I am going to talk about all of the progress I have made over the past four years. I know from being at the bottom of the hill it can be incredibly discouraging, and at times I just wanted to give up. It tested my confidence, ego, and will. I still have a lot more to learn, but I figured sharing could help someone see that it really is baby steps again and again until you look back and realize how much you have changed.

I started college just recently having broken up with my high school girlfriend. I pined for her for about 4 months until my friends told me I needed to quit it and finally got through to me. I would try to girls in the elevator in my dorm or in clubs, but I mostly just made friends. I made a good group of friends and had crushes on a couple of them, but nothing ever happened. I was a nice guy with no game. I was the classic people pleaser that just gets friendzoned and always hoped being nice would eventually get girls to like me. I even took a girl on a "friend" date... It really hit me when my friends told me to invite some neighbors over for a party, and it took them 5-10 minutes to convince me. I knocked and asked, but I was shaking like someone had just put a gun to my head. I tripped over my words and it felt terrifying. This is when it finally hit me I needed to change.

I found this sub and started reading a lot. I read the Game by Neil Strauss. The whole time it felt off and very try hard. There were a couple of good points, but overall the book is very shallow and gamey, with everything being a tactic and procedure that didn't feel like my style.

Every girl I met and continued to talk to became just a friend. I never let them know how I feel, and I felt the need to be perfect. I would never talk about sex or attraction. I wouldn't drink if nobody else was. I was so nervous about getting approval and being liked that I was never confrontational and had no strong opinions of my own

I read Mark Manson's Models which helped a lot. In it he talks about being forward with intentions and letting a girl know what you want. He talked about polarization and flirting and inner game. I really liked the book.

I started to approach more people and downloaded Tinder. I didn't do very well at either. It was especially tough comparing myself to my friends who were doing a lot better and having a lot more sex than me, which was none. Numbers wouldn’t respond much if I got them, probably because I was nervous with my openers and could only keep a pretty linear, logical conversation going for a few minutes. I tried to touch their lower back too much and didn’t realize this until a friend said something. I hadn’t quite figured out how to flirt and tease yet.

I managed to have sex a couple times mostly with casual friends or friends of friends. My flirting started getting better, and I was better calibrated about when and how to touch a girl.

Then, I got way too into a friend after we made out an she led me on for a while. I knew I had to change more.

I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and realized almost everything he said hit close to home, so I went and saw a therapist and learned a lot about the way I was beating myself down and how I hadn’t set any boundaries for anyone. This meant they lacked respect for me, and I lacked respect for myself. I started letting people know if I was upset and saying how I felt. The most important thing: I started going for and doing what I wanted without worrying about what somebody else thought of me. I told my friend who had put me down a lot that I was distancing myself from him. I got a lot more confident.

I also learned about everything I did wrong with my ex. I did whatever she wanted all of the time and essentially let her direct my life. I didn’t have a strong enough personality or tell her anything I wanted.

Now, I finally feel like I have made a lot of progress. I hold a lot longer conversations on cold approaches and build a connection. I get a much higher rate of texts back. I am getting laid more often.

Now, I am talking to 2 girls regularly, and got another number last night out that I have been talking to. I updated my tinder and hinge profiles and have gotten more matches. My text game has improved. I will go up to any girl and just introduce myself with a lot less anxiety. I still have a lot more improvement I can make, but I am proud of how far I have come.

Read about whatever topic you are lagging behind in (text, approach, conversation, etc) and put it into practice. It is hard to develop without both steps. It takes a long time to get better and you have to keep practicing and just keep the motto of “onto the next.” Good luck in the journey.