So a couple of years ago I made a resolution that if I'm attracted to a girl I'm going to "make a move" and go for a kiss. This was a lot better than my old strategy ("pray to God she makes a move first, or divine intervention leads us to sleep together").

From doing this it led to my last 2 girlfriends. About 4 times on dates where I'd go for a kiss, it resulted in making out, and then the girl ripping my clothes off.

So obviously you have to make the fucking move...

But here's the problem. The other half of the time that I go for a move, I get rejected. Usually it's: "I'm in a relationship / already dating someone, sorry".

Which leads me to wonder "Why did you invite a guy you met back to your apartment then?" but I digress. Rejections happen.

The problem is that these failed first kisses get these women to react with SCORN, and logically (me being a left hemisphere male, I guess) it doesn't make sense to me.

It's like, I'm attracted to you and expressing myself, and if you turn me down, I'm not upset, just that door isn't open right now... But what happens is girls will do things like:

  • Delete me off FB (if she had added me earlier)
  • Kick me out of her apartment
  • Cancel the date and walk off
  • Sit around awkwardly as some chaperone comes to get her.
  • Get extremely uncomfortable.
  • Tell me to fuck off.

It happened again earlier with a girl I was really getting along with. I end up back in her apartment. She's showing me all of her relics from around the world. We're having totally awesome conversations. When I felt the time is right I kiss her, and boom... nuclear bomb drops.

So i know from all my past successes "making a move" is like the only way to make something actually work so I am not perpetually single either... but why does First Kiss Hate keep happening? Is this something other people experience? Anyone have any ideas?

I don't have to be friends with every girl I meet, but as a decent human being...I just don't like cultivating anger or resentment. Especially if I don't understand the cause.

For reference, when I make a first move, usually it goes like this:

  • We're hugging to say goodbye (physical contact established) or hugging to say hello (if it's a 2nd date already and we are already established together)
  • I let the hug linger and I say something like "Hey" to get her attention, then I give a quick kiss, and I look at her in the face to gauge the reaction.

(That's when she'll usually either feel attracted and start making out, or she'll recoil and go into First Kiss Hate mode).