I'm a feminist. AMA.

[deleted] · 2011-03-29T06:48:27+00:00

There's been a lot of anti-feminist negativity here lately, but not a lot of actual feminists sharing their perspectives. So have it: AMA. I won't be...

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Thank you for your candor. :)

If I might followup:

Should a woman face the same sentence for assault as a man would if they struck a member of the opposite gender?
Do you feel that males are treated unfairly with regards to many issues, and prematurely judged just by virtue of being a man?
With regards to gender inequality (I'm going to be blunt, but respectful - don't worry) I just have some technical scenarios that I was curious about your opinion on.
If Person 1 can output 100 units of work/day (whatever it might be), and Person 2 can only output 80, do you feel that they should be compensated/salaried the same? Who is more deserving of a promotion or raise when the time comes? If it happens to come to it, who would be let go first?
Relating to the same question - assuming that the genders are now disclosed - Person 1 is a male, and Person 2 is a female, do your answers change?
Are you offended by the fact that I made person 1 a male? (I wouldn't assume so - again taking the high road and believing you to be much more level headed than the type we are used to around these parts - but I do have to ask)
How does your husband feel about the no kids plan - I trust it was a mutual agreement?

Law School eh? Good luck! I got a 170 on my LSATs (took em on dare, I took the LSATs, my roommate took the MCATS), but pursued engineering instead.

Edit - formatting

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that's a really great level-headed summary of the problems with feminism (even by it's own definition). I really would like to see what she has to say.

I do like to think that there are "various forms" of feminism with which various women identify. However, I also believe that the term has been so co-opted by the by the radical and loud side of the movement that women who are concerned with REAL women's rights (i.e. female genital mutilation in some countries, as opposed to "how I decide I feel" when I walk down the street) should pic a different name. And maybe get together with men under a basic banner of human rights (i.e. we won't take shit to either sex... women being isolated and abused to young american men being killed because of underfunding and a stupidly hatched war).

I went around yesterday asking different women I knew whether or not they were feminist (Women taking arts, professional women, stay at home moms) and they all answered "depends on what you mean"

Women themselves are even starting to wise up to the silly arguments and the BS that goes on.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

that's a really great level-headed summary of the problems with feminism (even by it's own definition). I really would like to see what she has to say.

I do like to think that there are "various forms" of feminism with which various women identify. However, I also believe that the term has been so co-opted by the by the radical and loud side of the movement that women who are concerned with REAL women's rights (i.e. female genital mutilation in some countries, as opposed to "how I decide I feel" when I walk down the street) should pic a different name. And maybe get together with men under a basic banner of human rights (i.e. we won't take shit to either sex... women being isolated and abused to young american men being killed because of underfunding and a stupidly hatched war).

I went around yesterday asking different women I knew whether or not they were feminist (Women taking arts, professional women, stay at home moms) and they all answered "depends on what you mean"

Women themselves are even starting to wise up to the silly arguments and the BS that goes on.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

that's a really great level-headed summary of the problems with feminism (even by it's own definition). I really would like to see what she has to say.

I do like to think that there are "various forms" of feminism with which various women identify. However, I also believe that the term has been so co-opted by the by the radical and loud side of the movement that women who are concerned with REAL women's rights (i.e. female genital mutilation in some countries, as opposed to "how I decide I feel" when I walk down the street) should pic a different name. And maybe get together with men under a basic banner of human rights (i.e. we won't take shit to either sex... women being isolated and abused to young american men being killed because of underfunding and a stupidly hatched war).

I went around yesterday asking different women I knew whether or not they were feminist (Women taking arts, professional women, stay at home moms) and they all answered "depends on what you mean"

Women themselves are even starting to wise up to the silly arguments and the BS that goes on.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

that's a really great level-headed summary of the problems with feminism (even by it's own definition). I really would like to see what she has to say.

I do like to think that there are "various forms" of feminism with which various women identify. However, I also believe that the term has been so co-opted by the by the radical and loud side of the movement that women who are concerned with REAL women's rights (i.e. female genital mutilation in some countries, as opposed to "how I decide I feel" when I walk down the street) should pic a different name. And maybe get together with men under a basic banner of human rights (i.e. we won't take shit to either sex... women being isolated and abused to young american men being killed because of underfunding and a stupidly hatched war).

