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BigBubbaMac Archive

View 19 posts and 248 comments by BigBubbaMac on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
38

CourtBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 03:27 AM
34

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 09:38 PM
28

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:29 AM
16

CustodyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:27 AM
14

CustodyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:00 AM
13

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 12:02 AM
10

Spousal Support / AlimonyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:21 PM
10

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:36 AM
10

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:51 AM
9

Spousal Support / AlimonyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:17 AM
9

Spousal Support / AlimonyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:33 AM
9

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 09:26 PM
8

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 01:47 PM
7

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 04:47 AM
7

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 09:23 PM
6

Success StoriesBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:57 PM
3

RantBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 06:52 PM
3

CustodyBigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:41 AM
1

BigBubbaMac/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 03:49 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Is that a direct quote from Jesus?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 11:16 PM
2

13+ year marriage. Just over a year into the process. I'm still on a temporary order and the spousal support part is something around $750 which is about 20% of my taxable income. I am also asking the judge to rule on a domestic violence committed by her. In my state, a victim of domestic violence (me) are not supposed to pay their abuser (her). If that happens the alimony goes away.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 11:12 PM
4

No. Nobody asks me anything.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 02:56 PM
8

Free loading bum.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:13 PM
2

Easy for me to say but instead of focusing on the rage towards her, focus on the love you have for your self.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 04:37 AM
6

Same here. My life is great after I left her. Even after temporary support payments I have more money left over. She was such a drain on money and my mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 10:25 PM
2

What state has 26?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:23 PM
7

My relationship turned into the same dynamic. I realized that any ultimatum is simply manipulation. She issued her final ultimatum in marriage counseling. "Do XYZ and I'll consider staying". I said no. I was done. I wanted a divorce. Any time I met one of her demands the goal posts always shifted and I was done being manipulated. She the one that gave the ultimatum and was shocked. Tried to back peddle but my mind was made at that point and I never looked back.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:31 AM
3

Yes I'm better off financially. My ex refused to work so she was no help financially in the first place. So since the split she doesn't have free range to spend whatever she wants. She only gets what the court allowed her on a temporary basis. Plus I'm moving into a cheaper place so that adds to my financial security. Edit to add: Its just plain easier to stick to the budget.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 02:15 PM
2

Having your own feelings about it isn't downplaying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:42 PM
3

I dont care about fathers day. I really don't care about any holiday. But we do have a court ordered holiday schedule for stuff like that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:37 PM
2

My ex wanted to use a mediator then made it impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:19 PM
5

My ex said she wanted amicable but it quickly made it very contemptuous. Shes already proven that you can't trust her. I would proceed very cautiously.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:18 PM
5

No.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:16 PM
11

My divorce was a victory because I was trapped in a cycle of abuse. It got to a point at the end where I stopped responding to her the way she wanted, the emotional manipulation turned to our kids, the youngest started self harm and she became physically violent with me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:47 PM
3

I fought my hardest for the last 6 months leading up to me filing when I realized I had no idea who I was even fighting for. I realize people change but there is no remnant left of the person I married. Only a complete stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 09:19 PM
4

Good job man. I had to do the same thing ìn a similar situation. It was surreal that it had gotten that bad. File a restraining order to keep your self and kid protected. Let your ex stay at her dad's house and earn her right back to see your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 08:40 PM
1

Make sense. Mine also decided to self medicate with stolen opiods.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:51 PM
5

Tax purposes is a terrible reason to stay together. Does your counselor moonlight as a tax pro? My exes priorities are also in left field. All about money, ego, and trying to make the divorce as painful as possible for me. Kids are somewhere down the list.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 12:33 AM
2

Also a factor in my divorce but nobody talks about the way glp1 can negatively impact mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 08:20 PM
1

Also a male victim of DV once my ex wife came off her meds. Also a veteran, and I would say desensitized as well. At the time I was in therapy for service related PTSD and I finally realized that if the shoe was on the other foot I would be an abusive husband. When I brought it up and how it made me feel she basically doubled down.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 08:13 PM
6

The domestic violence against me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:20 PM
2

Your pension will be looked at by a forensic accountant. They will know everything there is to know about it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:49 AM
2

I also have reservations about the 2-2-3 schedule. Kids need stability and for them a schedule like that can seem sporadic and unorganized. You can come up with your own schedule that works better for your family. If your ex wants to fight about it, see if you have something like FCS available. They will hear both sides and make a recommendation that you both can either adopt willingly or have a judge make it an order. Its a free service in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:31 AM
3

My anger was rooted in betrayal and confusion. Once I realized that she doesn't live in reality and her version is rooted in delusion and ego I was able to let it go. I let her problems be hers to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 06:58 PM
4

The only problem I really see is your ex not participating. You shouldn't have to be the only one thinking about her, the kids or planning vacations. You're taking responsibility for her actions or lack there of. Even though your not perfect, it doesn't mean she's allowed to look past her own flaws or give her a pass to berate you and bring up old stuff like she is perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 04:00 PM
5

My ex and I had very similar values, interests and hobbies. I understand that all those things change, but her values started to include some version of some god she developed with Chat GPT. Anything she became interested in was always abandoned. Even though I was supportive of her, she kind of gave up. Stopped living life and of course I got the blame.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:16 AM
4

