My last post was a rant about my oneitis http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/32bz9j/im_a_18_year_old_virgin_with_a_extreme_case_of/

I have just found out something that has launched me into a further depression; although its pessimistic - I don't see myself getting out of this. Basically, after the girl stopped talking to me she had sex with one of the jock boys while I was in the same house as them (it was a house party in Denver).

I was completely unaware of this until one of my friends told me about it yesterday. Now I'm thinking that she literally just dropped me for another guy within a week, and then fucked him. I feel physically and emotionally crushed. She must think I'm absolutely stupid. I fucking hate myself, why am I such a fucking failure? Why can't I be respected? For the first time in my life, every possible negative thing is happening all at once - my family, relationships, school, my social life. It's the first time I've ever felt like "yeah, I'm gonna kill myself today." I was questioning whether hanging myself in the college toilets today. I don't feel like living is the answer.

All of my confidence has been diminished, I feel like a corpse getting up and going to school. I put on a smile around my friends but I'm absolutely dead on the inside. While everyone else is getting busy with school and relationships - I feel like I'm getting left behind; drowning in the past. I've stopped having counselling because I thought I'd never be in the same state again, but it's worse than ever.

And to top it all off, my 'friends' have started picking on me in school because I look so tired all the time (I have sleeping problems). They tease me and call me 'virgin'. Theres no one I can speak to. I really need to start focusing on exams but my mind wanders off to how she betrayed me and smiled in my face the same day that she fucked someone else. It's sickening, and I think that my friends have played along with it.

The benefits of r/nofap are literally gone. I'm not over exaggerating. 30 days without even touching my penis and I still feel like absolute shit. I've never been this negative in my entire life. I feel like jacking off to porn until my dick comes off. It's fucking unbearable. Help me.