Three questions.

LingeringGnome · 2018-09-10T19:52:02+00:00

Shit test: How do you deal with the kind of shit test where you try to introduce any kind of "we" or "us" frame into the interaction and she calls you out on it. Like if you try to project a future with you both together somewhere and she kinda narrows her eyes with a little grin and goes "Hmmm, what's this 'we' all of a sudden, hm?".

Own it. Don't backpedal. Playful, teasing. Hank Moody.

Her: What's this "we" stuff, hmmmm?

You: Well, you're always trying to make out with me.

LMR: How do you deal with the thing that RSDTodd is talking about here (starting with "Have you guys ever had a girl do this?"). He describes this phenomenon and provides one possible solution but was wondering about others. His solution is to do a "pre-emptive freeze-out" but that assumes I know it's coming (hence "pre-emptive"). What if I don't see it coming and she does this though? By then it's too late to preempt. Why do girls do this?

they only do it if you're clumsy and acting submissive rather than dominant.

Closing: I've gotten ok at getting them back to my apartment but one of my sticking points is getting to business from there. We'll be walking around, bounce back to my place, but I don't want to just attack her with aggressive escalation right after closing my door. The vibe between me and the girl is great by the time we're at my place. I show her my stuff, whatever. Then what? How do I smoothly transition from "Yeah, this is my bookshelf. Check it out. This is actually a signed copy of....Hey, let me get some wine; I've got a bottle of...." to sex. Also, if we start in the living room, how do I lead her to the bedroom?>

This is part of being dominant and leading. When a woman comes home with me, I start kissing her as soon as the door is closed. Women WANT you to want them. They WANT you to want to rip their clothes off (obviously in a consensual and mutual way...if you can't tell the difference then don't engage this way) Ever see the covers of romance novels? There's a reason those covers are the way they are.

Look, man. Women are smarter than men for the most part. They know why they're going to your place. and they EXPECT you to know, and to lead.

I don't even dick around with any of that shit. There's so much amazing sexual tension ALREADY in the air when a woman walks through your door, that there's no need to really do anything else except get to the point. show her you want her in a dominant way.

I get invited out a lot on "girls night out" with my gf and her friends (some of whom I[ve fucked with my gf). They let me on on some of their gossip. A few times they've complained about guys on first or second dates who were awkward and hesitant about seduction. These women literraly were begging for the man to take them into bed in a dominant way, but the men had nice guy syndrome. After a few confusing and weak dates, the women ghosted the men.

Being dominant and congruent is SO IMPORTANT in game.

You asked how to lead a woman from the living room to the bedroom. Kiss her, then pick her up and let her wrap her legs around you, then carry her up to bed. Then toss her onto the bed. Lead with passion and congruency.

Chodedickbody · 2018-09-10T17:04:09+00:00

Personally I tend to avoid using "we" in that kind of context. I usually say "I" and then ask the other person if they'd like to join me. Because whether or not they come, I'm going to do whatever it is anyway.

As for #3, the way I usually escalate is if they're already in my apartment alone and there's chemistry, they obviously like me, so don't sweat it. Glass of wine and sit on the couch and read her body language. My test is if we're sitting next to each other and I put my arm around her, if she's receptive of that, I'll go in for the kiss. If your arm is around her, she likes you. You can use this to your advantage, whether you wait for the right moment. if im watching a movie or show with her and she's receptive of me putting my arm around her , I will put my finger on her chin and turn her head towards me, look at her lips, and go in for it. After you're kissing, it's smooth sailing from there.

Kissofdeathxoxo · 2018-09-10T16:11:31+00:00

Waiting for more comments.

stein378 · 2018-09-10T17:16:25+00:00

For 3. Keep candles or incense around your apartment/ bedroom. You can casually light them when you get back to your place and send a clear message without the awkwardness of verbally asking. Music goes a long way too. If you have a record player and vinyls definitely put some chill music on.

Setting a mood goes a long way in taking the awkwardness out of the situation.

Just don't overdue it and come off looking like a Hugh Hefner wannabe.

boofuckinghoo88 · 2018-09-10T17:18:46+00:00

Negative reinforcement, withdraw attention.
Agree sarcasticaly and carry on. Get physical but keep it above the waist till they reciprocate. Stop if you hear a no or stop.
Get physical on the couch then suggest the bedroom.

codewizbambam · 2018-09-10T21:59:19+00:00

"well it still depends on how you perform" and such
then freeze her out non-preemptively
what /u/LingeringGnome said.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-11T03:44:08+00:00

1

Shit test: How do you deal with the kind of shit test where you try to introduce any kind of "we" or "us" frame into the interaction and she calls you out on it. Like if you try to project a future with you both together somewhere and she kinda narrows her eyes with a little grin and goes "Hmmm, what's this 'we' all of a sudden, hm?".

This isn't a shit test.

What's happening is that a comment like this isn't you "framing" anything. It's you shoe-horning an interpretation of what's going on, and doing so prematurely.

