Hi all, thanks in advance for reading this somewhat long-winded post - I've been throwing these thoughts around in my mind for months and I'd be excited to get some unbiased thoughts.

I am a decently attractive (7.5-8.5/10 is my guess), fit, 5'9-ish 22 year old guy. I've done well with girls since I've been 13 and am popular and well liked throughout my city. I am genuinely happy and very close with my family. I'm known for my confidence, humor and energy. I've founded several large academic initiatives, been an entrepreneur, banker, investor & now work for a start-up with some of the brightest minds in my city. Aside from the minor issue to be discussed, I love my life.

Throughout highschool & beginning of uni, I've gone through 2-3 girlfriends and lots of hookups with no issues at all. At this point in my life girls came right on to me and I didn't have to do any work. Until I met a girl in my 2nd year that I REALLY fell for - dated for 1.5 years with consistent and awesome sex. She was a 10/10 quantified by the sheer amount of guys who'd approach her in clubs, at school, grocery store, work, etc. To this day I still consider her to be one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in real life.

We broke up because she was dealing with family/personal issues and prefers to be alone in those times (we were very different in that way). And after we broke up, I naturally started talking to many other girls and shrugged it off pretty well. My ex on the other hand, was taking it very hard for a few months. This is when my confidence was highest, and I could have never predicted what would(n't) unfold next.

Fast forward to present day, around 1.5 years after the breakup. I've lived in three different cities: my hometown (population 300k), my work city (population 2-3mm) and now in Europe on exchange. I haven't hooked up with any girls at all - not even kissing. I usually didn't pay this much mind, because although it sounds corny, school & work is my top priority - along with spending time with family & friends. But when studying abroad with a group of new friends that have created a leaderboard measuring who has the most kills, it is hard to not reflect on what the hell went wrong...

At the end of the day, I'm not sure what I want. Hookups would be great, a 5 month Europe fling would be fun, but ultimately finding another girlfriend would probably be my favorite, as I do like being in a relationship and always have. All three of my ex-girlfriends are now great personal friends of mine and they'd each tell you that I am a good bf.

Before getting your insights, I'll share with you some key traits I've learned about myself since I've been single:

1) I tend to have really high standards now. Multiple girls have even approached me since the breakup and I never went for it. Obviously, given my recent performance, I can't warrant these standards and have repeatedly told myself to lower them... But, no other way to put it, this never happens. If I was back in my home town, I'd be able to hit up probably 2-3 decent looking girls for casual sex/dating - however now that I'm on the other side of the world for a while this isn't an option. Second sentence of 3) explains why I never did that when I was home.

2) I am extremely hesitant with making moves. A few of my past gf's were into the feminist/activism space and I've always been personally big on making sure that women feel comfortable. Although it's usually not my business, I've [successfully] interjected on several guys making unwanted advances on girls who clearly weren't interested. All this being said - I am confident and have had many hookups in my life but now, unless I can strictly tell that the girl is 100% interested, I will opt out. Additionally, if a girl I'm speaking with goes on to talk to a different guy instead, I take it as a sign she's not interested and let the other guy continue.

3) I'm not loving the crowd on my exchange program. Whenever I'd discuss my lack of sex with buddies, I would always use my upcoming Europe exchange as a "get out of jail free" card - i.e. "ah man, my focus is work now, I'll do well on exchange for sure" (like EVERYBODY, even unattractive guys, seem to do). Unfortunately I don't have too much in common with the guys at my exchange school, simply because I don't watch sports and that's all they talk about. Back home in the business/finance world, I am a clear alpha however here I'm often on the sidelines. This generally eats at my social credit... My interactions with the girls here, on the other hand, all seem to follow this notably weird and defined trend:

  1. 10-20 minute intro conversation, learn about eachother
    1. Note: good eye contact, lots of laughter, not distracted by phones/others, talking privately & aside from general group
  2. Wrap up with plans to meet up again, exchange contact info
  3. Message back & forth for short amount of time
  4. Conversation dies (which I never revive since I always take dry texting as a hint they're not interested)

The above exchange has happened with about 3-4 girls so far (it's been 3 weeks). I'm not so worried about this because everyone's getting started with classes, arranging travel plans & meeting 100 new people a day, but the trend was too observable for me not to mention.

In conclusion, this is by no means an issue that haunts my every day and I am living very healthy, happy life. But I'm the kind of person who likes to discuss these things so here I am.

By the way, if you're looking for the thesis I've been relying on throughout the past year and a half it's this: I value hookups/relationships that happen organically & without unnatural force and the reason I'm on the path of seemingly regaining my virginity is because I just haven't found the right person/people yet. So I'll just go with the flow, take one day at a time, and do my best to convert my work confidence to girl confidence.

Thanks for reading

D