I have a female "friend". She's one of my gamer wings, ex girlfriend. I know her through him, and she knows about game. Usually you say that you shouldn't ask a fish how to catch it, but ask the fisherman. But I do trust that she knows what she talks about.

The text below might seem like a humblebrag, but read it to the end, before you make that conclusion, please. Thank you :)

I have only met her a few times, at some clubs. I never really had a conversation with her, or anything.

She asked me "how do you go from being funny, to being Sexy? Isn't it very difficult?". It made me realize what I probably already knew, but didn't see. I don't.

She told me that I was "perfect". I was charming, really charming. She told me that women loved talking to me, and that she could see it. She could see that I was blasting confidence, wasn't afraid to approach etc. That I'm a very good dancer. That IL a quick thinker, and very clever/intelligent. But she just didn't want to fuck me (I haven't tried to do that either). I just didn't have that last thing, and if I did, I would be something "put of this world".

All these things are something I've been told often - except for the lack of sexiness. I have had girls saying that I'm the most fun person they ever met, after 15 minutes, multiple times. I've been asked if I'm taking dance classes, if I'm an actor, or a comedian.

But despite all this, I haven't really had very much success with game, despite putting A LOT of time into it. I have of course wondered why, and my conclusion has always been that I just started out so far behind, that I would also need a lot longer before getting the benefit of it.

While we were talking, I got to put word on some of the things. Like that it's not an active choice to be funny, it's so ingrained in me, that my brain draws the patterns of how to something in a funny way, while working on an autopilot.

I have to deliberately think ahead of what I'm saying, and censor myself if I am to be not funny. I don't know when it started, but I know it has grown from some sort of positive reinforcement. The first instance I remember Is about 10,5 years ago. So 10+ years of habit, is difficult to change. As is all change.

But I also saw that it is some kind of defense mechanism. Both to hide your flaws with humor, so that even if you talk about your disfunctional family, people won't know if it's the truth, or a joke.

But also a "visualization" of your insecurities. Some kind of belief, that you aren't good enough, so instead of showing yourself, you tell jokes. Even now, I had to stop myself from ending this with a joke, instead of asking for advice. I know you want to know what it was. I was gonna end it up with something like "so guys, when you think of this, can you recommend me an easy, but still very good recipe for carrot cake".

But on the serious note, do any of you relate to this, or have any advice, for other resources that deal with this (literature etc), similar experiences, challenges, tasks etc. That I can use or do, to help me tackle this?