When does insecurity start to fade away?

chonguey · 2013-11-06T23:34:03+00:00

It never goes away. You just get better at ignoring it.

There is no magic bullet to lessen those butterflies. It's a key part of desire. It means you want this girl, but nothing more than that. Not that she's special. Or she's "The One." She's just very attractive to you on many levels.

The key is to not live and die by her response. If she likes you back, awesome! If not, you have to understand there are 3.5 billion other girls in the world and there are many, many who would kill to be with you. You just have to find them.

No woman automatically has power over you to control your mind and your heart. Only if you give her that power.

Learn to hold fast to the idea "I am in charge of my own happiness and my own emotions and no woman will be able to have a say in that unless she truly earns that."

And very few do.

recyclablebantha · 2013-11-07T02:47:21+00:00

I can't help but feel a little more attachment to one girl. I don't act on this feeling of insecurity, but it is like a dull pain in my stomach, almost like butterflies. I know, I would have a slightly more emotional reaction to this girl, but I don't know why or how.

What you're describing isn't insecurity. It's, as you say, butterflies.....the standard hallmark of emotional attachment. Which is a normal, healthy thing to feel.

If you're dead-set on stomping that out, then you're on the path to developing some serious psychological problems because the only people who don't have that sort of feeling, at some point or another, are sociopaths or people with personality disorders.

My question is, when does this insecurity start fading away? I've felt more and more confident in every day interactions and have really felt proud of myself in how far I have come, but whenever I think about this girl (although there are others I'm interested in well), I can't help but hold preference and get an odd feeling in my stomach.

Confidence and insecurity have nothing to do with ridding yourself of emotional attachment, which is not something you should want, anyway. Having preferences is GOOD, it shows that you can be aware of what you want. If you stomp this out or suppress it, you're seriously going to have big problems that will take years to solve.

You shouldn't be looking to eradicate emotional attachment, which is a healthy part of being HUMAN. You should be looking to have better control over how you develop those attachments or react to them, as /u/chonguey was explaining. (Hint: getting rid of them or ignoring them is not the way to go.)

You're better off focusing on developing your confidence in areas that have nothing to do with external factors like the approval of your peers at school or girls. Look for things you can take pride in, like building up skills and abilities, learning new things, or accomplishing things. Think about the man you want to be and figure out what you need to learn in order to become that man.

HitchSlap92 · 2013-11-07T00:55:23+00:00

For me? About 5 drinks in. It's different for everyone though.

But for real, when does it go away? That's the thing, it really doesn't. You just get used to it and when you get used to it, it doesn't become a big deal anymore. Anyone who has been in love can attest to this fact.(I was in love once: still had the butterflies from day 1 till break up. It's only natural.)

Royale28 · 2013-11-07T02:09:47+00:00

Success.

DC670 · 2013-11-07T04:04:04+00:00

This is good! That feeling, like many others lets you know that your'e alive. Embrace the insecurity and view it as a challenge and work to overcome it. Know that we, as men, are the active sex and its up to us to lead, not follow. Know that everything in life is at your fingertips if you choose to take it. That's all there is to it, honestly. Get out there and make life your bitch!!

bettereveryear · 2013-11-07T04:59:24+00:00

Can I just say that you're an extremely well written junior high kid? It's either that or I have low standards in pre-college writing skills.

torquesteer · 2013-11-07T07:21:38+00:00

It depends on how you define insecurity, doesn't it?

If you see insecurity as that feeling like you're never good enough, as something that you had to compensate for, then it goes away as soon as you realize you are more than good enough. As Mark Manson said, you don't have to perform to any level; you are good enough as who you are. Who are you? You're a badass junior in high school, pimping balls out, and quite a good writer, if I may add.

If you define insecurity as a crippling anxiety that keeps you chained to one belief and stops you from taking actions, then it stops when you know how to deal with it. I say stop but I mean the anxiety never goes away. It just propels you to take bolder and bolder actions if you train your mind to react appropriately. In some respect, you don't want it to fade away. You want it to become stronger and stronger so you face bigger challenges everyday. Then by overcoming it, you know you are sharpening your mind and skills to conquer more higher quality women in the world.

If insecurity is like the very definition of the word--lack of security, then it'll probably only get stronger. As the redpill theory suggests, the construct of which society is being built on, security, is a mirage. There are only two modes in this world--thrive or die. You are either always on the outer edge, searching, experimenting, and adapting; or it's time to accept your fate and wither away.

Personally, I feel like I'm reaching a point (not quite there yet) where I don't see obstacles anymore. I only see friends I haven't met. I only potential lovers I haven't connected with. I see adventures that I don't yet have the time for.

A buddy from mine was telling me about these crevasses that he had to cross to reach the top of Mt. Rainier. Some of them were so deep you couldn't see the bottom. There were so many of them in one field that you had to be really lucky not to cross at least one. I asked how did he get to the top then. He said he wasn't really thinking about the crevasses. He didn't let the danger infect his goals. Sure, he had to prepare and deal with them, but they didn't stop him from getting what he truly desired most.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2013-11-07T04:02:44+00:00

Anyone telling you butterflies never go away are wrong in my experience. Having been married before and having kids makes the butterflies go away. Seriously couldn't give less of a crap what anyone cares about me forever now.

2013-11-07T06:02:45+00:00

It's gone as soon as you start not giving a fuck.

SuperToaster93 · 2013-11-07T06:08:07+00:00

It gets easier with age, but it doesn't completely disappear.

ComplimentingBot · 2013-11-07T11:25:52+00:00

When you decide to.

SpaceCatNinja · 2013-11-07T21:45:59+00:00

I am a fan of the redpill

Ugh. Why? Just stay here for the PUA material. You don't need all of the anti-women bullshit attached.

svall · 2013-11-07T10:15:27+00:00

with experience of success

Title	When does insecurity start to fade away?
Author	ImpKirk
Upvotes	31
Comments	24
Date	November 6, 2013 11:10 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1q2675/when_does_insecurity_start_to_fade_away/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-does-insecurity-start-to-fade-away.1361108 https://theredarchive.com/post/1361108

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