My guide to escalation (ROUGH DRAFT)

Here is my rough draft guide to escalation. I welcome comments.

EDIT: I cut out a bunch of shit to make it shorter.

A lot of guys are confused because our view of “game” is defined by movies and TV. In the movies, “game” is when a really slick, witty guy puts on an act for a girl and “charms” her. Everything he says is deep poetry, a riddle or a witty line, and is delivered with a sultry, sexually charged, seductive tone that oozes charm and magic and sex. Guys with “game” in the movies talk in weird, affected way that you would never to talk to somebody normally. I think PUA “coaches” exacerbate this mindset because they want to make you think that game is some “magic skill” that you need to pay somebody to learn. Some guys here think that the “right” answer to everything a woman says is a witty comeback or a riddle or some bullshit like that.

I think this is a terrible mindset. GAME IS NOT PLAYING A WEIRD CHARACTER. Game, at least to me, is just acting normal and talking to women like they were your guy friend or your sister or your mom. Most guys that get lots of girls aren’t putting on an “act” – they are just acting normal. Most of the time they are not even trying to get laid. Granted, there are some weird quirks about women that you need to learn to navigate, but for the most part you just have to act normal. Women do like Casanovas – but that’s only after she has built up an attraction to you. When you’re just a random guy approaching her, acting like Casanova is creepy. Do you think Jay-Z or Brad Pitt need to “game” girls? No! They just act normal. Why should you be different?

Won’t talking to women like they are a platonic friend get you friend zoned? Yes and No. If you never escalate, then you will get friendzoned. But even when you escalate, you still need to talk to her like she is a regular person. Escalation is isolated things you do in the middle of an otherwise platonic interaction. Constantly “gaming” and being sexual over a long period will make you look overly aggressive, creepy, crazy and corny.

You may ask: what about all the PUA blogs that say I need to give off a dominant, masculine vibe? You do – but that should be normal for you. That’s how you should always talk. When your boss asks you to do something, you need to respond to him like a man. Acting dominant shouldn’t be an act – it should be who you are ARE.

The explanation

Let’s look at it from the women’s perspective. Most guys just suck at hitting on girls and come off as rude, aggressive, creepy, pathetic, sad, desperate, etc... Make no mistake – girls like attention, they like sex, they like affection, they want to find somebody, but being gamed is usually an unpleasant experience. In fact, most women are immediately turned off by anything they perceive as “gaming.” If you’ve ever watched a man try to “game” it is cringe-worthy. Men often talk to women like they are stupid, act feminine and silly for some reason, agree with dumb things they normally wouldn’t agree with, and generally supplicate and drool like zombies.

Men are bad at gaming because women make men crazy by bringing out our strongest emotions, even the bad ones. Men naturally want to be providers to women, so we immediately want to serve them and supplicate to them, which is extremely unattractive. A lot of men also get very nervous and anxious around women, which causes them to act in bizarre ways. And of course, your dick is an insane animal that will cause you to do incredibly creepy and aggressive things. Society also teaches men that women are somehow “different” so men are afraid to bring out their full personality in front of women in fear they will get rejected.

For all of those reasons, and more, men perform sub-optimally around women they are trying to “game.” Gaming causes you to be less funny than you normally are, less interesting than you normally you, generally less YOU than you normally are. You have to be normal. Everybody has a “peak personality” that comes out around their best friends or when they are happiest – that is what you should be presenting to girls. Ideally, a good interaction (between any 2 people) is one where they share common interests, laugh at funny shit, act nice to each other, and generally enjoy life together as partners – it’s a lot easier to do that when one person isn’t trying to “prove” themselves to the other or “game” them.

Playing a character is stupid for other reasons as well. For one, it is difficult. You know how to act normal, but you don’t know how to be this “suave” character you think you need to be. Second, it is creepy because women generally take longer to feel “attracted” than men do, so you are acting all lovey-dovey, while she is just looking at you like a regular person. Third, girls can tell you are playing a character and they see that is validation-seeking behavior, which is very unattractive. Fourth, “vibing” with a person is a very organic thing that depends on what’s happening in the moment, and you’ll fuck that up reading a script or playing a character.