Sounds like she wanted a care taker and not a partner. You sound like you were taking all the responsibility for the family and trying to "fix" yourself too. Where is her accountability?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 07:59 PM
4

You can't force it. Grief is different for everyone. It might not feel like it now but these feelings will fade over time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:56 PM
4

My dog is my only friend at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 04:25 AM
1

- Has anyone else been in a situation like this and found a way forward? Yeah my situation was almost exactly like yours. The way forward for me was divorce. - How did you begin to make decisions, especially with children involved? Thinking about what's right for me and my kids. Someone unstable isn't good for them to be around. My daughter was starting to self harm because of my exes instability. - What helped you regain clarity and stability? Space and time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 06:37 PM
4

I'm safe from having those odd feelings. I never had her support during sickness or injury.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 11:32 PM
6

Yeah I kind of resemble that remark. I was and still am stable. She was living with a family member. After 13 years I'm divorcing her now and she's back living with that same family member.
/r/MensRights20/04/26 01:21 AM
1

Easy decision for me to file first. I live in a no fault state but it still makes a difference. There is still fault and just because the law says fault can't be considered, Judges still know there is a reason why one files.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 05:22 PM
5

Yeah this is the only real answer .
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:29 AM
5

National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 12:31 AM
3

Women blow up marriages for a lot more reasons than " feeling safe in a relationship".
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 12:12 AM
6

No not at all.. I did everything I could.. My ex was in a midlife crisis. Her mental health was an absolute mess. I begged her to get help for 6 months. She always said I just had to deal with it. Finally got her to agree to marriage counseling. She told the counselor that I was schizophrenic and I needed to be committed to a mental hospital. The counselor said there is absolutely no evidence to support her claim. The counselor was also talking with my personal therapist. Found out she was self …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:45 PM
10

My ex hits those points. She would like high conflict but I don't stoop to her level. Shes tried to smear me to the court but since I've been focused and reasonable since day one the court sees that. It's only high conflict if you participate.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:54 AM
8

Yeah. A familiar story. My ex got worse after we started counseling. She didn't like being told that she's responsible for her own feelings and that my feelings were valid. Only reason why she agreed to counseling was to try to get the counselor on her side.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:45 AM
1

Ask your local reddit page. Check their reviews online. Call some offices and ask them if they have anyone they would recommend if you don't choose their firm.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 06:44 PM
26

As a 21+ year vet I can assure you that the military doesn't care about active service members. They're just as replaceable as anyone else.
/r/MensRights07/04/26 07:55 PM
1

I have the same sentiment about the house.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:43 AM
1

Unreasonable is what I'm dealing with too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:42 AM
5

I have court Thursday to set spousal support and lawyers fees and pension split. Judge is most likely going to deviate from the standard state calculator. I'm expecting to pay $5K lawyers fees, $0 spousal support and 32% of my pension. All of which I'm ok with. I'd count that as a win if it goes as expected.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 10:44 PM
2

Take a note book. She's going to spew a bunch of stuff. Write it down so you don't have to try to remember when it's your turn to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 11:43 PM
1

I can't really help you but I (21 year veteran)was in a similar situation where my ex tried to get me to put hands on her. When I didn't react the way she wanted she's the one that got violent. I called the police and she got arrested. Unfortunately no jail time. But then she went in a campaign of trying to get me committed to a mental hospital. She wanted rid of me but to keep all the benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:02 PM
1

Maybe start with marriage counseling to find out why she said that but brother, the cat is out of the bag. That would immediately break any trust I had. I'd start planning the exit strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 04:34 AM
6

My ex always forced me to be the bad parent. Always the one to say no. She would literally stop me from what I was doing just to enforce the rules that she had set. One of many reasons why I left her. Since then, I have the luxury of being able to parent in an even style. Best thing I've ever done for my kids is leaving their mom.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 04:43 PM
1

I went to the court house. They had a little office that helped me with everything. It took all day but it was definitely worth it. No lawyer was involved at that time.
/r/MensRights03/04/26 02:11 PM
7

I had to get a restraining order against my ex. The kids and I are thriving since then. It's set to expire in May but it got her legally removed from the house and I filed for divorce. If she starts her shit again I'll go get another restraining order.
/r/MensRights02/04/26 08:31 PM
1

I wouldn't hold your breath. Family courts want your case off their dockett. If you want "compensation" in any shape or form you'll have to bring another case.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 02:45 AM
7

I feel your pain here. I have 85% custody and still pay her under a temporary plan. My ex is also voluntarily unemployed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 04:22 PM
1

You've already been feeling this way for a whole year. Things haven't gotten better. I'd hardly say you'd be jumping the gun. But if you haven't already opened up and tried to be seen or heard then that where you should start. If you have, then its probably a lost cause.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 06:19 PM
12

I left her because of her drug use.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 02:46 PM
2

Therapy helped me realize this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:51 AM
94

Quick story: My exes best friend broke up with her boyfriend. Few years later he was married. My exes friend slept with the guy knowing he was married. My ex said he was a piece of shit for cheating but she was justified for sleeping with him for closure. Mental gymnastics are insane for people like that.
/r/MensRights26/03/26 12:42 AM
10

