Falsely accused of rape by my rapist.

contraterrene · 2018-01-14T11:42:01+00:00

Emails can be undeleted.

Look in your archives, perhaps it remains somewhere and of not try looking in old im's or text messages to establish a timeline of innocence.

Lookingforguidance00 · 2018-01-14T12:38:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

crabpipe · 2018-01-14T15:36:59+00:00

Same thing happened to me, brother. My then-girlfriend used the threat of false rape charges after I initially refused sex. And then after the breakup she told my entire social circle that I raped her.

Its a common tactic of abusers. PM me if you need to talk.

HeForeverBleeds · 2018-01-14T18:28:05+00:00

Female predators love to play the victim, and too often it works. Already people don't believe women sexually abuse men, let alone if she's the one crying and claiming to have been attacked

There's been some good advice posted here, but all I can say is that I'm sorry. I've gone through a similar thing and am still dealing with the anxiety and other psychological effects from it. Feel free to message me if you want to talk

BernieSandersgirl101 · 2018-01-14T14:26:51+00:00

(Hugs) Much Support.

IronJohnMRA · 2018-01-14T18:55:39+00:00

I have no idea what to do.

Get a lawyer. In some cases they can get a judge to order to stop her from posting. I think it's called a, "gag order" or "cease and desist". Also, if she put all this in writing, and made it public, you might have a case against her for defamation.

michaelpaoli · 2018-01-14T18:16:00+00:00

So ... may be a bit general on the advice, but ...
* legal stuff? There's various stuff you could do ... but sometimes/often best advice may well be "don't stir the hornet's nest" - actions that may agitate the person - even if legally well within your rights - might only make matters worse for you. Remember there's not only the legal bits, but also, e.g., the court of public opinion. If she's got a tendency towards lying, false accusations, etc., she may later refocus her attention to some other target (or may have hit additional "targets" in the past ... and you just happen to be the current one). * gather as much relevant evidence as feasible - emails, texts, social media postings, etc. Don't forget to include evidence regarding who was and/or wasn't where, and when (e.g. receipts, various digital transaction trails that track to a specific time and place - store purchases, roads/bridges or public transit that tracks time/location such as electronic toll collection or "smart" transit card). Also, if she has a history of this or does this to others in future - may be worth seeing if you can gather evidence on that too - e.g. did she also do likewise with some other guy or some other guy she broke up with less than amicably? Other more general evidence of her making false claims (e.g. claiming a degree she doesn't have, claiming she lived somewhere she never did - general false claims?). * so, if she's claiming you raped her, and you didn't - that's legally actionable ... but see also the above. * as far as criminal ... mostly not relevant ... there would generally need to be physical evidence, etc. ... the criminal threshold is "beyond a reasonable doubt" - so that's a pretty high burden of proof. Now, if she'd gone straight from having sex with you, then to the police claiming rape, that'd be much more complicated - but sounds like that's not the case. D.A.s (for better and/or worse) much less likely to prosecute a case where (claimed) victim didn't promptly come to the police - notably because it's much harder to get juries to convict in such cases. * civil? Probably fair bit 'o stuff ... on both sides, ... either could sue the other for whatever, but ... winning such a case? ... "preponderance of the evidence" is the burden of proof (for the most part) * restraining orders - also civil, but bit of an exception - burden of proof is "clear and convincing evidence" - so comes part way between the two aforementioned above. * anyway, ... lots of relevant evidence (which may also accrue/"leak" over time - e.g. maybe she'll eventually confide in someone that it's total B.S.) ... may be able to (later) totally discredit the false accusations, and/or take relevant appropriate legal action/recourse ... or those false accusations may just fade off into obscurity. * in any case, don't panic ... one step at a time.

So ... couldn't say what would necessarily be the best course(s) of action in your situation ... other than do gather relevant and potentially relevant evidence as feasible. And you know her much better than any of "us", so you're in much better position to know and decide many of these matters.

And yeah, ... accusations ... though most are in fact true, there's a non-trivial percentage that aren't ... but rather are malicious or mistaken (e.g. mistaken identity on rapist ... convicted ... years later ... DNA ... good/bad news - he didn't do it - his (similar looking) brother did). Fortunately never had any serious accusations etc. launched at me ... but did once upon a time have a woman threaten to make a highly serious false accusation/charge. Also do kind'a personally know someone (acquaintance) who did get some serious false accusation/charges thrown at 'em ... but that was a bit simpler - law enforcement did investigate and all that and make quite a mess of things ... but there was no there there - so the long shot of it was that essentially nothing came of it, as the accusations were completely baseless.

And ... in case it's not already obvious, don't be trusting/exposing yourself to persons that are not or may not be sufficiently trustworthy - as that can end up going seriously sideways.

Oh ... legal bits ... I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV. There are some law/legal related subreddits that may be quite helpful.

JebberJabber · 2018-01-15T02:04:14+00:00

She has the upper hand here in several ways, you have to ask yourself what winning could realistically look like before you think about fighting.

If you could recover the harassing emails, would that change public opinion of people who think you raped her?

Could you even prove those recovered emails to be genuine, to the satisfaction of her followers? They aren't going to do any work to check out your story.

She does not have the option of backing down. Even if you can win in court, what would you win? She has to comply with the court but that does not mean backing down so far as her social attacks go. She can still post passive-aggressive "inspirational" posts that her followers will understand to be about you, and get friends to do her work.

What does she get out of continuing to post allegations? Think carefully about that.

Do you realistically still have mutual friends, bearing in mind that she will demand their loyalty? They won't be allowed to sit on the fence.

This does not look like a winnable situation. Unless you are going to have a battle (which you know is stupidly dangerous), your first priority is to remove any ongoing sources of dispute. This typically requires compromising on things you feel are unfair, or just giving in so you can have peace. Give up everything. Don't appoint yourself judge of what is too trivial to matter to her, or what is reasonable.

Choose your battle lines, work out what you are capable of defending. There may be whole friend groups you need to just abandon to her. Don't just assume you can keep your job, your city, all your family members. Cut out all the cancer.

People with narcissist parents call this NC: No Contact. Enforcement of it often requires cutting out their siblings and other family members, who the narcissist will force to serve as flying monkeys.

A friend is loyal to you, and they can't do that and keep an open mind about her. This is why rape victims often end up with a drastically reduced set of friends and maybe family members, and may leave their campus, job or city.

There is a lot of justice in the world, but there is also a lot of randomness, chaos, mental illness, self-centredness, misunderstandings, malignancy. You didn't deserve what happened to you and your mental health requires you remove yourself from situations where your decency as a human being is in question. That would be a good parting phrase to leave behind when you cut off social ties. You might find some individuals reach out to you secretly, but don't expect it. You need to be realistic about what kind of a friendship can be carried out in secret.

Blackhawktestpiot · 2018-01-30T20:34:50+00:00

Run. Leave CA or your going to lose this case.

Elegant-Jackfruit193 · 2023-03-22T00:04:34+00:00

I know this is 5 years old, but it’s happening to me right now and I need to ask.

Person X assaulted me while they were drunk, didn’t remember anything, and later decided to accuse.

5 years removed, do you have any advice? How’s everything gone? Were you able to find fulfillment in any way?

Struggling. Hope you aren’t anymore, and would love advice.

Title	Falsely accused of rape by my rapist.
Author	Lookingforguidance00
Upvotes	47
Comments	25
Date	January 14, 2018 8:01 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/7qaopn/falsely_accused_of_rape_by_my_rapist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/falsely-accused-of-rape-by-my-rapist.907813 https://theredarchive.com/post/907813

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