Before i go any further, let me share my qualifications or lack thereof: I'm 22, and in college. The last girl i was really into not only completely destroyed me, but also showed me what i was looking for in a significant other and helped me to set a bar high in the future. I discovered seddit around this time last year, and for a long time i armchair general'd. For those of you who don't know what an 'armchair general' is, it is someone who knows the subject at hand, but fails miserably to implement it in his own life, yet feels qualified to give advice on the subject. It is in my opinion, one of the most pretentious types of personalities and /r/seduction is crawling with them.

A lot has changed over the last year-- i have finally begun to recover from what can only be described as crippling one itis from the previously mentioned girls, and i've learned to get my swag on. Don't get me wrong, there are still days where i will sit somewhere and play the eye game with a girl and never approach because i am so terrified* of looking like a fool, but overall i am on a solid path, and i thought i would share what has helped me the most in becoming a better... well, me.

Approach anxiety is fucking crippling. But you have to just power through it, face your fears. I am absolutely terrified of heights, and i intend to go skyidiving before all is said and done to conquer it. here is what helps me deal with it:

  • The other day, i handed a friend of mine a twenty and told him he could keep that unless i obtained the phone number of a girl in one of my classes. I got the number, AND we are meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon. If twenty is not a lot of money to you, make it fourty, fifty or even a hundred dollars. Whatever is enough to motivate you to want it back.
  • Talk to everyone. You don't have to get a number from every girl/person you talk to, especially if you're in school somewhere. Odds are you'll run into her again, and if not who cares? It will help you become more comfortable talking to people you barely know. I was reading the local newspaper today and shared my horoscope with the girl sitting next to me, just because.
  • Always follow through. if you don't, you'll feel like shit after.

texting This is a subject which comes up a lot around here, and with mixed results, and i have adopted a number of rules which has received generally positive results.

  • do not use smiley's more often than she does. I personally use to be crazy emoticoner, but now i use them rarely or never, depending on who i am texting with. Too many emoticons makes you seem needy, and your sense of humor should be understood without those damn ;DDDD all over the place.
  • Unless you are in a committed relationship, don't be texting back and forth all the time. I only initiate text messages for 2 things: setting up dates and 'ping' statements. That's it.
  • DON'T REPLY TO EVERYTHING (right away). This is huuugeee, and you have no idea how much of a positive impact this has had for me. If she is talking about shit you don't care about? Freeze her out. Just stop responding. Don't know what to say back? Just, shut up and leave it be, maybe come back to it later if you think of a witty response. *Don't run after them. If she stops sending text messages to you, shut the fuck up.

On creating confidence Key. Very key. Nobody likes a pushover. This is what has helped me become more confident again.

  • Be well kept and learn how to address. I started getting shorter haircuts, i shave frequently, i shower daily and i dress like a boss. Does wonders for my sense of security.
  • Posture. So important i've found. How i hold myself has a huge impact on how i feel, i'm sure it's like that for everyone. Shoulders back, head high, don't look at the floor. Don't cross your arms unless you're trying to look unapproachable.
  • Learn to go with the attitude that she has to qualify to you. *This has been a game changer It's something i have only picked up a little less than a month ago so i am only now able to internalize it (takes 21-30 days for new habits right?) and wow. If you go up to a girl thinking "Well, let's see what she's got." instead of "I hope she doesn't think i'm a loser." it makes the whole thing run more smoothly. You'll be loads more comfortable even when you're nervous, because it provides you with a sense of control.
  • Always try and be the one to end the interaction. You will feel sure and in charge because it all happened on your watch, not hers.
  • Approach! You'll feel like a boss after, regardless of whether it blew up on your face or not.
  • Listen to beatz that get you amped up and help you get into a 'state'. For me, it's electronica style music--Awolnation, Ratatat etc. I feel like a boss while i listen to it and for awhile after. Not into music? Move, jump up and down enthusiastically, anything to get some energy and passion going.
  • edit: Kino. Don't forget kino. i'm still working on this, trying to get a sense of when to touch, how to escalate etc, but when i have pulled it off works wonders and is probably more or less a must for success.

However, the most important piece of advice i can give you is this: do before you ask. In otherwords, before you go jump on /r/askseddit asking for this and that pointer, squeeze the damn trigger. You have no idea how often i have wanted to post asking for advice how to proceed. But i never have, and i never will. I always either ended up doing nothing (and kicking myself for it later), or just fucking went for it.

Yes, it means i ended up botching a lot of opportunity sometimes by not acting, and sometimes by acting... But every one of those instances has provided me with an opportunity to reflect and see where i could have done better. If you do nothing else, do this: Before you come here looking for help, just dive in. Yeah i know you don't want to mess it up, because she is the first girl to give you attention like this in a while... But she is one of many-- i sometimes still fall into this trap too... My mind get's anxious, i over analyze, get visibly nervous but i just remind myself; she is one of many, and just pull the trigger.

Anyways, that's advice coming from a recovering armchair general, and all the advice is based on experience from the last few months, though i certainly don't pretend to have all the answers.

Tl;Dr Advice from an armchair general. Also, stop being a douchebag armchair general.

EDIT2: And as far as 'material' for beginners i recommend just two that have served me faithfully-- the sidebar, and tofutofu posting history.