I dont know where your at in the process but not everything in life is about looks, relationships or sex. The bright side is your done with your ex. Her cheating, lies and betrayal are all about HER being a piece of shit person. NOT you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 06:36 PM
5

I have 84% custody. My ex did the photo thing early on and it had no impact. She brought it up in court a couple weeks ago and Judge kind of said: yeah, and?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:30 PM
11

Mutual friends are already on her side. You won't be able to convince them otherwise. My last few years of marriage she was on a morality high horse in public but at home she was a terror. Hanging around women that were cheating on their husband's and women that were having sex with married men. But she found out that a neighbor cheated on his wife and all of a sudden I couldn't be friends with him and she had a screaming fit on the street about it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:56 PM
11

Empty promises. I can think back to when we were still dating they were empty. Zero respect for boundaries. Always gave up when things got hard.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:46 AM
2

As I go through divorce my ex has said some pretty nasty things to me. Made some pretty nasty false accusations to the court and lied about her drug use and all of her abuse. This falls under perjury but the courts won't do anything about it. Like you knowingly file information that is verifiable false, the court should automatically impute some sort of penalty.
/r/MensRights23/03/26 05:25 PM
0

You obviously didn't read the post.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:01 PM
0

Just ignore the BS. Let your lawyer tell you when to fight or defend.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:14 AM
15

I gave up porn and masturbation 9 months ago. Sex has been even longer. There is no physical difference that I can attribute to my celibacy.
/r/MensRights19/03/26 04:06 AM
15

I hate the fact that I lived this reality for far too long before I realized I was being abused.
/r/MensRights14/03/26 05:12 AM
-3

I'm sure it stings. I wouldn't say it automatically ends your friendship though. It's his wedding, his life, his wife. Being a friend doesn't give you unrestricted access to his life. Forget any sort of machismo and put yourself in his shoes. My best friend's wife is friends with my ex. My best friend asked me not to discuss any divorce stuff with him. As a friend I respect his boundaries. It all about perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 01:47 AM
4

I'm staying single and celibate at least until I'm fully divorced. Probably for longer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:04 PM
1

Wow. Your experience gives me further comfort that there are some good judges out there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:55 PM
2

I have kept my old card. It has 2% cash back on anything. I had no debt going into the divorce and 9 months into the process still haven't had to use it. Been paying my lawyer out of different savings accounts which are legally "marital assets". I have court today and I fully expect the judge to order her attorney fees be paid out of the same "marital assets". I'm hoping to get the order to include division of all other assets, including me buying out the house, so its like a one and done thing.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:25 PM
1

It was free mediation through the court. I got the cliff notes but the actual recommendation came a couple weeks later. Then had to wait for a court date to make it official.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:51 AM
1

I'm in CA. Mediation for us worked like we both had our chance to speak to the mediator separately because I have a restraining order against her. The mediator has a template she followed. I was allowed to add any info I thought was important. My ex got her turn. We didn't agree in anything. The mediator used information from both sides to come up with her recommendation that favored me. Either side can argue against the recommendation if they want to but in my case the judge went with it. My ne…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 10:10 PM
2

I think about what's important to me and those are the things I focus on. My ex committed DV on a disabled person who was recovering from unrelated surgery. (It was me). The DV is documented. She went to jail for it. Unfortunately the DA didn't press any charges. But she admitted to it in the police report and body camera. Language in my states laws say that a victim shouldn't have pay their abuser spousal support. So that's one of my biggest focus on getting the judge to enact that. Since the D…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 12:47 AM
2

I deal with this all the time. Sorry you're having to go through this. A lot of times I think it's from shame. They know they messed up and are trying to bait you into stooping into a he said / she said. My best solution is to just say ok and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 05:59 PM
2

Pics are all gone. If I could erase her from memory I would.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 04:24 AM
10

Yeah, for me it was like a swith flipped. Similar story. Her personality changed over six months and I scratched and clawed to make her happy but to no avail. In the end I she said some nasty things about me to her friends and to my face. Looking at her disgusts me. I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 11:28 PM
5

Unless there are legitimate disabilities, any sort of imputed income calculation should start at 30hs/week at minimum wage. Part time minimum wage isn't asking for the world, it's asking the party to be an adult and take care of themselves. A stay at home parent shouldn't be looked at as "sacrificing their career", because having a career isn't looked at as "sacrificing ones family" Stay at home parent shouldn't get any special treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:24 PM
3

Some good insight to have it reduced after a period of time. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 01:13 AM
2

Tell me how you played your ex's greed because I would love to have her agree to something. Right now between her greed and laziness there's no way to keep family court out of it. I've made some good faith offers that she declined so I hope that scores me a point at least.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 01:10 AM
2

Same boat for another 10.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:38 PM
3

I did the exact thing in reverse. Ignored her. I filed a police report for assault. The restraining order moved her out legally and then I got the lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:31 PM
9

Yeah. I have a friend couple that let me (single, Male 40+) pick up their daughter for play dates and sleepovers with my daughter. So I would have no problem letting another man watch my daughter. I would have to know them first. Not a stranger obviously. I would meet anyone first if I were to hire from a company and get a feel from that but I (for the most part) trust companies to vet their employees, considering the nature of the business.
/r/MensRights24/02/26 04:10 PM
1

