Why are babies so damn happy for no reason?!

I've always wondered that. They can't walk, they can't talk, they can't eat on their own, heck, they can't even think! Yet, they're happier than most people.

In my opinion, the reason why babies are so happy is because they are their own source of positive emotions. They don't look to others to see what's right or wrong. They act from their our desires and don't worry about the consequences. But as they grow older, something happens and they feel empty inside. They seek to feel better through socializing and making connections, and that's normal. The problem comes when they begin to base their identity on other people's reaction.

If the boy wants to play with a doll, but his parents get mad at him and punish him, he'll seek to make things better, not by doing what he really wants to do, but by doing something to get a good reaction from them. He fixes his behavior, he feels good about himself and dopamine gets released in his brain, and the process of social conditioning begins.

So how does this relate to learning to be happy without needing women?

Social conditioning places women on a pedistle and you at the bottom

For the most part, our happiness is based on our self image, and social conditioning says that if you get a lot of girls, you'll be happy. It's everywhere! Rappers surrounded with money and women, smiling and showing you the good life that you wish you had.

Similarly, If a woman is attractive and getting validation from left to right, she must be happy. That's why men and women focus how the opposite sex reacts to them because its a reflection of their worth as human beings. For a woman, being attractive is based on youth, and facial, and bodily symmetry. For men, in order to become attractive to women you must subscribe to the following beliefs:

Money gets you girls: If you go out tonight and use money as a way to get laid, you'll come back dissapointed. By using money as a means to get them attracted, women will categorize you as the Provider. The man that has to go on multiple dates with her in order to get a freaken kiss. Looks get you girls: When you go to a party or a social venue, the most popular guy is not always the best looking. And we've all seen guys who were good looking but couldn't get a girl for their lives.

Romance gets you girls: "If I bring her flowers and take her on a date on a boat, it will get her to like me"... Just because you see it in movies, doesn't mean it'll work in real life. The only time when romance actually works is when a girl as actually attracted to you. If she isn't, your actions can potentially be deemed as creepy or needy.

So if that doesn't work in becoming attractive, why do we continue to embrace this belief? Humans have this tendency to think that if someone's right about 'this', they must be right about 'that'. In order words, we don't question authority figures because if they were right before, they must be right again.

Social conditioning says 'You are not enough'

We then proceed to workout, get money, become rich and famous in the hopes of being "worthy" enough to get that dream girl. But the majority of us never reach that level of success and for that reason, we see women as people who are made out of a different cloth; as people who are inherently better than us and in order to get their approval, we must live up to societies expectations.

That's why a lot of men feel empty inside and have no self esteem. By feeling this emptiness, we sort of conclude that in order to feel better, we have to look for never-ending stimulation to fill the void. It makes sense because logically, if there's nothing inside of us, how do we expect to feel good on our own? For men, never ending stimulation comes in one of two forms:

1) Buying self esteem: the way that marketers market their products is by showing you that YOU need it and it does it through showing that other people have it and are happy with it. Humans are always comparing themselves to others and we all know that comparison is the number one killer of self esteem. So rather than focusing on oneself and finding happiness from within, we look for the short route, the magic pill, we seek to buy or borrow self esteem (social media likes, followers, cars, clothes and etc). You'll feel good for the moment but unfortunately this type of self esteem has a shelf life and once its over, we seek more. This "person" who we're trying to satisfy and make feel whole is what we call, the ego. The self that emerges whenever we get hurt and attempt to make things right by seeking outward solutions.

2) Seeking a reaction: ever since we've been assigned our gender roles -- boy or girl -- we've been trained to look to others on what's right or wrong. We never really develop an internal system of what's right or wrong. It only depends on someone else's opinion (i.e., social conditioning). Whenever someones approval or disapproval dictates to you who you are. IF a girl likes you, you feel attractive and that boosts your self esteem. IF she doesn't like you, you feel unattractive and shitty and Pornhub becomes your life long friend. The self that you "feel" whenever you get or don't get what you want, is what I referred earlier as the ego. Social conditioning fucked up your natural dominant self

When you see a woman walking pass you, rather than feeling confident and excited to approach her, you hesitate and begin to evaluate if you're worthy of her based on society's superficial value system.

