Phrased in many different ways, a lot of advice in this sub comes back to developing a lifestyle that people would find intriguing, and exciting to join in. Examples of this kind of advice would be like, "You have to believe strongly in the product you're marketing (i.e. YOURSELF)," "Always have something better to do," "You should frame asking someone out as an opportunity for them to 'tag along' with you," etc. I want to tease this idea out more.

I think we all have a general idea of what a massively awesome life looks like, but for me it was always short on practical, attainable details. None of us are going to wake up tomorrow a millionaire surfer triathlete with 2% body fat, a Malibu crash pad, a CV of keynotes on theoretical physics, and a charity foundation that hosts galas through the Civic Opera (Who knows...one of you might already be that, and if so, congratulations on having such kick-ass personal drive). This reminds me of the Owen Wilson character from Meet The Parents; the IMPOSSIBLY impressive ex-boyfriend.

I've been thinking about this for a while: if someone wanted to optimize their life purely for attraction, what would that look like? Not something cartoonish, but something that one could actually put together given long-hour jobs, family commitments, average personal energy-levels, and the occasional need to veg out.

I'm not saying this goal is 100% desirable, because it somewhat puts outside forces into your driver's seat. Also, different lifestyles are going to be attractive to different kinds of people, so you have to talk about this in generalities. Nevertheless I wanted to get the sub's informed take on this. Please use the following as inspiration, and let's see if there's more depth to be had here.

I have been doing some looking around. I even went back to some David DeAngelo material on the "5 P's of what he calls 'Gravity'". Near as I can tell, the most generally attractive lives tend to revolve around mastering a combination of these kinds of pursuits:

ESSENTIAL: There are certain skills and activities that seem to be universally interesting: 1) Cooking, 2) *Good* dancing, 3) Foreign travel (off the tourism paths) 4) Being handy

ATHLETIC: Usually this is something that one competes at or masters, particularly if it's interesting - martial arts, boxing, marathons, triathlons, competitions like Iron Man or Mudder, Parkour, etc. Weightlifting too, but that doesn't tend to be as interesting unless its competitive. These are things that generate poise; not just composure but holistic physical confidence. Mastering one of these domains seems to communicate confidence through body language in a way that can't be faked.

SOCIAL: This is usually what's going on when you "always have something better to do." Having a core group to hang out with, particularly if you're consistently getting people together to check out new stuff (goes to leading and authority). Concerts, street fests, anything that's newly opened. Or it could be more simple like a standing poker game, but that may lack adventure. I've met people who are social masters and they have this way of making the person they're talking to feel smarter, more energized and more important as a result of the conversation.

ARTFUL: Musicianship, poetry, photography, drawing/painting and theatre or improv work tend to do well if you can show you're really skilled. It helps to be putting these things out in public - much less attractive to claim to be a writer if all your material is sitting in a drawer, instead of having you take the *risk* of putting it out for the public. Musicianship seems to enjoy the lead here if you can pull out a guitar or sit at a piano and perform well on the spot. Appreciation for high arts might also work (classical music, architecture, opera) but producing one's own art seems to come off as more interesting.

VOLUNTEERISM: This is usually underrated, but it speaks to passion and purpose. These experience are usually also very interesting to talk about if you volunteer in a hands-on way.

INTERESTING HOBBIES: Emphasis on *interesting*: I'm teaching myself to code in Python but I ain't gonna lead with that. I'm thinking mixology, entertaining tricks, telling great stories...stuff that can please a crowd. Excellent karaoke game might fall in here too.

I'm noticing as I list these things out that they tend to have one thing in common: they all tend to be outside of people's usual comfort zones. I might add other items that most people find uncomfortable: public speaking, skydiving, climbing, etc. Truly interesting lives seem in some sense to be fighting against the path of least resistance, and respect tends to increase with the amount of intrinsic interestingness, investment and risk.

Okay, what am I missing? You guys have been doing this longer and more successfully than I have. How do you guys think about building an exciting, attractive life?