Some first date questions...

reluctantmessiah · 2011-09-12T19:02:14+00:00

As a rule, I never set up dinner dates until I've been dating a girl for a long time. I always go for drinks, for the following reasons.

it's more casual and easier to set a relaxed context when you're proposing the date. "grab a drink" sounds much easier than dinner. If the date is terrible, you can get up and leave. I try not to do this too often, but there have been times when I discovered that a girl was out of her mind and I'd rather hang out with my friends or watch tv or whatever. At dinner, it's this whole drawn out scene where you have to get the check and all that. For drinks, it's easier to just get up and leave.
It's easier to split the check, or less of a big deal to split the check. To me it's important to split the check unless the girl is unable to afford it, but that's a personal philosophical issue.
It's easier to switch locations. If a bar ends up being unexpectedly crowded or lame, you can just hop to another place you know nearby. More importantly, you can go from bar to bar both to build comfort through time distortion and to get her used to the idea of going places with you. I'll typically take a girl to two bars then back to my place, though the other night I took one to three bars then back to hers.
You should kiss a girl during the date, not at the end of it. One thing that I can recommend is compliance tests. I was in a LTR for a few years and was rusty before I remembered these. Just tell the girl to give you her hands or something like that that requires physical contact. If she does it, it shows that she's comfortable with touching you and she's willing to go along with what you say. Use compliance tests to gauge whether it's time for the kiss or not. When it's time to kiss-close, pull her into your space rather than moving into hers. When you do kiss her for the first time, push a way quickly so it's not a big deal and you leave her wanting more. Then later it's easier to kiss her again, etc. With experience, you'll be able to tell from compliance tests what she's ready for.
You can definitely build comfort in a single first date. For some reason my biggest problem is that girls try to sleep with me on the first date, then on the second date are all nervous because they think they're a slut. So believe it or not, I'll turn them down for sex on the first date so that they'll be more comfortable in the future. I'm not advocating that, just saying that yes, it's entirely possible to build ample comfort on the first date for whatever you want.

PS - If you're asking about coffee because you're under 21, or don't drink for whatever reason, or whatever, my advice would be to meet the girl at a coffee shop somewhere near another activity, like a nice little park to go to, or whatever. When the girl's going through her head about how well you guys know each other and what you guys did together, it's helpful and exciting if she can think of multiple things you did. Regardless, coffee is, as you say, definitely more casual. If you're trying to do a lot of kino at the cafe, try to find one that has couches, rather than chairs. Couches are more comfortable anyway, and it's easier to get the girl to sit next to you, which is more intimate whether you make a move or not. What I do personally is find bars with couches, then lean way back and take up space. Then I talk quietly (but confidently) so that she has to lean towards me to hear me. That way she gets comfortable with coming into my space, and so she feels more in control for kino, kissing, whatever. Let me know if I can answer anything else.

blankwall · 2011-09-12T17:47:09+00:00

I think it depends on what you're going for with the girl. Looking for a LTR or just a quick fuck? I took a girl out for drinks last night at a comedy club, moved her to another spot with a band playing and ended up back at my place within two hours (first date). If I were interested in anything other than sex with her I probably would have done the dinner thing.

Marcob10 · 2011-09-12T19:57:29+00:00

I never go to a restaurant on the first date. I like to pay on the first date so grabing a coffee or a drink is cool but a whole meal can be expensive and leave a bitter taste if she wasn't interesting. You're also stuck there if she does not interest you and the atmosphere can get weird if there's no connection while it's lighter in bars and coffee shops.

Like reluctantmessiah said, having a drink is shorter and let's you hop from place to place. I like to grab a drink than go take a walk some place nice, like a cute park or touristic spot.

As for progressing further, I personally prefer to not f-close on the first date so I can't help you on this. I prefer to let her want more and not giving it all on the first night.

2011-09-12T20:36:59+00:00

1) It may be a little too serious, but if you like the girl, go for it.

2) Too friend-ish.

3) When she doesn't seem down for anything more. Push the limits and stop when you have to.

PetiePal · 2011-09-13T14:40:10+00:00

Dinner usually is too much too soon. Too forced for convo etc. Drinks or coffee date is usually the best first date in my experience.
My USUAL first date is always coffee at a Starbucks. Unless she hates coffee then I tease her and she can have hot chocolate. Or tea. Or whatever lol.
So I had a coffee date on Saturday that progressed into a full day thing. OKCupid girl, met for coffee. Coffee lasted for about 2 hours, then we got up walked around a bit into a dollar store and joked around. We were hungry and she suggested eating, (I could also tell she didn't want the date to end) so we went across to this thai restaurant. 3-5 they were closed so we chatted on a bench some more, and then had dinner together. Walked her to her car, gave her a hug on the first date. 2cd date this weekend, I'll work a kiss in there.

Title	Some first date questions...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	7
Date	September 12, 2011 5:05 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kd8dz/some_first_date_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/some-first-date-questions.1322415 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322415

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