They don't see the interaction as a two way thing. They see their role as showing up. And your role as holding up both sides of it. While they don't have to lift a finger.

____7____

On the other side, I had a crush on a girl who, by the looks of it, had a small crush on me too..... Her interest dropped and nothing happened.

This stuff isn't rocket science.

You ask a girl to hang out one on one. And you physically escalate in some way. Then you find out what's what.

____8____

So to put this in a short way: I'm not sure whether girls react this way because they're emotionally invested and they simply become jealous....

Here's the point. You don't find out of a legitimate candidate is "interested" by observing her reaction to you with other girls. You find out by inviting her to hang out one on one and escalating physically with her.

That's it.

If you play these sorts of games, you get annoying and exhausting things.

[–]LoneWolf1404 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link