I've always been a pretty lazy and unmotivated guy, but in the back of my mind there is always this nagging thought that in order for me to really sell myself I have to be perfect. That there's no point in doing things if I'm not going to be perfect at it. That a girl ultimately wants a guy who is a Brad Pitt-esque, seemingly flawless, God-like man. 6-pack abs? You must have them. Instagram stories of you at resort beaches with friends? Definite must. The absolute perfectly worded text to get her panties wet? You're god damn right!

Don't fall into this trap.

Are any of the above examples great to have? Of course they are. Do you need them? And more importantly do you need all of them? Not even remotely.

The truth is that you can have some "negative", or what society views as "negative", things about your life and still be incredibly attractive. The catch is that you need to have more "positive" things about you than "negative". No brainer right? Except that it's not with self-esteem issues and the nagging feeling of "not being perfect enough".

Let's say you've been working on yourself for awhile. You go to the gym, you eat healthy, you are stylish, and you've increased your ability to be around and talk to beautiful women. All things you've learned from this sub or other places no doubt. You're starting to see this gorgeous, fun girl and y'all are hitting if off. You make her laugh, you make her feel comfortable, you are bringing value to her life. And now let's say one or maybe a few of the following are also true:

  • You play a lot of video games
  • You text too much
  • You text too little
  • She makes more than you at her job
  • Her parents don't like you
  • Your dick is below average

You might be thinking; "Oh man, I probably text her too much. I'm going to fuck this up." or "Fuck she makes more than me how can any girl want to be with a man that can't provide for her?"

Instead, if you're still this person that makes her feel good and she has fun with you, she's really thinking:

  • He plays a lot of video games, but he has downtime and uses it how he wants to; having fun. I can't fault him for that. Guys are guys. Plus I love me some Playstation now and then.
  • He texts a lot but that just shows how much he cares for me. It's endearing.
  • He doesn't text me much, probably because he has other stuff to do throughout the day and stays busy!
  • I have a better job, but work isn't everything. I wish we'd follow the European model of choosing life over work anyways. He's got it down.
  • Fuck what my parents think. (and in the back of her mind realizing that all great romance stories involve disapproving parents)
  • I've had bigger, but he gives great head. He still gets me off hard with how passionate he is.

The reality is that people will make excuses for the minor "negative" habits, traits, or hobbies in your life as long as they enjoy being with you and you make them feel good.

The caveat is that some things are deal-breakers for some women. But really sit down and think if past failed relationships or being spurned by a woman happened *just* because you like playing video games or that you smoke weed and she doesn't or that you're both polar opposites when it comes to certain political issues. The answer is that it was a number of things that really stood out to her as "negative" so much that it outweighed whatever "positive" things she saw from you. She also probably started noticing how different you seemed once you started obsessing over the "negative" things about yourself. So stop letting that shit affect you so much! She will notice.

Just make sure to keep a better balance of "positive" over "negative" things in your life, by just staying healthy, fit, flirty, funny, etc. And then do what the fuck you want. Work on yourself. Be a great version of yourself. But don't focus your whole attention on trying to be a perfect specimen of man or even try to compare yourself with others. Maybe she dated a Brad Pitt-like guy who broke her heart and is looking for someone different anyways. Maybe your dick is bigger than his. Or maybe he gave her the clap and you're clap-free.

Fuck it. Don't lose sight of yourself in your journey.