I went around yesterday asking different women I knew whether or not they were feminist (Women taking arts, professional women, stay at home moms) and they all answered "depends on what you mean"

Women themselves are even starting to wise up to the silly arguments and the BS that goes on.

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from wikipedia (assuming the definition to be fairly accurate): "Patriarchy is a social system in which the role of the male as the primary authority figure is central to social organization, and where fathers hold authority over women, children, and property. It implies the institutions of male rule and privilege, and is dependent on female subordination."

male rule a privilege. The rule of a few men does not imply the rule of all men. "the" male should be "a few" males. I'm not bloody well advantaged! If anything, as a decent engineer, women in the field have an advantage over me (companies will hire worse female engineers just to meet a quota).

I have no privilege. I give up certain options in my life and work hard. I give up time with friends and family to work hard. And then maybe I get to a position as a man where I can live with a decently comfortable lifestyle. If I don't get done over by another woman.

And do these a-holes who have the top jobs really have power? Have you ever seen the documentary "The Corporation"? They interview these guys, and then everyone basically figures out that these guys fulfill a role in which the actually have very little power. They do what they have to, like everyone else. We are all contained by the system, and men don't really get much advantage.

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And it scares me that a obviously very intelligent woman like the one we have here buys into this. ANd that when you point out the flaw in the reasoning they have nothing to say or they accuse you (anonymousfeminist hasn't) of "being part of the problem" without addressing what you've said. Some will even get going on how "logical reasoning" prioritizes men. Like that deals with reality.

I'm sorry, but there is a difference between "feeling like" a victim, and being a victim. Feminism as it stands is bad because it allows people who feel like victims to demand things. Moreover, it diminishes the reality of women who ARE actually discriminated against. The first wave of feminism accomplished something (if a woman wants to be an engineer she should be). The later waves are, I'm sorry, just whining.

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Much of that list of privilege you gave me (which I suspect connects to this relative power) is nebulous and relates to feelings and such. On many of those points, I could flip them around and say that (in today's society) I feel oppressed by women as a male. For example: You make 80 cents on the dollar for the same work, but I am expected to spend longer hours at work (lots to back this up) in order to be a good provider, and I don't have the advantage of staying home and relating to my children. Therefore, women have privilege over me.
If your look at my girlfriend's response to that list you linked to, you find much of the same thing. The way this "relative power" (which is has an ambiguous mechanism but is still strictly delineated by sex) is defined is either outdated, ambiguous or silly (i.e. based on how some people may feel which they extend to other women).

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No, we're still defining terms. If you can show me that my definition of privilege is itself logically flawed, I'm willing to listen.

Wow, where to begin.

First of all, you've already arrived at the assumption that our society is patriarchal. Which is false.

Then, you say "Male privilege refers to advantages men have by virtue of being men in a patriarchal society".

Therefore, NO MATTER WHAT ADVANTAGE WOMEN HAVE OR GET, they never have privilege since they are not men.

If you can't see why that's a fallacy, we're done.

"If all men were choosing to act as women's slaves," I'd call that matriarchy

Fallacy.

The reason they are choosing to act as women's slaves is because of the same "patriarchal reasoning" (your position, not mine) that women have privilege now. You cannot call it matriarchy yet turn around and call the other patriarchy when they arise from an identical motive.

Just because most of the problems men face stem from patriarchy, doesn't mean they aren't important problems, or that men somehow deserve them.

Wrong again.

Since women have no privilege, it does not need to be taken away from them. It's fine for women to be treated better by the legal system. It's fine for men to have their kids taken away from him even though he has done nothing wrong.

That's the principle, and feminists put it in practice. Feminist groups fight against shared parenting, fight against better rights for men in the legal system, etc.

[–]girlwriteswhat 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Not only can women never have privilege, any right or advantage granted them by the patriarchy is actually considered a form of oppression. Women having the right to vote is therefore a form of oppression. Hiring quotas for women as proposed by feminist organizations aren't oppression--unless those quotas are put into law by the patriarchy. Then they are. Then they become men dictating to women what kinds of jobs they should have, and how to prioritize their lives. They're certainly not a privilege, even if they mean a woman will be hired over a more qualified male applicant.

