How can I stop criticizing?

Kara__El · 2018-12-06T02:32:46+00:00

Make a list of all the things he can do that you can't.

My husband can't write a cover letter or a resume that would get him an interview at McDonald's, whereas I edited my manager's cover letter just this morning. My husband, however, can shoot a suffering paralyzed dog on the side of the road, when animal control won't pick up the phone. He can hunt and fish and build a fence and clear our backyard of brush. He can work manual labor in the cold all day and go inspect when I'm certain I heard someone knock on the bedroom window (spoiler alert: I didn't). I can't do any of those things.

Sure, he couldn't discuss the importance of catering to teens in libraries or the impact of Summer Reading or find a book for a 14-year-old with a 2nd grade reading level... but he doesn't need to, because I can. We compliment each other.

loneliness-inc · 2018-12-06T05:10:47+00:00

Start by taking ownership and then apologizing for your criticism.

Example - Josh, earlier today I snapped at you for doing x. Snapping at you was an unnecessary criticism and displayed a lack of trust and respect. I'm deeply sorry for hurting you in this way (followed by some affectionate/sensual touch).

It's important to spell it out in detail like this and not just apologize. Spelling it out like this will help drive home the message to him as well as yourself. It'll also cause a certain degree of internal pain. This is good as it gives you a "punishment" of sorts which will help prevent you from doing it again.

Princess_Medusa · 2018-12-06T08:09:37+00:00

My boyfriend is on the very intellectual side, however, he sometimes seems to be completely lacking common sense, leaving food out for days if I don't put it in the fridge or always starting with literally the least important task that's still to do at home when we are in a hurry. He's also pretty bad at judging other people which resulted in very uncomfortable situations for him in the past.

I sometimes get annoyed at him if the thing directly affects me negatively, however, I mainly just think that it's comforting to know that he's not perfect and that I can have a positive influence on him in those areas. A relationship is an opportunity to improve together and compensate the partner's shortcomings, so I'm always thinking that those little flaws show me that I'm needed and I can have a positive impact on him. (He often talks about how much he apprechiates me giving structure to his scattered brain)

That being said, it seems like a lot of very negative feelings are involved for you which is a bad sign. Maybe actively try to see the flaws in a positive light (as in: This is where I can help him and compensate for him) and observe if your feelings in the situation also change. If not, you'd probably have to discuss it with him and I don't think that the problem could be solved just internally.

R3adFoxx · 2018-12-06T01:46:11+00:00

Unfortunately there can be no love without respect.

Title	How can I stop criticizing?
Author	lovlorn
Upvotes	12
Comments	7
Date	December 6, 2018 12:10 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a3icmy/how_can_i_stop_criticizing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-stop-criticizing.67931 https://theredarchive.com/post/67931

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