Her comment in this situation is merely calling out what anyone else would have been thinking if they saw the whole thing play out. Trying to "frame" in this way, was trying too hard.

The remedy: Stop trying to verbally "frame" anything. Totally not necessary. Just have a normal conversation and test the waters with regard to physical escalation, and you're fine.

1.5

Body language tells me it's a joke and she's still into the interaction but I still don't know what to say when called out on concrete pickup moves like this. (What to do if body language is less responsive as well please).

Body language: you're focused on the wrong thing. The point is, at the point you started trying to "frame," things, you were derailing the train. Her body language might not have shown how derailed it was at that exact second and maybe she was willing to overlook it if you had a playful response to her teasing you about using "we."

As for what to do if body language is "less responsive," you don't "do" anything. You're going to be getting feedback all the time as you physically escalate. Some up, some down. If it's up, you match it. If it's down, you respect it and match it. Not complicated, but there's no way to really "make it" into something different than what it is.

However, if you don't panic and stay in the pocket, so to speak, then she'll come around if that's in the cards. If you panic and worry about what the "right thing to do," is, then you're done.

2

LMR: How do you deal with the thing that RSDTodd is talking about here (starting with "Have you guys ever had a girl do this?"). He describes this phenomenon and provides one possible solution but was wondering about others. His solution is to do a "pre-emptive freeze-out" but that assumes I know it's coming (hence "pre-emptive"). What if I don't see it coming and she does this though? By then it's too late to preempt. Why do girls do this?

A lot to unpack here:

Have I ever had a girl do that? Not really. Of course, girls are going to say things like, "We're not having sex tonight," and then you end up having sex anyway because the real situation was that the girl was shielding herself from feeling like a slut for being sexual. But if you're doing it right, the girl won't fake excuse herself to the bathroom and then reorient herself further away from you, unless you're pushing too hard and making it NOT FUN. This shouldn't be happening at all if you're paying attention to the girl instead of just single-mindedly pursuing what you want. Balance what you want with some awareness of where she's at, and you won't see this sort of strong push back.
His "remedy" is just trading one problem for another. Trying to manipulate the girl that he thinks will feel uncomfortable enough to physically space herself away from him. So he suggests beating her to the punch. Which is almost healthy. It's giving her what she wants, by showing her that you're aware of her state, but with a manipulative and mean undertone that's completely unnecessary. This "works" but in the process, either screens out girls who will pick up on the manipulativeness and be turned off, or it shifts the whole interaction into unhealthy territory and puts an expiration date on it. (Because some girls will still go through with sex in that situation, but will tire of the games.)

You don't need this tactic at ALL. What you need is to have awareness for the state of the woman. And then you won't have a girl pulling back this hard, because you won't be coming off like a guy who doesn't give two fucks about what she wants. You can get the same damn effect as the "Preemptive Freeze Out" by simply not pushing so hard in the run-up to sex. What does that look like? Don't make out like you're a starving man in the desert dying of thirst, who just found an oasis. Pause occasionally to take her pulse. Slow down sometimes. Tease it out. Overall, pay attention, take feedback into account, and pull back a smidge/slow down to get a feel where she is at.
Don't push her into the role of being the ONLY one who ever hits the brakes, and she won't grind the whole thing to a halt. If you play it right, she just might be the one who pushes it over the top at the end.

3

The vibe between me and the girl is great by the time we're at my place. I show her my stuff, whatever. Then what? How do I smoothly transition from "Yeah, this is my bookshelf. Check it out. This is actually a signed copy of....Hey, let me get some wine; I've got a bottle of...." to sex. Also, if we start in the living room, how do I lead her to the bedroom?

You're possibly over-thinking this. She's showing comfort if she's coming to your place alone.

You're at your place..... starting in the living room is FINE.

You put on some YouTube videos or NetFlix or whatever
You chill on the couch, videos or not. And have a damn conversation over wine.
She knows the score, so it's not a big deal if you start testing her boundaries. Edging in closer as you converse, etc. Eventually you should have your arm around her shoulder or at least over the part of the couch where her head is resting.
When you're within arms length, you're within kissing range. All you have to do is lean in a little during a lull in the conversation and she'll show if she's there yet. She might lean in, stay the same, or retract. Anything but retract, and you're good to slowly keep coming in. You get 90% of the way in, and she'll likely close the last bit herself. If she doesn't but seems cool still, you go the rest of the way in.

Done. :)

I don't see the problem with this playing out in the living room. Nothing stops you from starting to get naked on the couch. Nothing stops you from moving to the bedroom. Nothing is wrong with sex on the couch, either. Nothing requires you to start in the bedroom; that's actually so cliche that it might actually put a damper on the vibe anyway.

Title	Three questions.
Author	professor-cthulhu
Upvotes	6
Comments	15
Date	September 10, 2018 3:21 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9eo3l2/three_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/three-questions.1453093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1453093

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