Getting over oneitis through pain

30303030303030 · 2014-07-14T19:08:13+00:00

Although I felt like shit for 3-5 minutes, it turned around and I now I just don't care about her.

Last oneitis I had I cured learning how her ex looked like. If she was kneeling in front of him she clearly could've been what I thought she was, it was over in that second. The downside is I lost any interest in her.

Oneitis exists only in our heads. That girl is not real, it's a result of our hamstering. Learning that she's the same female as all of them makes it go away.

Melodramati · 2014-07-15T09:58:26+00:00

The thing is, oneitis is a purely egotistical phenomena. The problem with your strategy is you do not cure the ROOT cause - what are you going to find someone to bang every girl you get oneitis for? That's just silly. You have to heal your inner pain that causes you to latch prematurely onto other people and fixate on having them. Generally we just want other people's love and we obsess over an ex or a friend because we think subconsciously "I would feel so cool and so wonderful and happy if I just had her. If I had little Jenny I would just be perfect but without her I can never be that way."

It is bullshit obviously, but very powerful. What causes you to want one pretty girl over an equally pretty girl? Just that you A) know details about one girl so she is more 'real' to you and B) you feel you have a history and future with her and thus she is a "known" or "familiar" rather than unknown / unfamiliar in your mind.

Your mind isn't focused on new challenges, new conquests, and new experiences. It's in conservative mode - preserve what we have already! Gather the one girl we did get and hold tight because who knows if we can get another.

Treat that or forever get oneitis to a debilitating degree. You must treat the root cause here, not the symptom, which is you must flip to a less conservative mindset where you are optimistic and horny for the new experiences life / dating has to offer.

That is why FTG (fuck ten girls) is godly for oneitis. It requires you to get your inner game together and go out there and present yourself attractively to women (which kicks you brain back into reality). As you do it more, you start to experience oneitis again for these new girls, but now you have the frame of reference to know that it means nothing. Slowly oneitis stops developing because you realize it's just you being scared and operating in scarcity / conservative mode.

bradyo2 · 2014-07-15T09:27:43+00:00

Dude, you told your friend to fuck your ex?

The best way to prevent oneitis pain is quite simply, not to get oneitis. Unfortunately, this isn't always preventable, so the best back-up method to get over "the one" is the old Fuck Ten Girls (FTG) method.

Scenario:

You split up with your LTR of 1.5yrs, morbidly upset, crying every night, generally being a pussy.

You say to yourself "Right, enough BS, I'm going to stop thinking about her, then I'm going out and getting laid". You do it, it's not hard. You don't even have to fuck them (although it helps). By the time you've got or slept with 10 girls, your LTR won't even be in your thoughts.

Tried and proven method to work.

Misteralcala · 2014-07-15T19:32:01+00:00

Oneitis happens when you put all of your love, hopes and dreams into a person. When you do this, you stop seeing them as a normal person with thier own issues, and they become the sole source of light and warmth in your life.

When you do this, they become the reason you are happy or sad. Your mood is tied directly to them. You are putting all of your emotional eggs in one basket, so to speak, and there will eventually be a huge omelet made when that person inevitably falters.

Instead of seeing the person as they are, you blind yourself to the ideal person you have built them up to be in your mind - after all, you gave them all of your love and trust and you wouldn't just do that with anybody would you? Therefore they must be special. This is hamstering in it's most self-destructive form.

Yes, it's possible to love and care for somebody, but always keep in mind that circumstances change, people change and the red-hot passion you have early on in a relationship can and will fade over time. The only person you should depend on is yourself, all others will eventually disappoint you because everybody has their own agendas and priorities.

Trust others, knowing that trust may be broken. Love others, knowing that love may not be returned to the same degree, if at all. Let your expectations be known, but don't be surprised if they can't be met.

It sounds cynical, but relying on yourself makes relationships so much easier to navigate and walk away from when they go bad. The happier person in the relationship is the one that has less to lose.

raven2000 · 2014-07-15T15:37:17+00:00

Interesting...

I can honestly say that all feelings for my ex-wife went right out the door when I saw evidence of her affair over a year ago (complete with graphic details). She went from my special girl that I lost, to "ew... she's one of THOSE chicks?! Oh god, what was I thinking??" pretty quickly.

Title	Getting over oneitis through pain
Author	Melodramati
Upvotes	20
Comments	10
Date	July 14, 2014 5:53 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2aoo8x/getting_over_oneitis_through_pain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/getting-over-oneitis-through-pain.17933 https://theredarchive.com/post/17933

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