Fifth, and this is most important, “gaming” creates a weird vibe and puts pressure on you to perform. A lot of guys say “I have no idea what to say to a girl.” Why don’t you have that problem when you talk to anybody else? The only reason you get nervous or “don’t know what to say” is because you know you are planning on putting on some weird act that has nothing to do with your real thoughts and intentions. Do you get nervous and “not know what to say” when you are around your friends or your mom? No? Then why would you get that way around any other girl?

Rules for escalation

1) She has to be attracted to you. It always blows my mind when a guy walks up to a woman he doesn’t know and asks for her number. Why would she give you her number? She doesn’t know a single thing about you! Before you can escalate, the woman has to feel “something” for you. But building attraction is easy – just act normal. Women’s interest builds from level to level – so a woman may feel “I’ll go on a date with him” attraction but not yet “I’ll fuck him” attraction. You have to be one step ahead of her – so ideally you don’t ask if she’ll go on a date with you until she feels “I’ll go on a date with him” attraction. To determine whether she feels this level of attraction, you have to be able to read her with emotional intelligence. If you can't tell, just assume she is attracted.

2) Do it confidently. When you escalate with a girl, you must act as if you are doing the most normal thing in the world and there is nothing weird or inappropriate about it. Look in her eyes and talk in a deliberate, calm tone of voice. If you make her feel weird or like something “bad” is happening, she will shut down. A good test for confidence is “would I shout this in the middle of a crowded party?” If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, you’re not confident enough. Imagine a guy who yells over a crowd of people in the middle of a party: “Kelly are you single or not? I need to figure out my schedule for next week.” THAT guy has game. Think about escalating like punching somebody (I know this is a really bad analogy, but hear me out). If you punch somebody, it may go well or it may not go well. But either way, you have to do it with all your force and follow through or it definitely not go well.

To be confident you must know what you are doing is fundamentally right and not inappropriate. A lot of you guys get psyched out by their previous rejections or feminist blogs that make it seem like women are frigid and hate being approached by men. You need to think through these issues on your own in a logical way and determine what you think is and is not appropriate. Once you’ve figured that out, nobody can shame you and if they try, you can brush them off because you KNOW you are not doing anything wrong. Women like meeting men and forming emotional and physical connections with them. Women like being romanced and meeting new, interesting people. They just don’t like men crossing their boundaries, insulting them, or pushing after she says no. Learn those distinctions and you’re good.

A good way to escalate is to act like she is validating herself to you. To go for a kiss, I might say “I think I am ready to kiss you.” Or I might just go for it if she has that look in her eyes.

If an escalation goes bad, I try to say something to clear up the awkwardness. I might say something like “Well, I tried. Can you blame me?” I don’t apologize or start acting weird (i.e., supplicating or whatever) because I need to stay on this theme that I didn’t do anything wrong or weird. If she tries to “shame” you for escalating, stand your ground and act like you did nothing wrong (hint: this works better when you actually do nothing wrong – so don’t do anything wrong). Some more comebacks I use after getting an escalation shut down: 1) I thought I was doing you a favor, 2) Don’t worry, you might get another chance, 3) My mom taught me that if you’re not getting rejected, you’re not trying hard enough, or 4) You can’t blame me for trying. If she says no but gets super apologetic about saying no, I might just say “I completely understand. Not everyone is a slut like me” or I’ll just say “gosh, stop apologizing. Stand up for yourself.” If she actually gets angry, which has never happened, I guess I would say “I apologize, I read the situation wrong.”

If she rejects an escalation attempt, I immediately go cold on it and move on to something else. No begging, no pushing. That looks completely unattractive. It also freaks women out to keep pushing - there are a lot of creepy, aggressive men out there and you want to look different than them. After saying something funny to defuse the awkwardness, I make the conversation platonic again. If I try to make a move on a girl in bed and she says no, I promptly roll over, say “ok, I tried. Good night!” And go to sleep. One of one of the most attractive things you can do is try to escalate, get shut down, and then go back to acting completely normal. Girls will have a lot of respect for a guy who knows what he wants, tries to get it, but then completely respects the girl’s boundaries if she says no.

