All rihgt, fel like need to talk about this cuz it's a mistake many guys seem to make... Has it happened to u that women usually go cold on you whenever you try to get serious and demand to know where this is going, specially when you've been only going out for less than a month? Have you aslo reassured her that you can give her as much time as she needs to make a decision about you and she simply ended it there?

Well when you do that "seeking clarity"... You don't seek answers about where you stand to connect more, you seek clear answers to protect yourself from a potential future dissapointment and that is not a legitimate need. You are trying to avoid being vulnerable unless there is guarantees and that disconnects you from your authenticity and hers.

So your need for clear answers is not legitimate because it's rooted in not wanting to be dissapointed, on wanting guarantees to avoid having to expose yourself or wasting time, unless the result is guaranteed and sorry but that is not how early dating dynamics work or should work.

If you want to connect with a girl and potentially build something, then the story needs to unfold naturally without expectations at the beggining. You cannot really ask her for spoilers because even she doesn't know where things will lead and doesn't want to know either. This is like asking her to spoil the ending of a movie when it jsut started, because you are not sure if you wanna see the movie unless you know and like the ending first.

If you feel like you don't wanna waste your time and leave, then that must mean that whatever you've had until now isn't worth exploring more, that you simply are not enjoying what you currently are experimenting together, but if you just wanna avoid wasting time because you don't have guarantees that the future will lead to where you want that is simply not legitimate...

And asking her clarity about that will only force her to make a rush decision to make it clear that she doesn't see it anywhere.

Not because that's how she genuinely felt before you asked because at most she just was not sure, but rather because you trapped her into maing a rushed decision without having the answers.

And women under pressure would rather lose a potential good guy that they like, than making a rush decision that forces them to perform and chose a the wrong guy that tried to rush them.

In other words, what she doesn't want is spoilers and expectations of what should happen in the future dates, and if you ask then she will draw a line in that effectively telling you no kissing/no sex/no relationship for now, but that's only if you ask... Why?

Because if you ask then you are forcing her to make a choice now, and since she can't promise she will be in the mood for any of that next time you two meet, she doesn't want to feel like the villian because she promised "sex or kissing or relationship was guaranteed", and then changed her mind last minute due to not being in the mood...

Because if that happened, you would be mad and accusing her of leading you on, accusing her that she said last time sex or kissing or relationship was definetely happening...

But that's because you as a guy have two problems:

1. You think women are the gatekeepers of relationships who decide if you are worthy of being their boyfriend, when at best, it's the man who is the gatekeeper who decides if she is worhty of dating him
2. You don't understand that women want things only if they feel it in the moment. You as the guy always know what you want before you have it, altough you really shouldn't want a relationship so early without preperly screening her for a loooong time, but women often don't know until they have it or lose it.

So you project how you think onto them... you think: "I know i want a relationship or just sex from the moment i first talk to her, so she must also know from the first moment she talks to me if she wants a relationship or just sex from the first moment she talks to me"

This type of male logic doesn't resonate at all with how women, specially the younger ones, think and experience dating dynamics. With older ones it could be different because due to age, many of them may feel the urgency of settling down as soon as possible and avoid wasting time. Not the case with younger women.

Women might have a vague blurry idea of what an ideal outcome would be, but not be sold exactly on who the right type of guy to live that outcome is or if that outcome they imagine is even the one they truly want, or if they want it with him in particular... They might feel great with a guy in one moment and have high hopes in that moment, and then the next day they might feel different because they thought of something he said or did, or maybe she suddenly realized what she thought she wanted doesn't make her happy or fulfilled and now wants something else.

There is no consistency in her desires and outcomes, because it depends on her feelings which change just as much as the weather. So that's why you can't really treat dating like that. You can't ask them what they want because more often than not, they don't know what they want at least until they have it, or lose it.

You would be pushing her away with this shit. A woman is never gonna choose you under pressure. Never. If a relationship has to happen, it will happen naturally as you both become more invested, not because you want to rush ahead and skip the story of this movie to get to the end asap because you hate the suspense and want spoilers to prevent yoruself from having to feel something

This is also why you sholdn't say you will wait for her to make a decision because even if you tell her you can wait as much as she needs, there is stil pressure since u 've already decided.

She would rather not lead you on and end it now, than risk being seen as the villian who led you on. Because she can't promise that she will eventually want what you've already decided you want much earlier than her, if she is not feeling it. So since she can't make promises, she will self-reject instead of making you wait to avoid feeling guilty for potentially giving you hopes or leading u on.

Don't get me wrong if you've been having sex regularly for 3/4 months, then it's fine to ask where this is going, if you really want a girlfriend, because you shouldn't really be on hold forever, but by that time it's usually women who will bring the topic because they aslo will likely be ready for commitments.

But until then you shouldn't start any serious conversations about labels or commitments or anything like that. Just have fun and hook up.