Patriarchy will not cease to exist until women are equally represented in the top positions of business, commerce and politics. But how will they achieve this? Through legislation proposed by feminists but enacted by the patriarchy. So you guessed it, all those female CEOs, senators and future presidents won't be privileged, or even equal. They'll actually be victims of patriarchal oppression! Bigger victims than ever.

Sounds stupid, doesn't it? But it's where this feminist "logic" is headed.

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It's not an assumption, it's a description of the available evidence.

Ha. Ha. Ha. And your evidence is...let me guess, most politicians etc. are men? Nice apex fallacy.

Calling men "women's slaves" is hyperbole.

Did I say men were women's slaves? No. I said, suppose (HYPOTHETICALLY) men chose to act as women's slaves and obeyed every order, for the reason that women could not function independently. Clearly this is patriarchal reasoning, no one can deny that.

Under that logic, men would still be privileged and women would have no privilege, since it's "benevolent sexism".

Now, ANSWER THE QUESTION:

In such a scenario, are women privileged or not?

It's called "benevolent sexism" and it should be done away with.

Great! When will feminists start fighting for women to be given equal prison sentences to men? Equal treatment in divorce and family court to men?

When will feminists start fighting for women to become equally represented in garbage collection, mining, and other unpleasant, dangerous, but necessary jobs?

When will feminists start fighting for proven false rape accusers to be punished harshly, rather than fighting for them to never be punished?

Proposed shared parenting reforms would elevate parent's rights above the best interest of the child. It's bad policy.

Wrong. First of all, "best interest of the child" is a vague concept that has never been agreed upon. In practice, it means what's best for the mother and worst for the father. Shared parenting is in the child's best interests, studies have shown that kids from single-mother households do much worse than those who have strong relationships with both parents (even if divorced).

Proposals for "better rights for men in the legal system" are actually attempts to give rape defendants greater rights than other criminal defendants. Feminists have legitimate reasons for opposing these reforms that have nothing to do with seeking privilege.

First of all, women are treated better than men (lesser sentences, more likely to be released on bail, etc.) for all crimes. So when I say "better rights for men in the legal system" that has nothing to do with rape.

Second, rape accusers are granted anonymity, in many cases they are still anonymous even after they have been proven to be lying. That gives rape accusers greater rights than other complainants. Since, rape is a special crime, if it wasn't there would be no justification for anonymity, rape shield laws (which have been greatly abused in some cases), etc.

Rape defendants have their names publicized as soon as they are arrested. That seems fair to you? In England they proposed a bill giving anonymity until conviction, feminists fought against it. They weakened it giving defendants anonymity UNTIL CHARGED (not convicted, just charged) with rape.

FEMINISTS FOUGHT AGAINST IT.

Feminists have legitimate reasons for opposing these reforms that have nothing to do with seeking privilege.

Fucking liar.

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In the context of feminist discourse, I am giving the commonly accepted definition of privilege.

No, you're not:

Before discussing “male privilege” it is first important to define what privilege means in an anti-oppression setting. Privilege, at its core, is the advantages that people benefit from based solely on their social status. It is a status that is conferred by society to certain groups, not seized by individuals, which is why it can be difficult sometimes to see one’s own privilege.

In a nutshell:

Privilege is: About how society accommodates you. It’s about advantages you have that you think are normal. It’s about you being normal, and others being the deviation from normal. It’s about fate dealing from the bottom of the deck on your behalf.

https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/faq-what-is-male-privilege/

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This is why feminism is such evil bullshit.

When men have an advantage it's because men are sexist. When women have an advantage it's also because men are sexist.

You are basically placing the whole responsibility for any and all possible injustice on the collective shoulders of men and denying any responsibility for it could be caused by women and feminism.

The fact is that male teachers have been driven out of schools for fear of being called paedophiles, that boys in schools are drugged by female teachers who want them to act like girls, that young men are shamed as potential rapists when they have committed no crime, that men are laughed at and denied any help when their female partners commit domestic violence, that women can accuse of man of rape with no evidence and destroy their lives with no fear of punishment, that fathers are routinely denied access to their children and forced to live in poverty by impossible to meet child support payments. These are not the fault of a mythical 'patriarchy' and all of these are caused by or made worse by feminism.

