The 'hey what's up?' barrier

KingDooble · 2015-07-08T18:19:01+00:00

Me: how was your 4th of July? Her: it was pretty good how was yours? Me: it was good. I got all bit up by mosquitos though lol

This is a boring conversation. Do you think she gives a fuck that you got bit by mosquitos? What you need to do is store funny/interesting shit that happens to you as stories, and then use those rather than boring mindless banter. And ask her deep, probing questions. Don't just say "how was your 4th". Ask "what did you do for the 4th"? Was it fun? Oh I love the lake. Shit like that.

recyclablebantha · 2015-07-09T02:25:13+00:00

I am a regular at the gym I go to. I see some of these people 4 times a week but still don't say much other than 'hey what's up?'.

Someone else has gotten into the idea that active listening would be helpful..... What's ironic is that the GIRL used this technique on you, but you didn't realize it and dropped the ball. Let's take a look:

Me: how was your 4th of July?

You started off well. Asking pretty much anything will get the ball rolling..... And this was a relevant question for the time. This conversation was FINE until you dropped it, actually. Your questions were fine and your answers were fine until you stopped hitting the ball back.

Her: it was pretty good how was yours?

So here she answered (giving you material that you didn't do anything with) and then turned it back on you.

Me: it was good. I got all bit up by mosquitos though lol

Then... that was it. Awkward.

This is really ironic. You had more than enough to work with here. She said her 4th of July was "pretty good" and you did absolutely nothing with it, merely answering her question and saying nothing to hit the ball back to her.

All you had to do was ask, "What did you do that was 'pretty good'?"

**Active listening is what you need. It's easy to maintain conversation when your focus exploration and discovery, not just talking about yourself. If they hold up their end of it, you'll have your chance to talk about yourself when they ask questions of you. But as for your end:

You ask a question. Doesn't need to be fancy.
Then you stop thinking about what you want to say and LISTEN.
When they stop talking, then you think for a second about what to say and answer based on what they JUST said.
Rinse and repeat.

The bonuses here are:

This kind of approach gives you a LOT of information about the person you are talking to. And you know how information is power? All those guys who ask when they should be escalating or whatever, or asking what they should suggest for date activities..... they aren't paying attention to the girl in question, in most cases.
It requires you to be fully present to the moment, which helps in many areas of "game."
You take pressure off of yourself because people love talking about themselves so you can be relatively sure that the conversation will be interesting to them if you get them talking about something related to themselves.

spiritualdissonance · 2015-07-08T21:15:33+00:00

Me: how was your 4th of July? Her: it was pretty good how was yours? Me: it was good. I got all bit up by mosquitos though lol

Try something like:

You: Do anything interesting for the 4th?

(She feels pressure to tell you something interesting because the question was formed as a subtle neg.)

Her: Yeah, I got to see my family, which is nice, since they live in three different states and we rarely get together. We went up to a lake house and spent the day boating and grilling out.

At this point you can literally ask anything that comes to mind because she's given you several details about her life, her family and her interests that you can dig deeper with. After a few questions/responses, she should naturally reciprocate (IOI) by asking what you did for the 4th. If she doesn't (maybe she's shy or nervous), don't turn the conversation into an interview, that will kill any potential interest she had. Mention what you did (not that you got bit by mosquitoes, who gives a shit about that?), and why it was interesting. If she doesn't seem interested, pat yourself on the back for trying and move on. Maybe she just wasn't "available" that day, or maybe she's not interested. Doesn't matter, there are more girls out there.

SporkToAKnifeFight · 2015-07-08T17:27:21+00:00

Ask open questions... You're never going to get anywhere with yes or no answers.

EsseVideri · 2015-07-08T18:05:35+00:00

Short answer questions aren't good. Give them a chance to talk about what they did

PUA_101 · 2015-07-09T00:21:18+00:00

Like anything else this is a skill that only comes with practice. Being able to flow freely in a conversation is tough if you're not used to doing it. When you start out the best thing to do is just talk about whatever's on your mind, and don't try to censor yourself. Be genuinely passionate about the things you talk about, even if that voice in your head tells you it's a boring subject. Another great thing to do is be genuinely curious about the girl. It may seem interview mode at first, but like I said, this is just practice. After you have a few hundred conversations you'll get a much better feel for what hooks and what doesn't. Don't expect to be perfect right off the bat. This goes for anything else in pickup or life in general.

Finally, be present to the moment. Don't try to micromanage every little word that comes out of your mouth. This will translate into nervousness and the girl will pick up on it. It's better to talk about stupid shit while being comfortable in your own skin, than to have a "perfectly choreographed routine," which will come off as fake and incongruent as shit since you're new at this.

Title	The 'hey what's up?' barrier
Author	acartridgeinasegacd
Upvotes	13
Comments	9
Date	July 8, 2015 4:51 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3ckhua/the_hey_whats_up_barrier/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-hey-whats-up-barrier.1390733 https://theredarchive.com/post/1390733

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