WARNING this is a hella' long rant that in the beginning may seem pretentious but please, bare with me. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back for anything and I'm looking for genuine guidance. So, here it is:

I honestly wonder sometimes if this sub has ruined me. As a little preface, I started lurking here about two years ago. I also subscribed to some fitness subs and some fashion subs. Within those two years I can honestly say I'm a completely different person. I'm 22, confident, strong, in shape, have a great body, well-groomed, suave, and have hobbies and very sexually active. My question lately has been, what's it all for?

I remember when I first started this transformation. I was in a long distance, long term relationship and was miserable. I had zero sex appeal (apart from my height), my confidence was seriously lackluster, and I just felt like a boring, average Joe. I knew I wanted more out of life.

So what did I want? Why do all of this? Well, for the most part, I wanted to be that guy. You know the one? The fun one that everyone knew, ladies gawked at and wanted attention from, and was a pleasure to be around--just a fun individual.

I put the work in. I got into a gym, got into a crazy yet strong group of party animals (people who had traits that I wanted to mirror and learn from), learned how to love myself and show confidence from that self-love, and found out that I am an all around good guy to be around.

So here is my problem: I feel like I get into these cycles that I don't really want, but at the same time don't really want to stop. I go from meeting a girl and getting that "oh my God, I cannot believe I'm talking to this girl" feeling. Where no matter what I'm head over heels for her and ready to take the plunge. If we haven't slept together yet, we usually talk for a bit (maybe a week or so) and then we definitely fuck. But then within about 3-4 months I'm bored and want something new.

I've always thought of myself as the relationship guy. I'm really into this whole seduction thing to find someone to be with long term, but I can't tell if it's the people I'm dating or myself that I can't seem to find the right person. Lately I've been trying really hard to stop feeling like I'm only talking to people for sex, but it's really hard. If sex isn't the goal then what is? Why do my feelings seem to take a change right after sex? Am I just addicted to the hunt? I feel like my ego needs a huge check.