Probably alimony, child support and a percentage of assets. Buying out or selling the house. Custody. The Settlement pretty much is the final order / decree.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 12:48 AM
1

I'm struggling too, but I know it's temporary and it will all be worth it. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 12:33 AM
4

Yeah almost nothing would surprise me at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 03:18 PM
3

An all too familiar story. It didn't end well for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 05:29 AM
1

My state uses a program. I'm not sure if every state does So now, before I have a final judgement I'm paying what the program says. My lawyer says our judge is good, and looks at facts and reason not just the program so he's confident that I won't get railroaded.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 06:55 PM
3

Brother don't get me started. Especially after her DV against me I don't know why I'm paying her anything. I'm working on it with my attorney. Hes confident with my case but we just have to wait for our court date.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 12:20 AM
1

I am a victim. I have a restraining order.
/r/MensRights15/02/26 03:54 AM
6

After supporting a deadbeat wife, if I ever enter another relationship she will have to be a self supporting woman.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 11:40 PM
9

No. Not even she was the last woman in earth and survival of the species depended on it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:32 PM
2

I'm 8 months into the process and this is how I'm handling it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:36 PM
6

Yeah. Definitely. Her sense of entitlement is insane.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:43 PM
3

That's why it's important to have anchoring outside of the marriage. Like having a strong foundation in mental, emotional and spiritual if you have a connection with it. If the only anchor you have is inside of it than divorce will shake the whole person. Having that outside anchor helps keep the rest of the structure stable while divorce is in process and afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 07:20 PM
3

Mine did all this and added in physical violence. I documented it all, she was arrested and I got a restraining order I believe it was a baiting tactic. I don't think she ever wanted it to be amicable because that would mean taking accountability. She needed me to be the bad guy so she could hide her own flaws. I've maintained the highroad and she's ordered into rehab for drug use and type of parenting therapy because she was found to be a neglectful mom by CPS
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 03:48 PM
1

Not specifically but it was a factor.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:38 PM
5

Courts can't make judgements for an 18 year old. Personally, I would agree to let my kid choose around 14 when they start high-school.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:22 AM
3

It's looking ok for me. She's going to get half of the assets and thats ok. I'll buy her out of the house with my half. Which might bring it down to zero but I'll be able to rebuild starting immediately. The house I own is in another state and I'm renting where we are getting divorced. I'm asking the judge to move back to the state where the house is due to cost of living benefits for the kids. If that gets denied I'll move into a cheaper rental and collect rent on the other house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 11:45 PM
1

I was and still am as quiet and tolerant as I can be. She gets super petty and I just keep on keeping on. Continuously taking the high road has given me much confidence because all of the declarations she's filed with the court filled with lies about me being abusive has really irritated the judge in our case. The judge sees that her words don't match her actions. Just don't simp and don't stoop.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 10:02 PM
1

I've been keeping the plants alive too because I just don't know what else to do with them. If I let them die off then I'll have a bunch of dying plants around. I could throw the dead plants away but then I still have all of the pots. I'm only staying in this house until the summer when my oldest graduates. When I move she will either have to take them or they will be a gift to my landlord. If he doesn't want them then the yard waste bin will take the few that I don't want.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 05:17 PM
5

It's valued and then the value is split monetarily upon the order of asset division. She won't get the physical item but you'll basically pay her half of the value to keep it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:50 PM
4

If you're done, you're still done. If you're truly not than try to work it out. Just don't get comfortable if she changes back to her old ways you need to be accountable to yourself and leave.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 12:54 AM
2

Good for him I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 08:21 PM
19

Your not alone. Being sad as a man is like handing out a free pass to get criticized. And under no circumstances can a man react negatively or else he's always angry. But if you don't react at all then you have no emotions. It's a trap either way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:09 AM
3

She moved out and I almost immediately started getting rid of all that crap. I was never given a say in it and now I have full control. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:01 PM
3

You love her but you're trying to not pay alimony? That's not love bro. That's you trying to screw her over on something she's probably entitled to because, as you mentioned, that's the mother of your son.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:23 AM
2

The resemblance is uncanny. Mine told our marriage counselor and police that I was mentally unstable, schizophrenic, suicidal and wanted me committed to a mental hospital.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 03:13 AM
2

This is literally my case. Drug use, violence, lies, laziness. She is voluntarily unemployed, mooching off her family...Three months ago, She took me to court on an emergency hearing for an immediate payout of 20k. Judge denied it. Havent heard about it since. Today at my lawyers suggestion, I offered to start paying her portion of my pension. She declined because she thinks she's entitled to more.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:53 PM
10

I feel you. I love my FIL but I won't reach out. I 100% don't believe he knows the truth about things but it's not my place. The funny part is my ex used to say she hated what her mom did to her dad in their divorce and she never wanted to be like her mother. On and on about how she respected her dad so much. Just to turn around and end up like her mother and doing the same thing to me that her mom did to her dad.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:05 AM
1

If your not understanding something, Don't be afraid to ask the judge questions. Also take a notebook and pen.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 03:40 PM
2

My ex was out of the house already. She was served in a parking lot after her visitation time was over. The process server waited until I had my daughter in my truck before approaching her. I left and didn't look back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 07:48 PM
-2

