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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You were lucky. My friend called the police and when they showed up they said, "When you call 911, SOMEONE is going to jail. Who's it going to be?" He chose to go.
[–]Il128[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She would have gone. Or they'd have taken me against my choice.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, it was clear she wasn't going to be the one going to jail (she's a MOTHER after all) so it would have been them hauling him in one way or the other. He decided to spare his children seeing that.
[–]jmanlaughs 5 points6 points7 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This society depresses me, a man gets attacked and they throw him out. Unfortunately this is all too common. I only hope someday you find a way to stop her.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 16 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
If you're at the point where calling 911 on your spouse is a viable option, its time to seek couples therapy or get a divorce.
Your relationship is fucked.
[–]Il128[🍰] 7 points8 points9 points 16 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
She refuses to go. She doesn't like couples therapy because the therapist never sits there and goes along with her theory that I'm evil and she is good.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER LEAVE HER
In case you didn't catch that...
FUCKING LEAVE THE CUNT
[–]Il128[🍰] -1 points0 points1 point 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No money to do it with. Can't afford the rent on an apartment or home and provide the children with a home and her. She's a stay at home mom who refuses to get a real job. She does work 12 hours a weekend at Old Navy for minimum wage. What a gal!
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey cool, she's even got you making excuses for her.
You know what? Since you're uninterested in doing anything to alter your situation, I'm uninterested in hearing you whinge about it. You made your bed, now lie in it.
[–]Frosty840 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Cool. Your wife's insane and violent and if you leave, she ruins you financially, forever.
And they wonder why men think that marriage is a silly idea.
[–]Il128[🍰] 3 points4 points5 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some wonder why I'm afraid... Your observation is the same as mine. I am trapped.
[–]garthock 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is better to be poor and happy, than to be rich and miserable.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Dude, video tape the incident when she hits you, then get a lawyer, then get a divorce and virtually pay her nothing b/c you have proof that she physically abuses you, then youre free!
[–]Il128[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How in the Hell am I going to video tape her hitting me? It's illegal to do it without her knowledge and consent.
its not illegal if its violence etc. Depends on the state as well. But generally if its violence, then its ok.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Many many ways. One way is just video tape it. Set down the camera after dinner and have a conversation that you've been wanting to have with her about her physical violence toward you, even show her you are video taping it to show her later how she acts. There is a good chance her emotions will take over at some point and she will lose it and get physical if you are approaching topics that are sensitive to her and she gets defensive enough. Another way is to install security cameras in your own house. All footage there is legal b/c she obviously consented to have them put in the house and theyre right there, she knows she is being recorded. (heck , post a note on the fridge as a sarcastic joke saying that "you are being videotaped" to make it legal) Of course , ask a lawyer what is allowed as evidence in court, but you can get creative, there are many ways to get actions on tape legally. Think of a play, doing a movie, acting out a scene, sex tape, etc.. Like make a sex tape and leave the camera rolling afterwards and have a conversation, theres many ways.
[–]Il128[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Like make a sex tape and leave the camera rolling afterwards and have a conversation, theres many ways.
/shiver You have no idea how gross that would be. /wretch
There is no doubt I am going to have to do something. The journal and the photographing worked after the last time for about six months, twice a long as usual between attacks.
I know the police's reaction to yesterday has emboldened her a great deal. I'm kind of afraid what I'm going home to after work.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Actually, legally, you just have to tell her that you might be recording her. So just tell her, "Watch what you say, i might be recording this." That might piss her off enough so she starts hitting you right then and there. Boom, youre good. Or just Leave your iphone/mp3 recorder in your pocket and have a conversation with her. You just have to get clever. Buy a new cam corder start playing with it a lot. Tell her you're really into video now, you like to make movies, etc... She will probably hang herself with evidence, jsut make sure you get out of there before you sustain more than one serious blow. Even that could be dangerous.
There needs to be a skype/video chat service called "iWitness" where you can call them and leave your video cam on to be a legal "fly on the wall". So if the video is not admissible, you still have a live eye witness who saw the event happen live via skype/video cam who can testify on your behalf as to what happened in the video. Seems like a nice technical loop hole on the wiretapping law waiting to be exploited, but talk to a lawyer. I would talk to one now if you havent already, good luck friend.
[–]calzenn 4 points5 points6 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The black rectangular object could also be a recorder, be careful what you say mate...
[–]Il128[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Take your life back. Do not live like a coward.