There is a line of thinking on the internet, most prevalent on red pill-ish sites and other misogynistic corners, that women “like” to be “taken” and not asked for consent. There is a little truth to this, but whatever you do, please keep in mind the legal consequences of what you are doing and how she REALLY feels. This requires a lot of emotional intelligence and sensitivity. At the end of the day, the woman must want it. Sometimes if I do something “ravishing” I might just make a move and then ask her after a few minutes “do you like this” and if she says yes I keep going. I am not going to risk my future just because some girl is into freaky shit.

Give her an out using double meanings When a guy escalates it’s often scary because the guy has expressed interest and a lot of guys become creepy stalkers when they are interested. For that reason, women are a lot more responsive and feel comfortable when you give them an “out.” The best way is to use the “double meaning” trick –when you make a statement that can be interpreted with 2 meanings, one escalating and one not. Girls like double meaning sentences because it puts the ball in their court – they can choose how to proceed based on the meaning they want.

Here is an example, very early in the interaction:

Me: Are you single?

Her: Yeah

Me: That’s good news.

Me saying “that’s good news” could be interpreted as “that’s good news because I want a shot with you” or “that’s good news because you are happier.” Obviously it means I want her but the double meaning ensures that she has an “out” in case she is not interested or wants to take it slowly. It also makes me look less aggressive. I’ve shown interest, but I’ve always given her an escape latch where she can feel comfortable in the interaction without it getting weird.

Here is another example, A LOT further along in the escalation:

Me: You look like you need to get fucked.

Her: Yeah, I do.

Me: I might know somebody that can help.

Obviously, I’m telling her there I want to fuck her, but the “double meaning” gives her an “out” so she doesn’t feel like a slut. It seems like a weird point, but it’s how female psychology works.

Another way to use double meaning is with jokes. When you make sexual jokes with a girl, she can interpret that as you being serious or just as a “joke.” Either way, the message is sent. Another way to do the double meaning thing is to “reject” her, but make it clear you still like her. I might say “you know, Kelly, I really like you but we may be incompatible because we are too much alike.” On its face, that’s a rejection, but you can read between the lines and see that it is really a challenge for Kelly to validate herself.

Obviously, you can’t use the “double meaning” theory in physical escalation. It would be creepy and disingenuous (“I wasn’t trying to touch your ass, I thought it was the couch!”). Physical escalation should be direct and unapologetic. If she says no, again I will use my comebacks “you gotta admit, that was a good attempt.”

The Steps

Here is how you should game girls:

1) Approach

2) Speak to the women like you would your guy friends or your family or any other platonic person, but make it clear you are “interested” in her

3) Use your emotional intelligence to read her,

4) When you feel like she is ready, and it is appropriate, escalate confidently using a double-meaning phrase (I’ll explain later),

5) after she has hopefully accepted your escalation, go right back to platonic mode,

6) repeat steps 2-5 until you close.

All the while, you should be “leading” her around – from one spot in the bar to another, from one bar to another, etc...

Like I said earlier, women have attractedness “levels” and your escalation should be consistent with the level they feel for you. So when do you do step 4, read her to see how interested she is in you. She will either react 1) positively (i.e., happily accept your escalation and perhaps even escalate herself), 2) neutrally (not do anything to show whether she liked it or not) or 3) negatively. If you put your hand on her waist a positive reaction will be her putting her hand around you, a neutral reaction would be her just standing there and not doing anything, and a negative reaction would be her moving away or taking your hand off of her waist.

If she reacts positively, great – keep going (but wait a little bit for the next escalation so you don’t look super aggressive). If she reacts negatively, stop and re-assess whether she reacted negatively because you are moving too fast or because she just doesn’t like you. If you are moving too fast, downshift. If she is just not attracted to you, quit and move on. If she acts neutrally, she may be doing so because she is afraid of saying no or because she is just not expressive. Keep escalating, but read her to make sure you are not wasting your time or making her feel uncomfortable.