It is impossible for feminists and men's right's activists to come to any middle ground as long as feminists continue to promote the lie of the mythical patriarchy and deny any responsibility for inequality.

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edit: Adding responses (and questions) as I can after each question.

I want to respond to this point by point, but I thought, until then, I'd post it here so everyone can take a look:

The Male Privilege Checklist

My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

Not the case in engineering. It is much easier to get a job as a female engineer right now. Even if you aren't a very good one. Because companies want to seem like they are about equality. So yeah, in this day and age, this point seems to be moot.

I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex – even though that might be true. (More).

It happens all the time. Product of feminism. I'm sorry, but I've seen it. However, there are capable women (including my boss in research) who just get things done and don't whine.

If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

Maybe if women aren't promoted, it's because they took a bunch of time off to have a kid or don't stay late because they want to spend time with their kids or maintain a "work-life" balance. To be honest, I want a work life balance. And I don't expect to be promoted as much as the guy who is willing to give up more.

If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

Who is doing that outside of your head (and a few douchebags)?

I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are. (More).

Your odds of facing sexual harassment are very low. Also, sexual harassment, I believe, is often not the boss who "makes you do things" to keep your job, but attention from an unwanted male. I think that women should learn to be strong enough to be clear with men and not to run to HR.

If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

Huh? When does that happen?

If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low. (More).

Your odds of being raped are very low

On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

You might be raped. I might get beat up. Assault can happen, yes. It's bad and should be punished when and if it does

If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

I remember research that shows that you do better as a man if you have a family.

If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

Women tend to nurture more. Not all roles are "socialized". But that's not to say that people shouldn't have options

If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

Huh? If you mean that you'll have a different role, then sure.

If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

Who is calling you selfish?

If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

Yes it will.

My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

Because they work harder and give up more. Not a privilege.

When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

See last point.

As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters. (More).

How? Maybe boys just tend to be different from girls. Not in all cases, exceptions, but tend to

As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

*That seems to have changed if you watch cartoons today. Which I do LOL

As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often. (More).

Is there a current study on this? Maybe it's because boys are more annoying, active and troublesome to teachers?

If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

Yeah, I guess you could interpret your life is this way. Why feminism is silly and scary now.

I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

No women of TV?

If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

By who?

If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

See last point

I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

When does this happen now outside of your head?

Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.” (More).

Maybe the only point where I might agree about double standards. But it is changing.

I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability. (More).

Don't dress in a certain way if you don't want looks and attention. Most women get this. Male sexuality works in a certain way.

My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring. (More).

Huh? Lots of women I know don't dress up. Lots do for male sexual attention

The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time. (More).

Your choice

If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. (More).

Your insurance will be lower

If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

Depends on how hard you ACTUALLY WORK

I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

Some women can be bitches. Just like some guys can be dicks. DEPENDS

I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

LOL

I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

Maybe...

My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

Ok this one is just true. I've lived in a house with 5 women. It's true by god!

I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

I have a dual last name. Not a big issue now

The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

Just economics

Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

Religion is stupid. fair enough.

Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

See above point. Don't subscribe to that religion

[–]girlwriteswhat 6 points7 points8 points 15 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

Just gonna give my perspective as a woman. Note: I'm in a relationship with Wabi-sabi, and I agree with him on most of these issues.

My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

In many cases now, this point is specious. For artificial reasons, but still. My sister, a doctor, was repeatedly offered promotion over male doctors who were "more qualified" (her words). She turned down the promotions because they would mean too much time away from home. The promotions were then offered to another female doctor, rather than the more qualified males. This is the way it goes more often than not these days. She knew she was offered those promotions because of her gender.

So one could counter this argument with current levels of female privilege. "My odds of being hired for a job when competing against male applicants, are probably skewed in my favor."

I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex – even though that might be true.

Why should you be allowed to feel confident about that if there's a significant chance you did get your job because of your sex. Likewise, women share the same "privilege" in female-dominated professions--they can be confident that no one would assume they got that job because of their sex, right? Likewise, a man who gets a job as a nurse might be assumed to have gotten the job at least in part because of his gender, since there are so few male nurses.

