Terrible time going out solo - mindset and/or do I need to do something differently?

jefffffffff · 2015-09-27T16:21:51+00:00

When riding solo just pretend you lost your friends. You're one step ahead of me because I don't even go out. Still working on my confidence to even do that.

xzak · 2015-09-27T14:27:33+00:00

You have it so good and you dont even realise it. Imagine a night where you go out alone and you dont even see a single approachable girl. Imagine every girl you were attracted to was right next to their boyfriend. Imagine you have the confidence you want but cant use it.

This is my reality most times I go out, living in an island in the caribbean. You dont just see girls all over the place hanging out with each other. Im lonely, and depressed because I cant even attempt to approach. This was my reality just last night in fact.

You have so much chances and you let it slip by just because you are scared of what strangers are thinking about you. You are selfish, and ungrateful. Take your chances while you still can.

TissueReligion · 2015-09-27T14:54:27+00:00

Hey! I actually just figured this problem out for myself, so maybe I can help.

90% of the male-hours spent in bars have guys wandering around in a state of drunken approach anxiety doing 0 approaches. Interesting realization, and I wanted to not be those guys.

So I asked myself, "why do I feel anxiety in a bar? Why is it possible that there's a place that just intrinsically makes me feel anxiety?" The answer to that question, was that I was putting this massive emotional burden on myself of having to immediately go do approaches and that I am failing and wasting time if I don't.

So I approached this problem iteratively (no solution can work perfectly the first time). I went to a very high-energy bar/club stone-cold sober with the express intention of smiling, just going there to have a drink, not talk to anyone, and just have a good time taking in the energy. Since I wasn't putting this massive expectation of going from 0% social contact being by myself to 110% social contact doing a cold approach, the source of the anxiety was mainly gone.

I mean, seriously. If you were just going to a loud, energetic concert for the sake of itself, would you feel anxious? No. So why should I feel any differently in a bar or club? I shouldn't.

So now I don't. The other very important change I've made is every night I always try to go ask at least 2-3 girls/groups of girls on the street for directions to x place before going to a venue. This is very low pressure, obviously. And it convinces me that if I can waltz up to stranger girls and mouth some words that happen to mean I am requesting information, I can also waltz up to stranger girls and mouth some words to actually open.

Spending a few nights (not always, though) going out sober has given me a deeper sense of self-calm that's actually carried over into my regular day-to-day.

Last tip, always be smiling and looking like you're having a good time. Most guys are again, wandering around in a fog of drunken approach anxiety, and you can tell it by looking at them. Don't be them. Lol.

callmeslate · 2015-09-27T22:59:31+00:00

Walk up to a woman, say "Hello my name is (insert name)" and let it go from there.

Title	Terrible time going out solo - mindset and/or do I need to do something differently?
Author	Tango5413
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	September 27, 2015 1:48 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3mkrck/terrible_time_going_out_solo_mindset_andor_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/terrible-time-going-out-solo-mindset-andor-do-i.1394936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1394936

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