You notice that she's hot, has a lot of makeup, her bitch face is on point, but then you look back at yourself. You begin unconsciously evaluating what you have to offer, and who you are in this world compared to others, and you begin to feel inadequate and that you're not enough.

If you happens to muster up the courage to approach her, you feel like you have to act like a cool, and smooth. But that's not really who you are, that is to say, you're not really being yourself. Your words, thoughts and actions are not aligned and it comes off weird and incongruent. She's going to sense you view her on a pedistle and that her value is greater than hers, and instinctively, she's going to say no to you, or even worse, completely ignore you.

You can't blame her for her reaction. Who wants to talk to someone who's not acting like themselvees, or even worse, is using her as a form of therapy to feel better about themseves.

How to be free of social conditioning

Become your own source of positive emotions. Stop seeking for evidence to prove to you who you are or who you're not. All great success derived from shutting everyone off and going after what you believe is right.

If you believe that you need this or that to feel confident, then your sense of self -- which is primarily based on your emotional state -- will controlled by women. They'll control if you're going to have a good day or not.

If you base your sense of self on something that cannot be described or taken away you(which we will discuss towards the end of the article), you'll feel confident and strong. You natural instinct to approach, and seduce won't be inhibited by society's pressure to meet their standards.

The woman's automatic response to needy men (which comes from the realization that you're not enough based on the unrealistic standards placed on men) would be overrided by her response to someone who's confident and lives by his own rules.

Even if the woman rejects you, you won't experience highs or lows, you'll remain unreactive.

Can you see how a man who does not depend on women for happiness, can be extremely attractive to women?

I'm not saying that happiness is the key to getting women. What I'm saying is being your own source of positive emotions, from which your sense of self derives from, is the key to being attractive toward women.

Meditation: the key to finding happiness without women

So remember, the reason why you can't be fully happy withotu women is becasue you're trained to believe that who you are and what you're worth, is based on other people's reaction towards you, and in our case, women's reaction towards you.

By cutting away from the need to feel good about ourselves by simply going deeper into what we've been trying to run from, our unhappiness, you'll find that you possess an ecosystem of positive emotions that's self sustaining and never ending.

If you ever meditated, you'll know that after a while you begin to feel a deep sense of inner-peace that emerges out of nowhere. But the truth as to why you're able to feel good from meditation is because you're detaching yourself from the matrix; social conditioning. And from your detachment, you're able to wake up and realize that you are enough.

You'll hear a constant chatter telling who you are, and what you're worth in this world relative to others, but now, instead of making an identity out of your thoughts and emotions, you watch and observe. You begin to realize that you're inside this person you call you. That you're not your thoughts and emotions, and thus, they don't define who you are.

What meditation trains you to do is to observe your thoughts and reactions as they occur. Its essentially training on how to be aware of being aware. This awareness is what you were when you were a child. Remember, as a child you had no personality, sense of self or even knew how to speak a speck of a word. Yet, you were you. You were inside. But as you grew, you exchanged your true self for the ego, the self that's constantly seeking to be fulfilled.

When speaking to a woman, rather than allowing your thoughts and emotions to consume your attention, the only thing on your mind will be the woman. She won't be interacting with this needy little self called the ego, who's seeking a reaction from her in order to confirm its existence. She'll be interacting with your original self, the self that knows his self worth and does not view her as superior or inferior.

If you feel the need to say something to impress her, you'll take a step back, observe this need and continue interacting with the woman without acting on this feeling.

You'll also realize that the outcome of the interaction will not affect your quality of life. Knowing that if she says know, you can still feel good no matter what because at the end of the day we do this to feel good about ourselves. To enjoy life.

Conclusion

The first step to stepping out of the grasp of social conditioning is understanding that you can become your own source of positive emotions. Start developing your own likes and dislikes. Meditate on a daily basis and when interacting with a woman, observe yourself react. That reaction can range from the need to get her number, all the way to the need of her returning you phone calls.

To learn more: mindfulattraction.org