To me, step 5 is very important. After I escalate, I go right back to normal. I have asked her to do me a big favor (accept my sexual advance) and when I get what I want I don’t want to linger or make it weird. Going back to platonic makes her feel like 1) you care about her for her and not just for sex, 2) you are not a sex-crazed zombie that will stalk her, and 3) you are actually an interesting, fun person who has more going on in his brain than sex.

Examples

My first “escalation” is usually just asking if they are single. You would be amazed at how many girls with boyfriends or husbands just like being gamed for the attention. Fuck that. I need to know right away if I am wasting my time. When I do this, I usually do it in a joking way that requires them to validate themselves to me. Here is an example:

Me: Are you single?

Her: Yeah

Me: So am I. Let’s see how this goes. (Note the double meaning)

From there, it’s lots of kino. I can’t give you a guide on how to do kino because it requires you to read the situation and use your emotional intelligence. I usually do it for a little, back off, and then go back to it. You don’t need to have your hands on her all night for her to want to fuck you – you just need to create that biological “bond” that people feel when they touch. I also don’t want a girl to feel like I am smothering her or “trapping” her so she can’t talk to other people or do other things. I also want to give her an “out” if she is not feeling me. I understand that sometimes girls are afraid to say no, so if I back off that give her an opportunity to reassess her situation. On the other hand, you have to come back at a reasonable time so that she doesn’t feel like you lost interest. If she comes back, of course, I know I’m golden.

At some point, I turn the conversation sexual. Once again, I do this confidently like it is not weird at all. When I get sexual, I often do it in a logical, almost professorial tone, as if this completely normal and I am completely in control of my emotions and dick and I will not be doing anything crazy, weird, unconfident, or rape-y. It works best when it flows in the context of the conversation. The best first strikes are those that have nothing to do with you fucking her and are just about sex in general. Example:

Her: I really believe in gay rights.

Me: Me too! My philosophy is that anybody should be able to fuck anybody they want. Who am I judge? Have a party.

After some more comfort, you can direct your strikes AT her. A good way to bring up sex is in the context of relationships, in an intelligent way. A good order to use in conversations is: 1) Superficial stuff that strangers usually talk about (music, TV shows, what they do for fun), 2) deep shit (religion, political beliefs, emotions, etc...), 3) relationships, and then 4) sex. I might say something like this:

Her: [Says something about her relationships]

Me: Let me guess what your problem is. You want a strong, dominant man and you have a hard finding that because most men because intimidated by you and you “break” them, even guys that were previously confident.

Her (usually): Oh my god, that is so true! How did you know that?

Me: Because you just look like a very confident, alpha female. And obviously you are very pretty and smart, so you are a catch and probably make men go crazy.

Her: I mean, I don’t want to brag.

Me: The solution for you is to find somebody that can handle your awesomeness and still be confident and dominant. You also need a guy who will dominate you in the bedroom and fuck the shit out of you.

Her: You are so right!

Me: I think I know somebody that can help you.

If that conversation sounds silly to you, please know that I have had the SAME conversation with tons of hot girls (it works best with more attractive “alpha” women) and it usually works.

Keep in mind though: DO NOT DWELL ON SEX. You don’t want to make it weird or uncomfortable, and you certainly don’t want to look thirsty or desperate.This is tricky ground, so your best bet is to get in, make your point and get out. The vibe you give should be “I’m interested in fucking you, but if you say no I will walk away and find somebody else, no problem.” It’s also good to sometimes downshift your escalation so that girls don’t feel like they are on a crazy train that they can’t get off of. You don’t want to look like a zombie who is excited because he smelled blood. Please also keep in mind that not all women want to talk about sex. A lot of women just want to go right to the act – you have to read them and see what kind of person they are. A lot of liberal, “alternative” women are a lot more open to talking about it than conservative women, who are more likely to do it “low key.”

next up is my guide to closing.

Go to my website: http://www.woujo.com