In this post, I will explain what is the problem of guys who got friend-zoned and how to avoid it. But let's start from what exactly is this because some people have different views about what can be classified as a friendzone.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_zone

"In popular culture, the friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. "

It is the simplest definition and also the broadest one, but also closest to the truth. So basically if you try to become friends with someone, but interested in them sexually, show them that and then rejected even after having "such a beautiful friendship" then people will tell that you were friend-zoned. And if you continue this "friendship" even after being rejected with a hope that this will change then you are very deep in the friendzone and should escape ASAP.

But why many people hate this concept (as you see even in the "neutral" wiki people shit on the nice friend-zoned guys)? Because it is supposed to imply that a woman should be more attracted to a man if he is being a good friend to her. But what is wrong with that? Let's see it from an evolutional point of view.

Human children are very costly to raise, so in less advanced societies a woman is extremely vulnerable both when she is pregnant and when she raises a child, they need protection from a man. And so, before actually getting pregnant she should find a man who is loyal and wouldn't abandon her after he gets what he wants. So in such circumstances, a woman would be rather choosy, she will choose a man who will invest in her in a non-sexual way for a long period of time. Basically, she would be with a "nice guy who is friend-zoned in modern times". What all those "nice guys" hateful by society do is exactly this. And, obviously, if they are the ones who are most loyal to a girl and invest in her the most then they would instinctively expect that she would choose them. When a woman rejects them and instead date other men who aren't so invested in her then it makes "nice guy" angry. But why modern women aren't interested in "nice guys" now and why this sexual strategy is no longer effective?

Unlike that many "guru" says, human sexuality, in fact, is very flexible. We are able to adapt our biology to social changes (to a certain extent) and it is even more so for women. In the modern world woman no longer needs to be so choosy in men and don't need men to invest in her so much. There is contraception, it means sex doesn't necessarily lead to children. There is a government that will force the father to pay even if he doesn't want to. And, of course, a woman can earn money for herself. So if we assume that for women a sexual strategy is to find a man who is as attractive as possible and as invested in her as possible, then the scales now moved to the "attractive" side from the "investment" side. A lot.

It is no longer matters so much how invested a guy in her and how loyal he is, what matters is how attractive is he sexually (it isn't necessary only about looks, there are many factors to determine a man's desirability, including his behavior). Now a woman doesn't need to wait until a man proves to her that he is ready to wait for years while being a good friend. If she considers a man attractive then she will have sex within a few weeks at most, sometimes even within a few hours or less (this is why pickup is possible in the first place).

And the key point - there is a direct contradiction between being invested and being attractive. The more man is attractive the less is he willing to invest too much in one certain woman. So if a guy is ready to wait, ready to invest in a girl for way too long, then a girl automatically(and often unconsciously) assumes that he doesn't have many other choices, he doesn't have abundance and so is unattractive. It is as simple as this. And if learns that you tried to be a friend to her just to get laid... it is as unattractive as it could be.

This is why in the modern world being non-needy is attractive like Mark Manson says.

Still, I should mention that there are different girls out there. For example, some very religious girls from traditional families would be more interested in "investment" than "attractiveness". For each girl, her preference for the balance between investment and attractiveness is somehow different. It also changes with time. Still, trying to get a girl by being a "friend" to her is a peak of investment and the bottom of attractiveness, it could get you only the most desperate girls out there.

But there is an exception - when you are truly being a friend with a girl and treat her the same you treat your male friends, being non-needy with her and not really try to get her like you - it is a real friendship and there is high chance that a girl could be truly attracted to you because you are being your true self with her. There is nothing wrong in being friends, the problem is when you try to make her "owe" you by doing good things for her sake. When you aren't really being a friend, but just "invest" in her, proving to her how nice and loyal you are - then you doing it completely wrong and for wrong reasons.

TLDR; Basically a friend-zone isn't real friendship, it is just a very outdated sexual strategy that is counter-productive in a modern world.