"Pleaser Women" Always Lose Out - The Difference Between Pleasing and Giving

Camille11325 · 2017-01-25T18:31:24+00:00

While not perfect, this blog post makes a lot of great points about what is truly motivating women when they do things for others. Many of us are compelled to be generous, kind, forgiving, accommodating, flexible, cooperative, etc. These natural instincts are great but the way we act on them is important. Doing something helpful so that another person doesn't stop liking you is something done by a woman with nothing else to offer. If you have value to others (whether it is your looks, personality, skills, insight, or a combination) you should be more confident and not stoop to people pleasing.

Bending over backwards and/or being a doormat for your man is not the same thing as yielding to his leadership or being his soft place to land. One example that she gives of pleasing really illustrates this point. If you have plans with a friend and your man asks if you want to do X tonight, you can say "well Susan and I were going to do Y, can we do X later?" if you truly want to do Y. If he is asking what you want to do, be honest, don't just say what you think he wants to hear because you're afraid he'll leave you.

Now there were also some parts that I didn't like. She defines "giving" at the beginning but then her examples include instances of a woman simply not pleasing. Giving isn't the same as not pleasing, it's its own thing. It is acting from a place of (feminine) power and bringing joy to others by sharing your value. Is it better to have no sex than have bad sex? Yes; but it's even better to have great sex, and that would be the example of giving. Is it better to opt out of things than run yourself down? Absolutely; but "giving" would be participating and being awesome at whatever the activity is.

You don't have to give 24/7 or indiscriminately but at least to me giving is always the addition of a positive element into any situation. Let me know what you thought!

Camille11325 · 2017-01-25T18:31:17+00:00

Interesting article, thanks for sharing. There are a few things I disagree with.

2) Giving could be telling your man that you need time to yourself, to re-charge so that you can come back to the relationship with more to give, instead of seeing him every time he says he misses you. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

I don't really understand the idea of telling your man that you "need time to yourself"...or even really ever phrasing it that way at all. Even if someone does desire a bit of alone time - there's really no reason to tell your man (and in the process make him feel like his being around is suddenly a problem. Just say that you're going to see a movie, a walk in the park, doing some shopping, getting a massage. LOTS of people manage to 'take a breather' without making everyone around them feel like this huge inconvenience. I'd also like to clarify that I say this as an introvert, and someone that really loves having downtime. I never want the people I care about to think they are somehow burdensome for wanting to see me and spend time with me. I'm also a big fan of establishing personal boundaries (so you don't end up in situations where you are perpetually giving more than you can afford to emotionally.

3) Giving could be not having sex with your man at all this time, rather than laying there like a dead horse while he does his thing, like he’s having sex with a blow-up doll or a rigid post.

This is definitely not 'ok' in my book. Sex is absolutely about mood, and mentality. Very few people 'want' to work out prior to getting into the gym. Once they are warmed up though - most start to hit their stride. Same with cleaning. I rarely 'want' to do my chores until after I've already started them. Then it becomes fun and pleasing. I am very sexually reactive - and if I were to go into a cuddle/intimate session with the mindset of "I don't want to do this" then I'd be sabotaging my ability to enjoy myself!

Overall, I think there are some valuable ideas in the article, particularly when it comes to motivation. Happy, secure, balanced people can give (be considerate, sacrifice, and help) without needing the acknowledgement 'pay off.' Pleasing people via actions, compliments, gifts, effort for the main purpose of being recognized creates an air of desperation, low value, and shallowness that entirely erases any trace of selflessness and generosity.

I won't pretend that giving does not fill me with a sense of joy - especially when I see that my efforts have directly improved someone's day. That said, there's also a great deal of satisfaction in a job well done. I do enjoy pleasing the people I care about, and giving them everything I have to share - and I really think that my efforts would be far less well received if the people in my life felt that I was driven by 'affection' and 'popularity' coins.

Title	"Pleaser Women" Always Lose Out - The Difference Between Pleasing and Giving
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	5
Comments	5
Date	January 25, 2017 6:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5q4rhq/pleaser_women_always_lose_out_the_difference/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/pleaser-women-always-lose-out-the-difference.209188 https://theredarchive.com/post/209188

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