Just for some context: I am a college senior who has never had a girlfriend. It took me until my sophomore year to kiss a girl and have sex, both of which were more the result of alcohol than any skill on my part.

After going to therapy for my social anxiety problems, I took a lot of time to get myself in order during the summer before my junior year. I found a major I enjoyed, earned a high ranking position in the corresponding campus organization, got myself into good shape playing basketball and lifting weights, and kicked a bad friend group that wasn't conducive to happiness.

My self esteem issues were covered up by a fake confidence that people seem to buy into. "Fake it until you make it" as my therapist says.

I've had sex about a dozen times now, but never with the same girl twice and never with a girl that I was truly excited about. Most just (drunkenly) fell into my lap.

As happy as I've become, I realize how lonely I am inside. My friends often tell me how good looking I am and how I could have my choice of girls, but the ones I'm actually interested in never think of me that way.

I have no idea how to get a girl while I'm not drunk. I see girls I'm attracted to on campus and around town and don't know what to do.

I'm terrified of intimacy and letting people really get to know me. Girls bullied me in high school and some of the ones I tried letting in humiliated me in front of friends.

I'm tired of having sex with girls that I barely know. I yearn for a real relationship, but I don't have any idea how that works.

I don't know how to talk to anyone about this either. I guess people assume that I've got it all figured out since I'm apparently good looking, but I haven't got a fucking clue.

My friends have even remarked how they suspect I'm gay since I don't make use of my looks.

It's just frustrating and I don't know how to make an intimate relationship happen.