Yeah looking like the grown up isn't a concern of mine. I've got that covered. But thanks though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:28 AM
-2

I didn't mention it in the post but I did tell him I would take the dog Monday if he wasn't getting any better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:13 AM
8

He let the dog out after I went to bed. What would you have me do?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:08 AM
1

It's easier to hate and blame instead of taking any accountability. Her hate for you is more about her and less about you. It also tells you that your doing the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 04:00 PM
15

I don't care if she regrets anything. It doesn't matter if she ever takes responsibility or accountability. The marriage is over. Her feelings, opinions and thoughts about me don't have any weight.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:06 PM
3

No but sometimes I do think that is she was in a car accident and died it would solve everything.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:07 PM
6

Go in with stuff written down that you'd like to discuss but let her talk first and take notes. Respond to her from the notes you take and then get to the stuff you want. Even if you don't write stuff down beforehand, take a notebook to write stuff that she says down so you can respond appropriately. Not that it really matters in your circumstances but it shows the counselor that your taking it seriously and is an easy way to get a counselor to look at you favorably over your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 11:11 PM
3

People divorce over cheating all the time. But out of respect you should tell him that you cheated sooner rather than later. Leave it up to him if he wants to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 07:37 PM
5

That's the only response. I left my marriage because I fought and fought until I couldn't fight anymore. Just to have her tell me that I'm not doing enough. I was a shitty dad and husband and how weak of a man I was to give up and leave as soon as things got hard... She's delusional. She's lost touch with reality and has no perception of anything or anyone else.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 03:00 PM
3

Yeah same except for sex with other men as far as I know. I do suspect she had an affair a few years ago though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:50 AM
7

If the numbers work out and you at least break even I would fight it. I'd rather pay lawyers than my ex. Knock her down a few pegs from the pedestal of "entitlement"
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:35 AM
1

Some, maybe very few would say stay. Most people would say no. Your setting a bad example of relationship standards. Showing them it's ok to stay in miserable relstionship and you don't need to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 11:05 PM
13

The other day I grilled chicken thighs. My ex would pick apart, with her fingers, every single piece to find the parts. Not whole thighs, just the parts of each thigh, that she wanted. Iaughed out loud because I didn't have to eat demolished chicken I have grilled thighs since we split but this was the first time I remembered that she would do that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:42 PM
3

Mine was off the the day I knew I was going to file.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:55 PM
6

Yeah its worth a conversation with their mom. You'll need something more concrete other than "they told me". Can the kids legally record with out consent? Also 13/14 is dramatically different from 17/18 as far as maturity goes so you really want to make sure you have a full picture before you go in hot.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:40 PM
6

Right now my daughter is a bit too young to just flat out tell her and I don't want to stir up more drama while the divorce is still on going. Once the divorce is final, I'll tell her the truth if she asks.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:15 PM
3

She has no interest in the physical house. My strategy is after working the numbers it will be cheaper to keep the house instead of selling and buying something new or renting.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:43 AM
5

Yeah I'm keeping my house. She doesn't want anything to do with it except to be bought out. Which yeah fine. Whatever she gets will be negotiated. I'll have a house and she won't. It's not pride... it's strategic because property values always go up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:44 PM
3

In order to get me out of the picture and keep 100% of everything, She tried to have me committed to a mental hospital. She told cops and our marriage counselor that I was an untreated and dangerous schizophrenic and suicidal. After a brief conversation they both quickly decided that I wasn't either of those. Funny thing is now I have full custody, she was ordered to rehab and is working her way back to a 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:23 PM
4

How the hell did you get separated and fully divorced in 3 months?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:21 AM
2

I have one friend and my ex is or at least was his wifes friend. We were all friends so it made things weird a little bit because they were getting two different stories. His wife listened to my ex and he was listening to me. Naturally they would talk but since the stories didn't jive it cause them some issues on trying to make everything make sense. So I decided to stop confiding in my friend about the struggles I was having out of respect for his marriage. We are still friends and we do talk p…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 07:34 PM
4

You need professional help with this because your not being real with yourself. You already know what your problems are and your running from them, thinking that this other woman is the solution and she's telling you that she's not. She's set her boundaries so it's up to you to accept your position with her or walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:00 PM
3

It's normal to feel like that. It was a major decision and took a ton of courage from you...The cat is out of the bag and if you turn back now there will always be regrets. She'll always remember that you asked for a divorce and there the next opportunity she'll throw it in your face.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 03:19 PM
6

I silently grieved for about 6 months while I tried everything to make it work Her on the other hand probably only grieves because she lost her meal ticket and got her kids taken away.(I have 95% custody.)
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 03:03 AM
2

I'm in a similar boat in CA. Judges have the same discretion here and so far my ex isn't painting a good picture of herself. Filing frivolous emergency hearings, showing up late to court, false claims in multiple declarations which are easy to prove to be false. Shes also refuses to get a job. She says she going to enroll in school in the new year but we'll see. I already have primary custody because of her domestic violence and child neglect. I'm not looking for anything other than to be proper…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 04:40 PM
1

