I have serious problems demonstrating higher value

hatchitdown · 2010-05-18T02:07:33+00:00

I just don't know how to accept compliments or talk about the things I like to do without sounding like an asshole.

One of the most useful things my father told me about social situations is that you need to learn how to take compliments well. If you're uncomfortable when people are telling you you're awesome, how the heck will you be comfortable in any situation interacting with other people?

It's not particularly hard - just say thanks if you can't think of anything better to say. That's still helluva lot better than "Uh, I'm not that good, really..." It's a bit insulting to the other person since you basically just said, "I don't think you're a good judge of my ability."

The thing to do is play it cool. Behave as if you get complimented all the time - it's nice, but you have better things to talk about. Say thanks and move on. Maybe there are smoother ways you can handle it, but that works well if you have nothing better.

Thinking about it though I never even mentioned anything I like to do or demonstrated any higher value beyond appearing moderately intelligent with a decent understanding of world affairs (pertained to the course we were taking).

It's hard to DHV by directly telling a girl you're awesome, don't blame yourself. The opportunity to DHV will come up at some point in the conversation - you just need to take it.

I've found it helps to be just really honest about what you do. When someone asks "So what do you do?" my first instinct used to be to mention some inane aspect of my life which I don't care much about at all, because it was safe. I felt uncomfortable discussing the things I care about the most.

I've learned to react honestly now; when people ask me, I tell them e.g. "Oh, I paint a lot. Usually landscapes from my hometown. Sold a few at an auction there once." I used to feel uncomfortable because it seemed like bragging, and I was potentially opening myself up for others' judgment (thus potential disapproval).

The key is to ignore that feeling and be honest about what you really do that matters the most to you. There's still some discomfort, but I ignore it and push ahead because it helps me build honest relationships with others, and gets me interested in the conversation. And whaddya know, since I'm interested in the awesome shit I do, other people pick up on that energy and get turned on to it too.

cheeses · 2010-05-18T10:16:40+00:00

I used to be bad at accepting compliments, but it turns out it's quite easy: just say "thanks". You can shrug your shoulders a bit if it feels too arrogant otherwise, but don't go out of your way trying to prove you actually suck.

Also, telling about your talents can be quite hard, but IMHO the best way is to encapsulate it in a story (as per Mystery Method). E.g.: "Yeah I didn't do too much yesterday, I was just making music when my friend called and we went to play pool." will very likely result in: "Ooh, what kind of music do you make?"

Good luck!

xenophobe51 · 2010-05-18T04:09:22+00:00

Your mantra:

No big deal.

WhoTheHellKnows · 2010-05-19T07:26:39+00:00

Don't confuse DEMONSTRATING higher value with talking about it. Talking makes you look like a chump.

Driving is a demonstration. It worked. Play the piano. Don't tell. Do.

2010-05-18T03:08:55+00:00

It honestly doesn't matter what you say. Just how unreactive you are.

Invinciblegdog · 2010-05-19T12:25:52+00:00

Just say thank you to the compliment, it may feel real awkward to you on the inside but they won't notice it. (Unless you make a funny face or something)

lovesystemssheriff · 2010-05-23T05:34:15+00:00

You've created an abstract problem here, and you're hoping you can just step in to a perfect solution. That's not conducive to getting better ;-)

Pick one specific cool thing you want to tell people about. Next time you're out, try and work it in to every set. How does it go? If it falls flat, or they girl acts like you're bragging, try doing it differently until you get it right. You will fuck up some of the time. Rinse, repeat.

Callmeprescott · 2010-05-18T20:33:07+00:00

Break the motherfuckin' fourth wall, that is all!

I'm serious! the other day I was webcaming with a girl, she kept putting on make up and not paying attention to me, so I told her "that's not very very polite, putting your make up like that in my face" she said something about wanting to be pretty, I replied "That's like me shaving in your face", you know what I did ? I grabbed my laptop, beemed the webcam at my face and took a razor and started shaving, just to prove my point, then she said "lol" and I said "yeah, screw you!" next thing you know she is all being sexy in her bed starring me down.

rmbarnes · 2010-05-18T15:51:39+00:00

You can't. Telling stories that conveniently drop bragging lines is as transparent as it gets. Girls see right through that shit. DHVing is one of the stupidest concepts ever. If anything, get one of your friends to dhv you...doing it yourself will always make you look like douchebag, always.

Title	I have serious problems demonstrating higher value
Author	talentnotalent
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	May 18, 2010 1:48 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c5do9/i_have_serious_problems_demonstrating_higher_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-serious-problems-demonstrating-higher-value.1310369 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310369

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