Studying abroad and falling into the same patterns.

m2c · 2012-09-18T23:55:59+00:00

Note I'm traveling through Europe currently and live in America. If you've never been to England before, it can be a bit of a 'subtle' culture shock - their english is a bit funky and proper, their humor is it's own breed which seems quite difficult to learn without growing up in it (how to irony?), and just the little things they focus on and mannerisms are subtly different. These at first threw me off and put me in 'observer mode'. After a bit of experience, a lot of it is learning your 'niche' in the social environment (er, I'm a bit quirky, so perhaps that's how I see myself out here). In time, you generally get more comfortable with any differences throwing you off, and learn how to respond to them. A lot of my 'silly/weird' mannerisms confuse them at first, but if you maintain your frame of being a confident, friendly, well-meaning guy then that will win the day.

Note that it still is difficult to manage being relevant in -some- social situations (depends on the group), just because people can more easily communicate comfortably with people of the same culture. I've found the best interactions I've had are not group interactions but one on one, as it's difficult to throw yourself into a group conversation where a lot of what they say flies over your head as the 'newbie' to the culture =p

I feel, personally (and if I were going to be here longer), the best way to learn how to find your way to communicate with people is simply test communication that you wouldn't expect to work - some pretty straightforward / 'obvious' things I've said have been quite funny to them out here, my normal sense of humor doesn't work at all out here, and don't shy away from your accent or american words / sayings. Embrace the character that you are, foreigner and all. That is all.

Dorman010 · 2012-09-18T23:28:16+00:00

This is a simple case of you accepting your role within a group. When you were a freshman, you felt like an outsider - and you were. You just started. Now you're studying abroad (I had a great experience while studying abroad in Brussels), you're also an outsider. But here's something you should understand - everyone who is studying abroad is an outsider.

When it comes to groups you'll be frequenting, here are a few tips:

You are not necessarily the center of attention. Your group is.

This means that not all eyes have to be on you. You can just have a talk with this one girl you're hitting on at the moment, or this dude you get along with. You don't need to be an attention whore - people should want your approval and attention.

I'll give you a practical example - when I lived in Brussels, I had a lot of Spanish classmates. So I helped them with their English pronounciation (you display higher value. A man is measured by how he treats those who he can teach). We usually did that when drinking with the group. We grew naturally fond of each other. Whenever one of us would say something funny, we'd tell the whole group, and it would become the joke of the week. Next thing you know, BOOM, I have multiple people asking me to go out and drink with them.

This leads me to point 2:

Your time is valuable. Fucking act like it.

Time is the one finite resource we have in this world. Each second lost is a second that we are closer to dying, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Don't waste your time - or other's time, for that matter. Let people know that your time is precious. Not by saying it, but by acting like it (e.g. "I have class early tomorrow, so I can only stay until 11 with you guys" would make them appreciate you a lot more, and they would ask you to stay once you leave if you're not a complete douche).

vauss · 2012-09-19T19:55:10+00:00

I was born and raised in Germany but went to university in the UK and, as part of my studies there, also went to the US for one year. So I've been through the whole process of adjusting to a new culture twice. You need to give yourself time. There'll be some parts of the culture that you enjoy and others that you don't, and that's completely normal. Same goes for people. I always envied Americans for their ease in social situations (as compared to Germans) so just introduce yourself to everyone. Over the first few weeks you'll notice whom you like and in turn who initiates conversations and hang-outs. Be outgoing, be the cliché American. There's no point in hiding where you're from, your accent gives it away anyway. For example at parties, you could start drinking games; while we have some in Europe they are not as common as in the States. You'll be loved, trust me. From my experience it's also more about one-on-one situations in the UK than in the States, where you can get away with being loud and out-going at a frat party and be loved by everyone while not having a single proper conversation. So start conversations with individual people. That's totally accepted; just don't be offended when they turn away at some point and start talking to other folks. That's a normal pattern and someone else will have opened up to talk to at that point. In terms of humour that's fairly easy. Make fun of yourself in a deadpan kind of way and they'll understand and laugh. Add some Americanisms and they love you.

Austinus_Prime · 2012-09-19T00:18:05+00:00

I studied abroad in England as well and I completely agree with Dorman010's advice above, especially on the first point. I even lived in England for 3 years growing up, so I had an advantage compared to most Americans in that I knew a few people coming in and I could relate a bit to the culture right away. It definitely takes a lot more effort to fit in and understand the culture to the point where you can easily integrate with a group the same way you might in the US.

My advice (along with Dorman010's):

If you want to make a lot of English friends, try to be very social early on, especially with the freshers who are just now starting to make friends also. I made as many friends the first few weeks as I could so when people started to settle into their social circles, I had a few different groups I was regularly invited out with. Given a little time, you'll be able to calibrate yourself to fit in with them if you're hanging out on a regular basis. Until then, I found it easy to just talk about differences in culture and take an interest in their side of things.

Edit m2c has a brilliant point I completely forgot about. They find Americanisms HILARIOUS and my flatmates loved that I did certain things differently.

2 - Regardless of whether you make English friends or not, find the other study abroad and Erasmus students at your uni, which I did through the international student club on campus as well as travel organizations like Travelholics. You'll be able to relate much easier to other study abroad students than the English students and at the end of the day, the other study abroad students are the ones who you'll probably want to go backpacking with when the time comes. English people travel around Europe all the time so I found that they weren't really that interested in seeing Europe with me unless it was Ibiza or Malaga...

3 - Which brings me to point 3, which is TRAVEL! There is no better way in my opinion to learn about yourself and learn about the world than to travel. I cannot recommend backpacking and staying in hostels enough. Not only do you get to see part of the the world, but you're able to meet soooo many amazing people who are also traveling. I can't count the number of people I connected with and am good friends with simply because we happened to share a room with 12 other people for a night and explored a foreign city together. It also really helps get you used to social situations and meeting new people all the time.

Title	Studying abroad and falling into the same patterns.
Author	Shitnotagain
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	September 18, 2012 10:55 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/103skc/studying_abroad_and_falling_into_the_same_patterns/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/studying-abroad-and-falling-into-the-same-patterns.1339581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1339581

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