If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

I think many men have to ask themselves exactly that these days, if a woman is promoted over them. See my commentary on item 1.

If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

Depends on what your career is. If you're a man working in a female-dominated field, you might just. Men are bashed for being insensitive, stubborn, uncooperative, selfish, aggressive, unfeeling, unnurturing, etc.

I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are.

Certainly. But I've dealt with some serious sexual harassment before, but it's been my experience that the kinds of guys who pull that shit are usually abusive in some way to everyone, regardless of gender.

Then you have to take a look at what actually constitutes sexual harassment. Like the definition of rape (did you feel violated?), so much of it is subjective, and based on the feelings of the victim and the level of attractiveness of the perpetrator.

There's a great deal of sexual banter that goes on in my workplace, the women dish it out as much as they take it (including our GM, a woman), and none of the female employees there would say they "felt uncomfortable" if a male coworker or boss told them, "You look great in that dress--it really emphasizes your figure."

But an unattractive male, a particularly sensitive woman, and a little unwanted attention often translates into feelings of discomfort that are unfortunate, sure, but not (in my opinion) harassment.

If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

That hasn't been my experience. I suppose other's experiences may vary. Frequently, I've found that if a woman does even a competent job at something male-dominated, she's lauded much more than a man who did an equally capable job. So I guess it could go both ways, no?

If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low.

According to the ever-broadening legal definition of rape, and the definition some feminists have tried to apply ("all penetrative sex is a form of rape", or "physical examinations during labor can be considered violative when not done in a sensitive enough manner"), hell, I was raped by eleven female nurses, three male doctors, and every man I've ever had sex with.

That said, yes, the odds of violent stranger rape are less for men. But not "less enough" to justify society's blanket encouragement of women to walk around in a default state of terror after dark, or the fact that boys and men are expected to walk without fear at any time of the day or night.

On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

Who's teaching women to walk around in fear? These days, most of the rape/women are victims/all men are perpetrators rhetoric I come across is out of the mouths of feminists.

If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

You're kidding, right? Men who won't commit are called boys by women nowadays, or players, or Peter Pans, or even closeted gays. Men who don't want the whole shebang of marriage and kids are derided for not being "real men". A 40 year old man who's childless and has never been married is looked at with suspicion by a lot of women--there must be something wrong with him. I know this, because it's the FIRST thing I consider when deciding whether to contact one on a dating site.

If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

If a man has children and does provide primary care for them--especially if he stays home while the wife works--EVERYONE initially wonders what's wrong with him that he obviously can't hold down a "real job".

If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent.

And if I install a laminate floor or build a fence around my yard, and I can handle my skilsaw or pour concrete with any degree of competence (which I can), I get extra special cookies too! Because I can do "guy things" well. See how that works!

If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

Joking again, right? Both men and women look askance at stay-at-home moms now, because (arguably due to second wave feminism), unpaid, domestic labor has been deemed of no value. A woman who stays at home is considered lazy or unambitious--often by other women. A woman who works in a day care center is seen as doing "real work", while a woman who looks after her own kids all day is scorned as being unproductive, or doing nothing worthwhile, or wasting her potential.

If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

Case in point: In 2006, Stephen Harper made the front page of major Canadian newspapers, was sound-bited to death, and lampooned in numerous political cartoons, when he walked his son to school and said goodbye with a handshake. How cold! How distant! How unfeeling! What a horrible father. I do, however, personally know he ties his kids' skates before their hockey games, and I also wonder just how eager a preteen boy would be for his father to hug him while reporters and cameramen (camerapeople, sorry) looked on.

My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

This may be the case, but I don't consider it privilege. Just because my political representative is a man doesn't mean he'll share my partner's views. If my rep is female doesn't mean she'll share mine (in fact, I'm pretty sure she won't).

When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

How does that translate into privilege for the average man?

As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.

Not any more. Boys nowadays are told to sit still, don't be competitive, stop focusing on winning, it doesn't matter who's faster, be quiet, stop disrupting things, cooperate dammit, and stop pestering your neighbor. My stepson was told these things, constantly, all his life, because he was a spirited boy. My daughter, who was arguably more rambunctious than him as a small child, encountered much less discouragement when she was explorative, energetic, took physical risks (you have no idea), and did messy "boy things" like digging up worms or playing with mud.