[–]Il128[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That call to the police was a step in that direction and it backfired.
[–]a_true_bro 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have my sympathy.
[–]kloo2yoo 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
sorry, but sometimes that's the only way you'll learn.
you may think you can trust an individual woman, and maybe you can, but I hope you're right when you do because the state will fight for her, and against you, all the way to jail.
you could sue them for sexual discrimination. you should. you won't win though.
[–]Il128[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I'm having a hard time getting to sleep. I keep rolling it over and over in my mind. I actually saw the big picture this time. The call went 180 degrees. My wife kept the house and the kids and the deputy told her to divorce me... I'm in a fucking motel room.
I saw one of the sheriffs deputies take a black rectangular object out of his car and he didn't have it after he spoke to my wife. I wonder if he gave my wife, the person who is accused of violence, a tazer?
Dare I ask her if he did?
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Look, the fact of the matter is that if you tell the police that you would like to formally press charges against her, you have every right to do so. If they refuse, there might be liability on the part of the city for possible gender discrimination or failure to enforce the law. I'm not sure about the causes of action, contact a lawyer.
[–]Il128[🍰] 3 points4 points5 points 16 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The deputy flat out stated that he'd take my affidavit but that he'd not "support it due to a lack of physical evidence" so she wouldn't be spending the night in jail and he said it would be thrown out of court for lack of evidence.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Along with an affidavit you can file a demand that charges be pressed. Whether or not it survives in court is not up to the police, it's a prosecutorial decision. A district attorney or a judge will make that decision. The police officer's "supporting" of it is irrelevant. His report will state facts that he observed, not legal conclusions (e.g., "Mr. Johnson seemed very agitated and Mrs. Johnson said that she feared for her safety." Not "Mr. Johnson was probably not hit by his wife."). Did your wife admit to having hit you to the police? If she admitted it at the scene, she has committed a crime. Of course, the officer has discretion whether to arrest someone. They do not have discretion whether to file a demand that you have properly filled out. From what I understand, they are obligated to give you the demand when requested. I had to do this once when I was battered and it didn't leave a mark. The officers were skeptical, but I remained calm and stated the facts, followed by a request to press charges. Remaining calm is vital for credibility. Any contact with you that was intended to be harmful or objectively offensive is a crime. Your wife commissioned a crime. You have the right to pursue legal remedies.
Why am I so frightened to just do it and get this marriage over with?
Because it was a stupid fight and you love her. Nobody wants to be alone.
[–]kloo2yoo 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I saw one of the sheriffs deputies take a black rectangular object out of his car and he didn't have it after he spoke to my wife. I wonder if he gave my wife, the person who is accused of violence, a tazer? Dare I ask her if he did?
if he did and you can verify it, that's front page news.
I'm going to think on how to find out and how to prove it if he did.
It was a tazer. I went and spoke to her before work this morning. She says that he didn't give it to her but that he gave it to one of the other officers.
Somehow I doubt they were planning on tazering her.
[–]Kandoh -1 points0 points1 point 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Where were you going to punch her?
[+][deleted] 16 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Find somewhere that doesn't leave a mark. Or just kill her. Joking, of course.
[+]JLContessa -11 points-10 points-9 points 16 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Hard enough to piss you off, yeah? But NOT hard enough to hurt you. She may not be capable of hurting you without a weapon.
You, however, may be able to do so. I think therein lies the difference.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Battery is not defined by whether or not the victim felt pain. That's too subjective. Battery is defined by whether someone intentionally makes harmful or offensive contact with you. She committed a battery. He called the police. She should be charged with a crime if the victim demands it.
[–]JLContessa -1 points0 points1 point 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, but that leaves interpretation up to the "victim," and they're not always infallible.
[–]Il128[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No marks left as usual. So no she can't bruise me. It did however hurt and piss me off. The pissed of part I really am bothered by more than the pain.
[–]zdrggt 3 points4 points5 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hitting someone is a pretty clear sign of contempt, regardless of sex. It's reasonable to be bothered. It's good that you're not explaining it away and letting yourself in for worse.
[–]JLContessa -2 points-1 points0 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But you're going to stay with her. Right?
Look, if you feel she's abusive, there are ways to protect yourself. And if you're ashamed to go to the police, you're perpetuating the mentality that men should take it on the chin, which evidently the hipsters here find offensive.
So go to the cops, tell them your real story. Move out. File a restraining order. You have options.
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