Why is this difficult?

recyclablebanthas · 2017-07-05T09:08:09+00:00

An interesting question, I think. I personally think that, as a people, we have lost touch with the ways that we used to have for finding someone. (The point with the following is not that we need to bring any of these back necessarily. Just that we used to have ways that we don't now.)

Services like old school matchmaking, when someone who knew all the people in an area, used to appoint a match, utilizing wisdom. Sounds quaint now because we live in societies too big for this to feasibly work the way it used to.
Many societies used to have traditions of (social partner) dancing, unlike mainstream US culture today. Such dance scenes were great for meeting people. If you haven't ever tried a social partner dance, you have no idea how efficient it can be at showing you how strong the chemistry is between you and another person. It's possible to know within seconds, to a few minutes, if you have a strong connection. At least physically.
And overall, we place WAY more expectations on courtship today. Ideas about love and marriage have changed drastically over the last hundred or so years, for example. Love used to have little to do with marriage, and now we have gone from marrying a good partner, to expecting a spouse to be a "soul-mate," "the best sexual partner," "financially successful," and so on and so forth.
But for my money, a BIG factor lies in the fact that we are passing down a certain definition of manhood that doesn't include being empathetic. We encourage girls to develop empathy and punish boys in a variety of ways for being "pussies," if they show sensitivity to the people around them. One of the biggest problems that I see on Seddit, boils down to men not knowing what to say or do, when simply paying attention to the girl would supply most of these answers. Another big problem involves men thinking that they are supposed to be in control of everything, all the time. Which leads to men placing WAY too much pressure on themselves for things they really don't have (full) control of.

So to sum up, society has changed and no longer provides many avenues for men and women to hook up, that it used to, and we pretty much teach our men to think about social interactions in a way that shoots them in the foot when they try to enter the dating pool.

savagesteve_13 · 2017-07-05T04:07:34+00:00

Natural selection favors the bold.

ExtraCheesePlease88 · 2017-07-05T09:20:47+00:00

What is difficult for you? Approaching? Conversing?

It just takes practice.

chaosandmayhem · 2017-07-05T16:28:41+00:00

Because at a fundamental level, it requires you to take stock of who you are as a man and confront your inner demons. I'm not tremendously experienced, but the big gains are not to be made in "say this, do this." They're mindset and lifestyle changes.

Bored · 2017-07-05T10:50:27+00:00

It has always been difficult, but in different ways. In the past couple hundred years, the rules for dating/relationships were well-known and those who succeeded just had to do their best while following the rules. Those who had trouble following the rules would find pickup difficult in this era. But today, there rules of the past don't apply anymore, and the hard part is figuring out what the rules are. "Naturals" will have a slight upper hand in this wild west of a dating era because they can figure out the hidden new rules on their own.

Taeolian · 2017-07-05T04:09:06+00:00

Nothing great is meant to be easy.

2017-07-05T03:59:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Why is this difficult?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	14
Date	July 5, 2017 3:32 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6lblbo/why_is_this_difficult/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-this-difficult.1429941 https://theredarchive.com/post/1429941

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