Hey all.

I've posted at random over the last few weeks about some of my own relationship problems, and the responses I got to those threads has helped to evolve my understanding, so continuing. Just looking around, there are some people who are almost never single, have wide friend groups etc, and are able to pick this up, more or less from scratch whenever they move to a new location. Part of it's probably innate extroversion, which is a skill I'm really interested in developing, but beyond that, I think it's a degree of procedural awareness of social cues which I lack, due to my own upbringing and experiences which I'm trying really hard to acquire right now.

I'm a pretty attractive person, fit and in shape, and I would say high intelligence and extremely high verbal acuteness. I'm not trying to brag on myself, as I could just as easily itemize my flaws, like pretty severe anxiety, lack of social awareness etc. The point is, I'm someone who on paper should do really well with women, but haven't managed to materialize this so far.

I look around me, and for example, at my job, there's some guy who's less attractive than I am, less intelligent and weaker communication skills, but women seem drawn to him but ignore me for the most part and I really don't get it. I'm not jealous and I don't begrudge anyone else success, but comparing it to my own allotment, a lot of questions need to be raised and answered so I can start improving myself.

I think my main problem is lack of access. In his video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz9d4AV7WvA&t=3147s, the speaker says, to be successful with women you need three things(paraphrasing):

  1. access
  2. attraction.
  3. escalation.

I think my main problem is the first. I'm enrolled in college but I live off-campus, so I don't have access to this huge social network through dorm life. I work about 30 hours per week and not in a job where I'm directly meeting or interacting with tons of new people all the time. There are bars and clubs but I don't have an extensive enough friend group so 90% of the time I end up going out alone which feels awkward and tends to down-regulate the amount of success I can reasonable expect to achieve.

I don't really know how one goes about meeting large numbers of women outside of these contexts but seemingly, some people who are naturally skilled at seduction can build success for themselves anywhere, so that's what I want to learn.

Also, as a breakaway topic, although this is certainly not the correct forum for expertise topic, but backending it on what I've already established: OK, I'm already prescribed Adderall for ADHD and Lexapro for anxiety/depression; these interventions are rudimentarily effective but I still have enough anxiety that I'm hesitant and somewhat reserved around people and not super-extroverted. I don't like alcohol but whenever I drink(but not escalating to the point of inebriation, just a light buzz), it disinhibits me enough that I'm a lot more "loose" in my interactions with women, much less of a filter and I would say a lot more spontaneous and charming. I don't want to become a heavy drinker and I don't have consistent access to weed, so can anyone recommend me a nootropic that has a similar anxiolytic to alcohol but perhaps more sustainable in the long term. Or, on a more clinically serious note, Lexapro is just effective enough not to be useless, I tried Wellbutrin but t had a severly negative effect on me, and reading the side-effects of Cymbalta, I'm extremely reluctant to try it: does anyone have any experience with antidepressants/anxiolytics that served to greatly reduce social anxiety, so I can discuss it with my doctor on my next appointment?