It's all to common of a story. Woman using man to get what they want and seemingly become less and less satisfied as time goes on. I always supported my ex but never once did she follow through on school or work. Just stayed home and acted like a victim of the patriarchy. Her friends would come and go like you described She would talk poorly about them when they were estranged and highly when they were reacquainted. Meanwhile sabotaging relationships that I had. I found myself alone and miserabl…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:33 PM
1

Divorce. There is absolutely no chance for reconciliation after her drug use, violence and probable infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:16 AM
2

Been solo for 6 months and it's the best because my ex always made things miserable. Honestly I don't even really care for Xmas and I'd be the happiest if I didn't have to participate at all.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:14 AM
3

I rooting for you. I was also trying to breath life into a dead marriage for a while. Stay strong brother. I'm 6 months separated and it's such a relief to be out of that situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:24 PM
4

This is my first single Xmas. Still going through the process but it is the best holiday season I've had in many years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:02 PM
8

I thought of making a similar post. I can't be the only one that's not hurt at all. I have no grief over any of this. I know that the problems we had weren't my problems. They were hers. I know I tried my best to keep the marriage. I left it all on the field. I literally couldn't give anymore effort. I'm happier, healthier and I haven't second guessed my decision to file for divorce at all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:48 AM
5

I was in a similar situation. Clarity is what helped me realize I was alone in the marriage. Clarity is was helped me realize her words and actions had secret meanings. Yes, I filed and since then clarity has been stacking up. I can piece together so many behaviors now it really brings a lot of the puzzle together.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 07:24 PM
1

Brother that's my ex too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 01:21 PM
1

No, nope, no way, never.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 01:20 PM
11

With my toxic ex, I wasn't able to be half the dad they deserved before. Now they're getting a much better father. So I don't think of it as the time, but of the quality
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 12:40 AM
3

As a kid I preferred playing around the dumpsters at my dad's trailer park than being at my mom's house with the big yard.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:43 PM
11

Yes and like the third time she shifted the goal post I realized it was just manipulation. I called her on it. She doubled down saying I was crazy and paranoid. and literally tried to have me committed to a mental hospital. If I agreed to go the marriage would be saved. I said no, I was done and I would rather be divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:48 AM
23

Zero accountability. Excuse after excuse of why it wasn't her fault and then bring some old stuff up about what I did years ago. Like I thought women were supposed to be more emotionally intelligent but it turns out they process emotions worse than men do. This is a huge red flag for me moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:22 AM
2

Ugh my ex was and still is a leach. She took me to court for an emergency hearing which was just a money grab. The judge dismissed it and told her to go about it the right way and stop wasting the courts time. That was a month ago and she still hasn't made a proposal. It shows me that she wants an easy pay out that she won't have to work for and she's not in that dire of a need for financial support. I hope that it shows the court the same thing. Like it just doesn't make sense to make an emerge…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:11 AM
3

I was in a similar situation. I asked her to move to her aunts house because she lives near by and she refused. We couldn't afford me to move out and I dont have anybody in this state. I changed my whole schedule so I wouldn't be around her. I went to bed early and would wake up at 2 in the morning so I would have some peace. The times where we crossed paths I just ignored her. She'd try to get me to respond and I just said we can talk in marriage counseling. One night she got pissed enough to h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 01:51 AM
2

I'm waiting on a proposal from her. TBH I thought I would have one by now. She took me to court for an emergency hearing over money. The judge basically told us to figure it out. So I expected a proposal pretty quickly because of how "desperate" she was for money but she hasn't even done what the judge said. Honestly most assets I don't care about. Mostly I want to maintain primary custody and I'm going ask the court to allow me to move with my kids to a cheaper state so when they rule on an ali…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:03 PM
2

In the US police can't charge you. They arrest you and the DA makes charges. If you weren't arrested or served a court summons I'd say you are fine for now. But I'd consult a lawyer and give him/her more details than you wrote here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 02:28 PM
5

She lied to her attorney. The attorney only knows what she's been told. My ex is on lawyer number two. Once the truth started coming out her first lawyer dumped her. Now her second lawyer isn't too happy with her either.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:18 PM
1

Just about every single one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:06 PM
8

I wish I would have know this before I got married because it turned out to be 100% true. The funny thing is my ex always said her mom was unfair and took advantage of her dad and she ended up exactly like her mother.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:03 PM
4

I would record. I did record and it was enough to get a restraining order. My ex tried to get one after I got mine against her but it was denied because I had the proof of the recording If she's already saying you abuse her, it's a matter of time before she goes and gets one against you. The burden of proof is a lot less for women. You gotta start thinking about protecting yourself
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 02:33 AM
14

It's never enough. I provided a life with decent income. I retired which we talked about and planned for but all of a sudden I was a piece of crap and a deadbeat. It was eye opening how I was just a meal ticket. I'm glad to be rid of her no matter what the financial cost will turn out to be.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:34 PM
3

I just deleted them all off my phone and all social media. I went through all the printed pictures and anything with her in it including her childhood and early adult life is in a box in the garage. She's lucky I haven't thrown them in the trash..
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:36 AM
5

I have electronic communication written into the parenting plan. It's only to be done via the family wizard app that was court ordered and it will only be done at the kitchen table. But my ex has to be 90 days sober first verified by her rehab program. And even then it's extremely limited and not mandatory for our daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 03:12 PM
2

