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When feeling embarrassed by his behavior...

Meridianpurple2
September 15, 2014
1 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen
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Post Information
Title When feeling embarrassed by his behavior...
Author

Meridianpurple2
Upvotes 1
Comments 38
Date September 15, 2014 12:27 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2ggbxw/when_feeling_embarrassed_by_his_behavior/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-feeling-embarrassed-by-his-behavior.165760
https://theredarchive.com/post/165760

Comments

[–]little_red_1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Embarrassment is a stepping stone to resentment. You can choose to see his reactions as being protective of you (in his own way) or leave him before things get any more serious.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Embarrassment is a stepping stone to resentment.

I think that's what scares me the most...

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

If you're getting embarrassed it's your problem. This has nothing to do with him.

If you're saying what he's doing is clearly repugnant then you chose the wrong man. If not then stop being embarrassed by him and putting what other people think of you over how your so behaves.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

It's not repugnant, it just... Makes me want to take over because I don't think he's handling it well, but I know I'm not supposed to do that, and then i get more frustrated/upset than otherwise.

Maybe I should just be asking if there's a rpw way to calm him/de-escalate

[–]HappyWifeLife 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

the RPW way is to work on yourself and leave him alone. You need to read more on our sidebar.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

You don't trust him. You probably don't trust anyone which would explain you feeling the need to control everything.
Your questions should be directed solely on yourself "why don't I trust him"

"why do I want to control everything "

"Why am I framing everything as if this is my bf problem an not mine"

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

... You're probabaly right.

So what's my next step from there? Just mull on those questions? I don't think the trust issues are just going to vanish so what do I do next?

[–]Lady_Motido 2 points2 points2 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I don't think the trust issues are just going to vanish

Are you looking for us to tell you to leave him? Nothing just vanishes, you have to work for the things you want in this life. Do you want this guy in your life forever, the good along with the bad? Only you can decide this.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

More like looking for advice on coping with trust issues while still pulling off captain/xo. I guess I was assuming at least some people here worked through this...

I really do not want to be told to leave him... Hence why I'm here.

[–]HappyWifeLife 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

no one told you to leave him rather we've all told you to pull your head out of your ass. your behavior is disgusting.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]HappyWifeLife 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

your post is removed and you are out of here. you took nothing these ladies advised to heart - you just kept spinning your hamster wheel.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

More like looking for advice on coping with trust issues while still pulling off captain/xo

but you didnt though did you? You came here asking how to not react the way you do when your so is embarassing.

[–]Lady_Motido1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I would say then that you need to rethink your post. The first thing that happened here is that you showed that you are not a good first officer by 'bashing' your captain. Of course a lot of us have been embarrassed by our SOs but we don't air it out for all to see. There's a fine line to all of this and you crossed it. Embarrassment is your problem not his.

I have a feeling you haven't read the information in the sidebar because you would have seen When Asking for Advice: Answer These Questions.

A lot of ladies here struggle with trust issues but they don't focus on what their SO is doing wrong, they focus on their own behavior. You really need to lurk a little more and read all the information made available in the sidebar. Being a RPW means you are willing to invest a lot of hard work on self improvement at all times. Read Cultivating A Feminine Frame of Mind and then read it again. You're getting a dose of reality, I believe what you do with it will determine whether you are told to leave or not.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Well for a start you can stop inadvertently blaming him for your issues.

I say therapy but I would say that I'm a therapist lol other than that try being more congruent re yourself

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I phrased my initial question badly, I didn't consciously intend it to be blaming him.

[–]HappyWifeLife 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

yes you did. you are embarrassed by how he handles things and you said so very clearly. stop playing games.

[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You didn't need to explicitly say " I blame him" but you you say he is an embarrassment you are implying he is doing something wrong.

My husband has behaved in a way I cant say I was thrilled with on occasion it happens but I would feel like a traitor if I judged him the way you judge your boyfriend. I just think he has his reasons and I'll get behind them.

[–]Lady_Motido3 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Your whole post is inappropriate for this sub, you're being very disrespectful of your SO and not taking responsibility for your role in this. You are choosing to be with this man so the only thing you can do is to find a man that doesn't embarrass you or get over it. Right now you are an embarrassment to him, whining about his particular ways of doing things. He's well in his right to act in whatever manner he sees fit, you cannot mommy him or get your panties in a bunch when he expresses himself.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]HappyWifeLife 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

This might not be the most red pill strategy in the world?

Then keep it to yourself. This is bad advice and out of place in our sub.

[–]HappyWifeLife -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

I have never once felt embarrassed by my husband.

You can't change anyone but yourself anyways. If you want to stop being a bitchy judgmental asshole by all means please do so. Shut your mouth is a good place to start. You're not his mother.

[–]LadyLumen2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I do sometimes, but he's the man I chose and I love him, so I live with it. Sometimes I'm pretty embarrassing too, so I guess it all balances out.

[–]Lady_Motido1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

God I love this answer, so honest and straightforward! I feel the same way. I think that our embarrassment is to do with our own fears and insecurities which really have nothing to do with what our SOs are doing.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Well, is that because your husband has never once exhibited behavior someone else could find embarrassing, or because you chose not to be embarrassed?

[–]homo_homini_lupus 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Anyone you are in any kind of relationship with is going to embarrass you at some point over time.

Ask yourself this, how would you feel if you found out he posted something like this about YOU?

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right, I'm sure I have plenty of behavior that would qualify for such a post... So, just put myself in his shoes and empathize that everyone has something embarrassing?

[–]HappyWifeLife 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Because both. I don't care what other people think.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I didn't actually think of it as me caring what other people thought, but maybe that's what was going on.

(at the time my thoughts were more "why is he doing that, it's not accomplishing anything" but you're right, I probably would have cared much less in private)

[–]HappyWifeLife 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I'm just weird but I would always defend my husband over what other people thought - even if he was wrong, I'd still have his back. This is about loyalty.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay. Trying to simulate this in my head so I get it right next time.

Someone does something obnoxious. My bf gets worked up. I stand close to him to show support, and stay quiet? Nod?

But afterwards, in private, can I discuss it with him or should I just let it go?

[–]HappyWifeLife 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What part of leave him alone you can't change him do you not understand.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points0 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Regardless of whether there is an underlying issue, the question I think so whether the bahavuor will change, should I want it to and try to help it along, or should I not be thinking along those lines at all and focus on accepting him as is?

Basically I want to understand what my locus of responsibility is here, like maybe there is something that could change but should I be allowing myself to think along those lines to begin with? I suspect not, but at the same time, what if it really is something that could change? Or am I just justifying shrewishness to myself.

[–]HappyWifeLife 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

you can't change him.

[–]homo_homini_lupus 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Or am I just justifying shrewishness to myself.

yes

[–]Lady_Motido 1 points1 points1 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

what if it really is something that could change?

like what exactly? You're hamster is on overdrive atm, You can't change him...period. No other thinking allowed after this, there's nothing else to discuss.

[–]Meridianpurple2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Okay.

Thanks =)

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