In our current hookup culture, people often settle for the lowest common denominator. Men and women just want to get laid and have a warm body next to them. However, this sort of thinking often leads to misery and unhappy relationships and situationships. That is why from the beginning you should vet and narrow down your choices to 2 or 3 and only move forward with someone with whom you have the most potential and make it absolutely clear you will not accept anything less than commitment.

I say potential here, because being part of a couple is unrealised potential. What one person can achieve on one's own is quite different from what a couple can achieve together. Here are some of the most common mistakes men and women make when choosing a partner: they only focus on 1) his/her financial status/job or 2) his/her looks

Women who choose men for their money will ultimately always be miserable because they chose the illusion of financial security over that ineffable it factor. Oh, he has a good job and he can provide for me, so I'll marry that guy. No, wrong. They'll be stuck in a dead bedroom marriage for decades and after a long acrimonious divorce, she'll finally let her hair loose and meet a younger guy for sex only lol. Or a woman will think he's so hot, I want to have sex with him, then wonder that guy will never commit to her. She brings nothing to the table aside from a warm body

Examples:

Case 1: A married woman says her husband is great. He provides for her, for their family, lets her stay at home and indulge in her hobbies (eg, online shopping and reddit) and he always does his share of the house chores even if he is the main provider. However, she is unhappy, not attracted to her husband and wants a divorce because something is missing in her life: romance. She wants the kind of swept off your feet feeling with a Prince who can take away from her life and bring excitement into her life.

She married for financial security, and now realises her life is totally boring and she has no career except for her hobbies of online shopping and reddit. It is a far cry from being one-half of the power couple she used to want to be when she was younger. She has given up all her dreams and wonder why she's miserable. She didn't go for the guy who made her heart leap because at the time, she viewed those men as financial unstable. She didn't see the potential in them. But let's think about this, most billionaires' wives didn't marry their husbands for their money. They met them as they were starting out, struggling with bills, trying to get their startups off the ground. She didn't like that kind of uncertainty and instead settled for a guy who already had a career who could provide for her. She's now filled with many regrets because she finds her life unfulfilling. She keeps thinking maybe she should go a graduate degree in public policy. She's not really the stay at home type and she hates doing housework and chores. Her husband is "great" yet she wants a divorce.

Case 2: A woman says she wants a guy she could cuddle with, watch movies with, talk with and take showers with. Those were literally her only requirements. She essentially wants a warm body because she is touch starved and hasn't been in a romantic relationship for a long time. She wants to be swept away like the characters in a teen romance, but she will settle for a FWB from work because she just wants someone to talk to, feel emotionally close to and also cuddle with. She's not particularly picky and any man in the near vicinity will do, maybe a coworker or a friend. Her way of description for someone she's having sex with is "well, he's not ugly." Then months down the line, she wonders why no man will commit to her. She's touch starved and men rarely pay attention to her, so she latches onto the first guy who gives her time and attention and mistakes it for "chemistry". She does everything she thinks a good girlfriend would do. But let's think about this. This woman has low standards. If not for AnyGuyAtWork, she'll probably hook up with AnyGuyWho'sANeighbour. Her only requirement is hanging out at her apartment and watching movies and ordering takeout. Now, how boring is that? After a while, this sort of thing gets stale and predictable.

In addition, people who work in the same sectors never work out. Think of it this way, how many relationships have worked out for people who are coworkers or work in the same profession? This is why actors should never date actors, directors with directors, lawyers with lawyers, political people with other people who work in politics, doctors with doctors, artists with other artists etc. It just never works out when you work in the same sector or for the same company. This is because after a while, there will be no variety nor complementary aspects to the relationship and after the initial sex hormones of bonding fade, people who work in the same sectors will eventually become competitive with each other. "Oh you think your career is more important than mine?" etc. In the beginning near proximity and similarities may attract, but in the end, it's the differences and complementary aspects of the couple that keep them together.

Hence why you should always look for a potential partner in a completely different profession from yours. For example, an outgoing, lively woman who works in politics shouldn't try to date her coworkers, that's just asking for heartbreak down the line. She should think about meeting nerdy entrepreneurs from Silicon Valley with whom she initially seems like she has nothing in common, but often nerdy, techy engineers and entrepreneurs tend to be drawn towards lively, extraverted life of the party types who are different from them. She should absolutely not settle for a FWB from a coworker whom she hopes will eventually commit to her, because the chances of that happening is not likely when her only requirement for a partner is a warm body to hang out at home and watch movies and she's essentially free therapy for him.

