Seeking validation?

Sure-Wish3240 · 2022-08-26T16:51:02+00:00

Textbook existential Crysis.

To be happy you must like what you have become.

To like whom you are today you must forgive yourself from your past mistakes.

Even bad sex is good. That is why you date them and call them for a 2nd round. Do not blame yourself for it.

At your age its quite possible you have learned to detect signs of female interest. When a 9 look in your direction you may already a pretty acuratte estimation of How much she is considering having your dick inside her.

But there are 3 moments of my late 20s that more or less defined my destiny.

When a 9.5 walked into my work and looked me with interest. I felt It like a punch in the solar plexus.

When after what can best be described as a sex Marathon i layed on bed looking into the eyes of a girl and she looked back at me with the same feeling.

And when i enjoying anal and the girl starts to moan and squirm below me. I felt It so tight and warm that i wasnt able to be gentle and dicked her down like a force of Nature. Afterwards i asked her If she was OK and she said you silly, i was having multiple orgasms. Next day i travelled to their parents house and proposed.

What all these 3 moments have in common: passion. Intense, raw , blazing desire of the other. I think i could have married any of the 3 and get away with it, but in the end things worked out with the one whose personality matches mine best.

You cant go out and say, today a lightning will hit me. Passion will hit you out of the blue.

The price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted. Neil Gailman.

texaspete3 · 2022-08-26T16:17:43+00:00

What happens when you have some game and you are attractive is that you fall into the path of least resistance.

Why try for that 10 or 9 at the club where you have to exude so much energy and have great focus for 8 hours when you can just half ass it when a 6 or a 7 and get laid that night.

This is something we have all fallen into and its not bad its just where you're at. You feel entitled because they are a 6 or 7 so when they ghost you or move on from you its like being rejected by someone who shouldn't reject you.

What i do is make sure a i have a stable of like 10 7's. That know we aren't going to date but are down for good time. I try to not let these relationships last longer than a year and from time to time completely move on from them in order to focus on 10's. If you don't focus on 10's you will come across one one day and you will get blown out of the water.

stop being lazy challenge yourself to do better. WHat i did was start a bucket list of 10's i wanted. An actress, a model, a pornstar, a celebrity, This type of bucket list motivates you.

Swissmiss214 · 2022-08-26T16:07:00+00:00

Anxious attachment style maybe?

recyclablebanthas · 2022-08-27T07:34:40+00:00

In the end, obviously you have to take any of this feedback on the forum with a grain of salt. Some stuff will resonate with you and other stuff will not.

That said, here's my two cents.

1

I am a late 20s guy who never had much struggle attracting girls (ltr and ons) but still I am unsatisfied and feel like I have issues. I often meet girls who I am not that attracted/ dont see as a future prospect for various reasons but I still meet with them/ have sex and meet more often.

If you're not attracted to them or don't see them as a future prospect and you go there anyway, then that means you're violating your personal values/standards.

That can have a way of eroding something inside of you. Like when you're with someone who's not up to your standards then that reflects on you over time.

It can start to feel as if you are putting on an act and that the whole thing is a cynical exercise. When really it's just a function of you going through the whole seduction process with someone that you're not really into.

Or it's about you continuing with the process even after you've established that you're not really down.

The one is not optimal.

2

My standards are also real high because I only want to give up being single for a top tier girl.

It's worth it to have a sit down with yourself and really think about what top tier means to you. Because it's not some objective scale we're talking about here.

There's nothing unique about having your own personal standards for what you find attractive. If you pin anyone down, they're only going to want to settle down for someone they find attractive or top tier. The difference is whether or not they believe they are worthy of dating someone they find attractive.

3

I came to the conclusion that I just want THEM to ME.

I think there's a typo in this sentence? A word missing?

If you mean that you want them to come to you, then that is a specific decision with its own complications.

If that's the choice you're making, then that's going to eliminate a lot of good people from consideration.

4

Also I rarely meet any girls that I get a spark anymore and the girls who are like 9/10 who I could fall for I dont really approach (maybe I feel like I dont have chance/ fear of rejection?) so I am always stuck with girls that I could meet anytimes but I am not really into and then they confront me for not showing interest, only calling them for sex and so on. Like after 2 dates I know that it is going nowhere but I still keep dating them for like 4months till they eventually leave.

Unfortunately, it can be possible to unintentionally attune oneself to dysfunctional people and/or dysfunctional dating patterns.

Only you are going to be able to untangle this knot and figure out why you've chosen to eliminate from consideration pretty much anyone in front of you. Think about it:

If you're attracted to them and they don't approach, then you shut down. You might ask yourself why that is.
Then that leaves you with the women that you end up approaching, which means you automatically relegate them to casual only. Which is a deliberate choice at the end of the day.

5

The problem is that I am still somewhat dissapointed/frustrated/dobt myself when the girls stop texting, even though I dont even want to meet them.

This is really a secondary issue. Nobody wants to be lonely. So the dating that you do engage in is likely involved with that in some way.

Which means of course you're going to be disappointed when one of your dating situations winds down.

This probably means that you could use a more robust social network which includes real friends. If you have enough good people to lean on in your daily life for support and companionship, then you don't need to lean on the people you date for that.

If you don't have a good social network of friends then you'll be more apt to seek out what you're not getting from whoever you end up dating.

6

always the same for over 2 years.

2 years is not a long time at all.

What were you like before that?

7

Also, do you think it's possible you're unintentionally blurring the lines when you date people casually.

That can happen very easily if you are seeing someone too frequently or engaging in boyfriend/girlfriend like behavior when you meet them. Like holding hands or PDAs in general. Sweet talk, etc.

Of course that's going to confuse things.

grindforthegold · 2022-08-26T19:28:32+00:00

sounds like you just have high standards but aren’t at the mate value of your own standards. honestly man i fell in love with my ex and she wasn’t even that hot. but i really learned to love her for who she was and what she looked like a learned to love her imperfections. she was a lot like me and we got a long really well. unfortunately she was crazy. just don’t decide on a girl right when you meet her if you get along with her it’ll take a few dates and some time before you really bond like that

ElSoixanxico · 2022-08-30T22:07:07+00:00

Can't bring you any cents but I totally relate to your situation (especially about the "THEM to ME")!

Title	Seeking validation?
Author	Kindjump7
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	August 26, 2022 4:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wycwyg/seeking_validation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seeking-validation.1251168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1251168

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