Ask how to deal with potential silver bullet restraining orders with false accusations. I would expect her to start a smear campaign and accuse you of all kinds of stuff. At the end of the day take the high road. Don't get involved in he said she said. If things get heated start recording, leave the house and call police. This really saved me because the moment she realized I was seriously done with her she lost any sort of rationality.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 11:30 PM
3

Mine was 10+. I retired a little after I was pension eligible because of health reasons. Thats when it became obvious that how extremely materialistic she was. She needed to live off of my "status" at work so she felt like somebody. And since I retired I no longer had to grind and she felt like I was just being lazy. Like I didn't deserve to relax. 6 months later she assaulted me in a drug fueled rage. Called me all the names tried using the kids against me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 11:59 PM
5

Isn't a tik tok addiction mandatory to be a nurse these days?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 08:55 PM
20

I've always thought a stay at home parent had it on easy street but since I was working I didn't really know so I took her word for how hard it was. Now that I'm single with full custody and chose to homeschooling instead of traditional school I know it's an easy gig. It is seriously not that hard to get the laundry, cleaning, dishes, cooking, schooling, swim lessons, gymnastics, doctors appointments, weekly therapy, outside chores, taking care of the dogs, and still get a solid workout in my ga…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:35 PM
1

This is where I'm at. About 80% sure she cheated on me but I don't have actual proof. Everything lines up though. If I found definite proof I wouldn't be surprised, hell I wouldn't even be mad, I'd probably just laugh it off because it figures she would.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 07:18 PM
4

I knew she'd never take accountability for her actions and for a few months I wanted her to. I realized one day that no matter how this all shakes out, I'll still be in a better position without her. She's a bum and a deadbeat mom. I know part of her just wants to abandon our daughter but is so afraid of other people finding out what a piece of garbage she is.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 01:19 AM
5

I think marriage counseling did work as intended. I don't believe it is meant to always keep the marriage I think it is designed to realize if the marriage is salvageable. Mine wasn't salvageable. Counseling completed. But to answer your question, she refused to take any sort of accountability. She'd lie in counseling and I'd call her on it. Then she'd try to "explain what she meant". The counselor wasn't buying it and my ex turned herself into a victim. Everyone else was the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 03:07 PM
4

Like a bandaid. You just have to do it and hang onto that clarity no matter what. If you lose the clarity you'll falter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 03:49 AM
2

A solid pick.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:22 PM
1

Brother mine physically assaulted me. I called police she admitted it in the police report and on the cops body camera. She was arrested. The next day she was telling people that I abused her and they wrongly arrested her instead of me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 04:07 AM
1

It's not gay if your underway.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:00 AM
2

I don't have those what ifs. I left it all on the table trying to save it. My what ifs are more about what if the judge rules one way or another. For these I try to realistically understand the worst and best case scenario. I'll probably land somewhere in the middle. And I have a realistic plan for the worst and middle. I use logic and reason. I know other people are under no obligation to do the same so I plan for that too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 05:09 AM
3

My lawyer didn't tell me that directly but we did discuss possible outcomes. Best and worst. So I did come to that realization through that discussion. Considering all the circumstances and if the judge is reasonable and actually considers what the best interest of our daughter is, I definitely don't think the judge will rule for the worst but I am mentally prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:23 PM
2

Not really sure his username would blend in on the women's sub.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 11:38 PM
4

I was in the exact same boat. Things only got worse after we started couples counseling. Counselor said they wouldn't see us anymore because my ex wasn't "showing up".
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 02:06 PM
1

After she assaulted me the DA wouldn't bring charges and I was basically told it was because men can't be DV victims.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 04:18 PM
6

This is my first single TG. I'm going to a Chinese place alone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 10:05 PM
4

Dang that sucks. I really don't care about any other assets but this just bothers me. Stay in an abusive marriage or leave and continue to be abused by the system. It seems like there's no escaping abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:53 AM
2

Do you have a restraining order? If so, I'd agree with your counsel. If not then I guess you could argue your point but I would then argue that you are being a neglectful dad for willingly subjecting your kids to the drinking and verbal abuse. You should at least try to get a restraining order if you don't have one. Even if it gets denied then at least you have proof that you were concerned enough to ask for one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 10:20 PM
9

I'm still deeply in the process and currently have no intention to date any time soon, but your post paints a pretty good picture. Stories like this do help reinforce my commitments to keeping all my energy focused on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 04:29 PM
2

Judge was already annoyed at the "emergency" my lawyer and I thought it best to not push today and address it later.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:45 AM
1

I got one because my ex assaulted me. I wasn't hurt badly but she was arrested, I had a police report and pictures. I think it has really helped me out and helped drive the process forward. I don't think the judge will grant a permanent one but by the time it expires it will be almost a year. And hopefully by then we will have all the major divorce stuff out of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 09:48 PM
1

You nailed it exactly. I just got out. It did set some ground work for the financial discussion. So it wasn't a complete waste of time and I'd call it a win for me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 06:21 PM
2

Yes. Thankfully.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 01:00 PM
1

From the start I've taken the high road while she keeps getting nastier and your right. I do think the judge is figuring things out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 12:59 PM
1

