What exactly does it mean to Cohabitate?

babyegirll · 2022-12-21T01:38:14+00:00

Sorry, I could be missing it, but what advice do you need? If this is the situation that works for you and youre both comfortable with it, then congrats! The good thing about the "no living together" rule is that it's entirely self imposed. As your relationship and needs evolve, it's okay if there are shifts and changes to that boundary that are better suited to your position in life. As long as he isnt pressuring you into changing your ideals or pushing your boundaries, I think this is a perfect solution to the problems youre having!

And if you just needed to post to let it out, I get it. I hope things start looking better for you and thag this arrangement works out!

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-21T02:14:27+00:00

I think the statistic stems from the majority of people not cohabitating are pretty devout Christians (or other religion) which is the primary reason they won’t live together before marriage, and also the primary reason they’re less likely to divorce. Marriage is a more serious sacrament to them and they consider divorce as a very serious sin against God.

I don’t think the statistic actually has to do with the living together being the actual problem with the future marriage. For example, my own mother in law has told me that the ONLY reason that she is still married is because it’s a sin against God to get a divorce. She said if it wasn’t for that, she would’ve left a long time ago. And honestly, I don’t think they even have that bad of a marriage. Just normal personality differences at this point.

Arcvider · 2022-12-21T02:26:29+00:00

I don't think you understand the difference between correlation and causation.

Recent-Bid8659 · 2022-12-21T12:13:07+00:00

I think, honestly, you do need to go with the flow a little. There is absolutely no point in destroying your good relationship through stress and money worries just because of a statistic. I do understand the concern, I had it with my boyfriend (now husband) but you DO need to take it on face value of YOUR relationship rather than statical relationships. As another commenter said, the numbers are taken from all relationships, not specifically religious based ones.

It sounds like you two talk really well already, so talk to your boyfriend and be completely honest about your worries and concerns, lay your cards out on the table and let him take the lead of where you go from here.

Just something to consider, how would you feel about getting married earlier? Maybe a quick marriage ceremony so it is legal and plan a "proper" wedding at a later date?

My husband and I have actually done this, we got married in May because his mum is very unwell and wanted to see her son get married and, due to UK laws, we can't get "legally" married in our faith anyway, we'd need to get married by a registrar and not have any religious wording in the vowa. We were just going to have a big religious non-legal bash next year and nip to the registry office just the 2 of us a few days after to make it legal, but we instead did a small registry office legal marriage ceremony this year with just immediate family and next year we are planning what we are calling a proper wedding, a religious ceremony and reception with our friends and family. For us, it's the best of both worlds and maybe something you might consider?

tallix1477 · 2022-12-21T02:03:17+00:00

One of the pitfalls of this is the "forever girlfriend" conundrum. If you are willing to act like a wife: cleaning, taking care of the house, taking care of him, etc., without getting the marriage first, men may feel that they don't need to marry you. They're already getting all the benefits of marriage, without having the legal commitment.
On the other hand, if you live with him and don't show that you can take care of the house, etc., he may think you aren't capable of doing so. If that is what he is looking for in a wife, or believes that a wife should be responsible for, he may decide you aren't a suitable match.
You may want to discuss this with him before moving in with him and his dad, so you know what his expectations are and where you are willing to meet him on them. Some women feel they should make it clear that they do not want to take on a "wife" role while they are still just a "girlfriend". Only you can decide whether this is appropriate for your relationship.

Either way, I wish you the best, it sounds like you're going through a rough time. Good luck with everything, I hope it all turns out well for you!

downtownbrunch · 2022-12-21T17:37:32+00:00

I mean, this isn’t really the same as the cohabitation you’ve done research on. Cohabiting occurs when an unmarried couple moves in together and can lead to a lessened chance of marriage because it removes the incentive for it. If you’re living in your boyfriend’s dad’s house into a room of your own, this isn’t nearly the same thing. You said the agreement would be that of a lessor + lessee with you having your own room, then that should imply that you’re responsible for maintaining your own living space and shared spaces in the home should be maintained by all who use them.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-21T01:00:11+00:00

Title: What exactly does it mean to Cohabitate?

Full text: Hi everyone, I’ve been a lurker for awhile now but have finally decided to post. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

My (21F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been together a little over a year now (though we were friends a bit before that). We are both “red pilled” and have been for a couple years before meeting. We agree on values and principles and both are excited for our future after university to get married, live together, have a family, etc. I came from a slightly more religious background, however, we are on the same page on our beliefs and values. One such belief I have been very firm on (and we’ve been in complete agreement on) is not living together before marriage. Based on the research I had done before engaging in a relationship, I came to the conclusion that cohabitating without marriage was statistically worse for the outcome of a relationship and was something I personally wanted to avoid. I communicated this very early on in our relationship and we were and are in complete agreement.

Recently, I’ve been badly financially struggling. I come from a single mother home which I left due to toxicity in the spring. My dad and stepmom have young children of there own and I’ve been somewhat estranged from my dad/stepmom due to some issues. I live alone currently while in university and work part-time to full-time hours each week. I am in a very very expensive city and trying to survive on my own, while in school, while receiving little too no help from my parents, and am additionally dealing with mental health issues/recovery from the toxicity I experienced growing up. All of this stress and responsibility is pilling up and getting to the point where I am barely able to pay rent. I am unable to live with my dad right now as they are renovating there house and have moved into a very tiny apartment for the duration of the renos. Thankfully, I will be able to live with them starting next fall in time for my last year of school.

My boyfriend is seeing my stress and helps me as much as he can. Of course my stress has greatly affected our relationship, as I am unable to be a soft place to land. Over this holiday I had to cancel Christmas with my family as I had to work in order to make enough for this month. My boyfriend (who shares a home with his dad) offered for me to live with him until I can move in with my dad. He believes this way we can save more money for our future and the “rent” I would pay would be put in a savings account for our future. We’ve also discussed what this would look like and I would have my own room/space and we would treat it’s more like a renter/tenant agreement, which I think would be best. Especially as we want to take legal precautions so we aren’t considered common law. I really like this idea as I know that it would be the best for our future and our relationship now (I would be way less stressed, etc). However, I am concerned it could very quickly become cohabitating, and have longer negative effects on our relationship. I love my boyfriend, feel so lucky to have found someone like him and want to marry him one day in the future. I don’t want to do anything that could affect that in any way.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

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Marissa_Smiles · 2022-12-24T10:09:15+00:00

You’ve expressed having a toxic relationship with your mother as well as not having some issues with your dad. This puts pressure on you, add your financial issues and it’s a-lot of pressure on you and also affecting your boyfriend and relationship. I realize you are currently struggling financially, but since it’s short term (until you can move in with your dad). Is it possible you can get a roommate or move in with a friend or family member in the interim. You can also ask your father for financial support until you move in. I don’t think you should go against your beliefs due to necessity. Would you be considering this arrangement if your finances were sound?

Title	What exactly does it mean to Cohabitate?
Author	soul_searxher
Upvotes	9
Comments	8
Date	December 21, 2022 1:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zr5r4g/what_exactly_does_it_mean_to_cohabitate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-exactly-does-it-mean-to-cohabitate.1144662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144662

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