I’m feeling pretty crappy about myself since the HB8 I’d been flirting with in physics for a month — we always sat next to each other in the first row — turned me down for a coffee date. How could I have read our interactions so wrong? I know that the idea of pickup is not to give a fuck, but I’m new to this, and I’m suffering from hardcore oneitis. That’s my problem.

I have a one-and-a-half hour break until my next class, so I decide to walk around campus and cold-approach girls. But I’m nervous. My confidence is gone. Most of the time, I can’t bring myself to approach. Even when I do approach, my lack of confidence results in rejections. Every. Single. Time.

Go to class. Walk around campus. See a set of four girls laughing and having a great time. Think I recognize one of them. Keep walking. Then think, “Fuck it.” Walk back to the set. Point to the HB7 I know.

Me: I know you.

Her: Oh my god I know you too.

Me (confidently): Where do we know each other?

Her: Shit, we had econ together!

Me: Oh yeah!

Me (noticing that I ruined the set’s conversation, in a strong cocky-funny): Damn it, I hate it how I totally ruined your guys’ conversation.

They laugh. (It doesn’t matter what you say. It’s about the delivery.)

Me: Can I borrow your friend?

The HB7 and I make small talk. I don’t escalate — I’m still feeling pretty crappy — but we exchange phone numbers. (Always keep trying even if it all seems to be going to hell.)

It’s around 5PM at this time. I go to chem. I make small talk with the girl sitting next to me. I don’t know who she is. But we vibe very well, even though I don’t escalate.

As I’m sitting there in lecture, I know I want to do something with this girl. She’s an average HB5, and feels safer to me. Then out of nowhere, lecture ends, and without thinking, I quickly point to her and say emphatically: “I think you are cute, and I want to get to know you better. Let’s get dinner. Right now.” I have no idea where this comes from in me.

She looks stunned. She lets out, “Okay.” (Don’t overthink things. Just go for it.)

She’s a freshman, so we eat at the Dining Commons. She seems totally nervous. In line to get in…

Me: Do you want me to pay you five dollars for the swipe?

Her: No, that’s not necessary.

Me (cocky-funny): Alright. But if this is a date, I’m an awful boyfriend for not paying.

Her: Maybe this isn’t a date.

Me: Let me read you. You seem like an artistic type. You’re quiet, you read a lot, do art…

(Stay calm with rejections, act like nothing has happened, and continue talking. Also, direct statements are often better than questions.)

Over dinner, we connect over introversion, family situations, and music. We vibe even better. As we’re finishing dinner, she invites me back to her dorm room. (Always best to establish an emotional connection.)

Walking to her dorm room, I do the standard ESP routine, which is cliche, but it works, and it’s great first Kino.

At the dorm room, we make small talk about the stuff she has. Then, suddenly, she drops a bomb.

Her: I should let you know, I have a boyfriend back home.

Me (too reactive): Oh no that sucks!

Her: I’m sorry. You seem really cool, though.

-awkward pause-

Me: Do you sing?

Her: No.

Me: Do you sing in the shower at least?

Her: Well, I mean, sure.

Me: Then you sing.

We make small talk about her poster of Muse, which is a rock band. (Again, stay calm with rejections, act like nothing has happened, stay your confident self, and continue talking.)

Me: We should go back to my apartment and sing songs. I play guitar.

Her: No, I’m awful at singing.

Me: Me too. We’ll be awful at singing together, and we’ll do it as friends.

Her: I don’t want to.

Me (placing a hand on her shoulder, confidently, and appealing to her guilt): It’ll be fun.

We head to my apartment, which is close by. I say, “I don’t want to bother my roommates.” My roommates are in the living room. “Let’s go in my bedroom.”

I sit her down on my bed, move my laptop to the nightstand next to my bed so we can read the lyrics/chords, and sit next to her with my guitar. We butcher Muse songs together. She’s loving it.

After a few songs, I say, “Why are you so far away from me?” I pull her close to me so that are bodies are very closely touching each other as we sing. We sing another song. “Random question,” I say. “Can I give you a hug?” We hug.

Her: Oh my god, no one hugs around here. We should be hugging buddies.

Me: Then give me another hug.

(Always escalate. Don’t give up.)

I take her back to her dorm room. I make the excuse, “It’s so cold during the Winter.” I hold her hand.

At her door. I ask if I can come in again, and she says sure.

Inside, I decide I need to address the elephant in the room. I do this because honesty is the only way at this point we’ll be able to escalate.

Me (cocky-funny): It sucks that you have a boyfriend.

Her: I feel for you, man. If I weren’t…

I put her hands around my neck, put my hands around her back, and hum a Muse song. I can tell she’s getting turned on.

Her: What are we doing?

Me: We’re dancing.

Her (as we start slow dancing, she’s turning her head away to the side): I have a boyfriend.

Me (I gently push her head back with my right hand, our faces are two inches from each other): I’m going to kiss you.

Her: No you’re not. I’ve been with my boyfriend a long time.

Me (recognizing her shit-test): Bullshit.

Her: …

Me: So I was right. You haven’t been with your boyfriend a long time.

Her: Well, we haven’t been together for a long time, but I’m committed…

Me: Long-distance relationships don’t work. You know it’s going to fail.

Her (getting super turned on): …

Me: I’m going to kiss you.

Her: I really can’t.

Me: I’m going to kiss you on the cheek.

Her: Okay.

We kiss each other on the cheek. After that, I go in for the kiss, which usually works. But here it doesn’t, and she turns away. We’re still slow dancing. I brush her hair off on her right side so I can bite then kiss her neck. She moans. I come back up, and she initiates a make out.

Eventually, we stop, and she gives me a very serious no. I tell her that she’s going to remember this day for a long time and leave. I tell her, “When you leave your boyfriend…”

I go back to my apartment. I receive a text from her, “I’m sorry, I just don’t roll that way.”

But as I enter my apartment complex, I see a legitimate HB10 trying to sort the mail she’s gotten in her mailbox. I am in God mode right now.

I number close.

The day only gets better.

EDIT: Fix line breaks.