As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

That has changed, but not as much as I'd like. Or rather, it's hard to find remotely relatable, dynamic female protagonists--those who aren't Mary Sues and who get shit done. However, most male protagonists are, and always have been, stereotypical (or archetypical) in some way or another.

As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.

That wasn't my experience in school, and I'm old enough that I'm not going to tell any of you what decade that was. Actually, I got a LOT of teacher attention (both good and bad), especially in high school. More than the boys, certainly. But then, the boys rarely raised their hands.

If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

You're joking, right? My boyfriend has just gone through the worst 8 months of his life, and all of it had sexist overtones. Ask any man who's lost custody of or access to his kids whether the legal system that enabled it had any kind of sexist overtones. And I'm guessing they'd consider something like that sufficient cause for a bad day, or week, or year.

Cont. below...

[–]girlwriteswhat 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

Totally have NEVER seen a woman on the front page of a newspaper, or on the TV. :rolls eyes:

If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

Depends on the kind of carelessness. I work with one woman who recently spent $800 on hair extensions. I attribute her ridiculous hair expense to her sex. I work with a guy who insisted I ought to get a top of the line, $2000 laptop instead of the cheaper netbook I need, because it's freaking COOL, man! I attribute his stupid gadget lust to his sex. Women waste money on all kinds of stuff. Men waste money on different kinds of stuff.

If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

Men pay more in auto insurance premiums than women do, on the whole because they're more likely to speed, take risks and drive without due care and attention, resulting in fewer, but more severe, crashes, and higher accident claims than women. Is charging them more for insurance (on the assumption that all men speed and take risks) any more discriminatory than assuming a woman's more likely to have bumped your fender parallel parking because their spatial relations abilities are in general, not as good as men's?

I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

I don't even know what the hell that means. On trial in what way?

Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”

The double standard runs both ways. Men with little or no sexual experience are giggled at by women and ridiculed by men. And it is changing for women. Moreover, women who have sex with multiple partners because they like sex are rarely viewed in the same light as women who have sex with multiple partners because they need self-validation, or have low self-esteem, or are gluttons for male attention--and yes, you can tell the difference.

I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.

It's been my experience that women who dress in ways that "advertise" sexual availability are looking for male attention. Maybe not advances, but attention. But from males they find attractive. When males they don't find attractive give them attention, it makes them "uncomfortable". The onus should not be on men to look away when women who are dressed provocatively come under their gaze.

My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.

I'll grant you, it's damn hard to find ladies' pants with a 34" inseam, or a tailored jacket that will fit a 38" bust and a 24" waist. My crosses to bear. But I do know of the travails of one male friend to find a 19 1/2 dress shirt that would fit a man of less than 300 lbs. And frankly, the bf and I recently attended his grad ceremony--his outfit cost $700+ (at the cheap suit store), and mine cost $200--including an extra pair of shoes. Not the most expensive skirt and top, sure, but his wasn't the most expensive suit, either.

The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.

Define "expected". Expected by whom? The media (who want to sell women tons of products)? Men (who continuously tell me they're looking for non-Barbie-Doll types)? Or other women? I spend less time on my appearance every day than most men who shave their faces, and it hasn't affected my success in either dating or in the working world.

And look at the challenges men face--they're supposed to look good, but look good while giving the impression that they don't care about or spend any time on their appearance.

If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car.

Who takes the first offered price at a car lot? Sheesh.

If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

Which disadvantages? It's harder for an unattractive woman to get a job than it is for an unattractive man. But it sure is easier for her to get laid. In addition, women have more options in regard to making themselves more attractive--they can wear clothes that flatter their figures best, wear make-up and style their hair in a variety of ways to highlight their best features and minimize their worst. Men don't tend to get away with wearing make-up, or get much leeway in the hairstyle department, and if they look like a bloated pear in a suit, well, not much they can do about it.

I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

I can be loud with no fear of being called emotionally abusive. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a rapist or a thug.