Case 3: A creative-writer guy wants to find a long-term girlfriend. However, his only requirement for a girlfriend, is "she should accept me for who I am". However, he spends all his time swiping on hookup apps. This is absolutely the worst thing he can to do to find a girlfriend. Instead, he'll become miserable after awhile because he wonders why people on dating apps are so flakey and never respond to him when on the exterior, he's got a lot going for him.

The ideal places for him to find a girlfriend is professional networking sites where he can meet people who work in technical sectors. If he ever got the energy to sign up for one of the numerous conferences in his prime location where many businesses are located, he may find that he'll eventually meet one of the numerous stylish girls in skirt suits at an event who may be looking for a graphic designer. However, despite that numerous sexy girls are located near him, he only goes for the kind of women who are looking for sex on apps and wonder why he's so undesirable? The simple fact is, women who are looking for long-term relationships are never on apps. They're busy focusing on their careers and hoping to meet someone through networking. Hence, he has completely overlooked an entire opportunity to meet numerous women in person because he rather stay home and swipe left or right or go to the occasional bar where alcoholics regularly hang out.

Also this guy has low standards: "She should accept me for who I am" should be a minimum standard, a given. it doesn't say anything about whether he is able to reciprocate love or if he's able to work together in a relationship. He's also like the lady in Case 2, looking for a warm body to hang out with at home. Instead of thinking he needs a warm body, he should think about how a woman can add value to his life and how he can add value to hers.

Case 4: A guy who is a senior executive at an ad agency thinks women simply "settle" for him. He's a workaholic and often spends the most time with his coworkers. In his mindset, he has nothing to offer except offer financial security due to a bad experience he had with a previous ex-wife. The problem is that he married her initially because he just wanted a pretty wife despite that there were numerous red flags about her personality and behaviour that made him think otherwise from the onset. He ignored his intuition because he has somewhat of a codependent personality and just wanted to be settled and married to fit in with his coworkers and she happened to give him a lot of attention at the time and he disliked the "dating" and "courtship" rituals because these things often take patience and time.

He also has a tendency to choose women who have a Jekyll and Hyde personality because his mother was similar. Often he'll choose women who will criticise him and reveal all his personal habits to everyone they know, making fun of him in front of everyone he knows, then will also shower him with love and affection. His ex wife had this kind of Jekyll and Hyde personality where nothing was ever good enough for her and she would reveal embarrassing things about him then alternate by showering him with words of affection. Similarly, he has a FWB who does the same exact thing. She reveals embarrassing things about his personal grooming habits, say she's not really physically attracted to him to other people he knows then shower him with words of affection and listen to him with care when in his presence.

This man has low standards. He's used to this meangirl/nicegirl two-faced dichotomy because he doesn't think he deserves any better. He thinks he can only offer financial security and so he spends all his time chasing after money and easy sex. He thinks maybe if he's rich enough, he'll eventually find a pretty wife who can cook like his grandmother.

If he's really interested in finding "a pretty wife who can cook like his grandmother", then the obvious answer is that he should really spend more time networking at culinary institutes or businesses where women own restaurants or even hang out in groups for women interested in recipes and cooking. However, he wastes his free time on his FWB with a Jekyll and Hyde personality who may or may not be a lesbian, but who has told everyone she's not physically attracted to him, but who also likes him in a romantic way due to both being touch starved because he thinks he can't do any better.

Opportunity Cost is the time you lose that you could be working on something great or be with someone you really connect on all levels with vs. the time you spend on something mediocre and lukewarm in which you try to fill the void with a warm body.

When you settle for something you think you deserve because you can't do any better, that is exactly what you get. That is why you should always have high standards for yourself and not spend time on things or people who only serve as mere distractions to you, and instead focus on the things and people who inspire you to be your best. This is why you should always focus on the potential of a relationship rather than "I can't have what I really want so I'll settle for that".

If you want something, you have to go get it. You can't wait for it to come to you. Fate favours the Bold.