I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

If domestic violence isn't considered a crime, it's because female victims so frequently refuse to treat it as such by pressing charges and testifying, and as I've said elsewhere, the definition of rape is getting so broad that it's hard to take it as anything but an special interest issue.

And what about the man who is repeatedly assaulted by his female partner? A male friend of mine once showed me scars on his forearms from defensive wounds he got when his then-wife attacked him. Yet he was the one on his face in the dirt with a cop's knee in his back, while his ex was still in the house, screaming and throwing pots and pans, with her children cowering in a closet. How seriously was that assault taken, you might ask? He was ordered to leave the premises for the night, and if he refused to go he would be charged.

I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

True enough. Not sure why that's a reason to get one's back up, though. Did you know that the German article for "girl" is das? Girls are "it"s in Germany. How messed up is that? Maybe we should replace all "he"s and "she"s with "it"s in English, and that will clear everything up.

My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

How many women will actually blame a shitty mood, tiredness or poor productivity on that time of the month? Lots, in my experience. So it's no surprise to hear men assuming the exact same thing. And guess what? In a lot of cases, it's true. I know when I'm PMS I get weepy and tired, when I'm ovulating I'm energetic but hostile and aggressive, and when I'm pregnant, who the hell knows? Just run. That's reality, not discrimination.

I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

People are always questioned when they don't follow those kinds of traditions. Shit, every year since my oldest was in kindergarten, we've gotten a letter from his schools asking what his middle name is. Six letters in six years from one school alone, who couldn't imagine the existence of a kid with no middle name! OMG!

It's expected because most women do it, even now. It's questioned on the same basis. I don't think many people look down on it anymore, though.

The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

It is economics. If women didn't tend to make certain choices, it wouldn't be an issue. If companies weren't required by law to find temporary replacements and keep jobs open for women on mat-leave, it wouldn't be as much of an issue. However, I've found that the fact that I have kids can help during job interviews--all I have to do is stress that my first priority is being able to feed my kids, and to do that, I have to be a reliable and valuable employee.

Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

I may be lambasted for this, but in my opinion, religion is akin to a mental illness. So what if all the major, global organizations of lunatics are led by men? Fine by me.

Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

Most religions also discourage or forbid sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, no fault divorce, abortion, sex just for fun even within marriage, and claim people will burn in hell for the crime of unbelief, even if it's because they were born and lived their whole lives in a place where they never encountered said religion, its god, or his representatives. Who the hell listens to any of that crap these days? And should I, as a woman with a functioning cerebral cortex, have hurt feelings because said religion doesn't like me as much as it likes men? Or should I just thank...whoever that I'm not living in Afghanistan?

[–]Quazz 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Quazz 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks. (More).

Not what I see in my friends or family. Are we talking about the religious people?

If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.

On the whole, women tend to like taking care of babies.

If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

Maybe, so? Doesn't give me privilege. Just means I'll have to work hard and be considered responsible

Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

Guy sexuality works different than girl sexuality. 90% of consumer purchasing is aimed at women.

In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. (More). If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do. (More).

I'm under TONS of pressure to be successful. I'd rather just be thin.

If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover. (More).

LOL. I just won't talk about it.

Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.” (More: 1 2).

*I've had that LOL. :P *

Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment. (More.)

Where do you walk? How often does this happen to YOU?

On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

Not in the relationships I've had. LOL

I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

Oh seriously, piss off. It sounds like a religious argument

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In todays society feminisim and fundamentalist islam are seeing a backlash as both groups are silent with the exception of the radical aspects , the hatred that is poured is so commonplace now that its seen to be the norm and the fact that muslims are feeling a backlash is the same reason the more sane feminists are , its because the moderates are happy to expect us to differentiate without actually giving us reason to differentatiate.

In Scotland post terrorist attack on glasgows airport the local muslim community held a "not in our name march" this was to do just what it said on the tin, to show everyone that the headcases were not the norm . Until we see more feminists speaking about against those claiming to be feminists and causing harm then i cant take them seriously , through their inaction they tar themselves with the same brush , and for that im sorry .

Title	I'm a feminist. AMA.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	100
Date	March 29, 2011 6:48 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/gdrbb/im_a_feminist_ama/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-a-feminist-ama.1041651 https://theredarchive.com/post/1041651

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