Honestly I'm not trying to screw her over the way she's trying to screw me. I'm taking the higher road and she's getting nastier and nastier because I won't stoop to her level.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 12:56 PM
2

As far as i can tell it's just a money grab. My lawyer is pretty confident that there is no emergency here and the judge will say the same.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 12:52 PM
4

I don't really know anything about it except what she's asking for and to be there at 8:30
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:43 AM
-2

She has the opportunity to reconnect with you because she sees you thriving, not pleading This backfires sometimes because s/he sees you thriving and makes them feel worse about themselves. Some wo/men want pleading as a form of control
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:46 PM
4

Shes required to submit drug test or tox screens to the court for increased visitation. Right now I have 95% and she has 5% and she has to be supervised at all times during visits.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 12:00 AM
2

My current judge took it seriously when my ex DV'd me in front of the kids. She's currently ordered to go to a rehab program. Judge is wants to give her a few chances to get her shit together for a 50/50 outcome. My judge also will take consideration of the kids over the desired 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 10:46 PM
14

My ex was a SAHM. I worked full time, did homework with kids, walked the dogs, made dinner, did laundry when needed maintained the yard and both vehicles. She did two thing, dishes because I always did them wrong and she would vacuum incessantly until the thing ran out of battery. Eventually, dishes stopped getting done and I stepped up to do that too so at the end the only thing she would do was vacuum. The kicker is she would only vacuum when everyone was home. The rest of the day she filled w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 10:39 PM
5

Menopause is a real nightmare but if she's refusing to get help through it then it's a cop out. She can't expect to treat you like shit and just blame menopause. At least that's part of my story.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 09:00 PM
5

Thats a major component in my story. Ozempic or any GLP-1 comes with a change in brain chemistry that doesn't get talked about.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 05:24 PM
11

I threatened that once while she was shoving me and she laughed and said go ahead. So I did she was arrested and I got a restraining order. Her smear campaign got so nasty that I have no doubt that calling the police and getting a restraining order literally saved me from being broke and homeless.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 02:27 PM
2

I honestly hope my ex goes back to her maiden name.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 04:55 AM
1

Drugs. Mainly prescription pills.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 02:06 AM
5

A narcissist seeing a therapist can be dangerous. They lie to the therapist and gain validation to say that they're not the problem and you are.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 07:26 PM
6

I feel sorry for you man. My STBX is the best I had too. But now, after everything she's said and done, I am absolutely disgusted by the sight of her. The only way I would touch her is if she uncontested the divorce and walked away from me and my daughter forever.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:03 PM
1

This is where I am. It's such a nuanced situation, sometimes I feel like being cheated on would be better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:15 AM
4

Your first sentence is spot on, however "man up" isn't helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:57 AM
3

I'm not going to hide anything. My ex though continues to lie and omit details. I currently have full custody and everyone knows that courts don't give full custody to dads for no reason.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 02:05 PM
1

I also had to Google it. I've never read or watched a single Harry potter
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 01:52 PM
1

Bro, I feel your frustration. There are so many parallels to my story. I was willing to sleep in my truck at my worst point. I think I am fortunate in the fact that she got hooked on prescription pills and got physically violent. I was able to get a restraining order and have her legally removed from the house. Is there any way to move just enough stuff in the garage for a sleeping area?
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:01 PM
3

Yeah that tracks. New friends probably putting new ideas into her head telling her the grass is greener. Definitely happened in my relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 05:15 PM
2

My lawyer has requested it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 04:55 PM
2

Mine actually put her hands on me. I called 911 She admitted to it in front of the officers and was arrested. Now she denies that she hit ever hit me. I made it all up and I have actually been abusing her for years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:11 PM
5

We had our daughter in soccer. The coach was overwhelmed so I stepped in to help out wrangle the kids and keep drills moving along. My ex was literally devastated that my daughter didn't fall in love with soccer the way she did and spent her time on the sidelines sulking while I helped keep my daughter motivated enough to not quit the team. But she and her aunt both wrote statements to the court that I am an uninvolved parent. That I don't let her see or have friends. Like I didn't take her to t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:04 PM
4

Just curious if she has single friends of friends that just got new boyfriends? That combined with menopause seems to be a common theme. It sucks to be used and discarded.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 01:52 PM
8

Personally I don't think so. I'm not out trying to meet any one but I really wouldn't care if she was. It's been 5 months and I'm over her. I'm just focused on my daughter and keeping the divorce process moving. I'm going to keep on moving forward with my head held high.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:49 PM
11

Shes right. It's a harsh truth but it is true.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:39 PM
1

I have full custody and my ex wife has supervised visitation. One night she started yelling, I walked away, she followed me and started beating on me. She was taken to jail for DV. She was also high on pills. I got the restraining order that set our current arrangement. 4 months she denied getting high which she finally said she only did the one time but that's BS. She still denies that the DV even happened...
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 04:16 AM
3

I had them come to my house after my wife went to jail for DV against me. I was literally in my sleeping clothes and just told the truth. Some keys are dont bad mouth your wife. Don't talk yourself up. If you don't know, say I don't know. Keep the kids health and safety number one priority.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:38 PM
14

I realize how dishonest and selfish she actually is. She would make so made up so much stuff and I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was my wife but it was all in an effort to make herself look better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:27 PM
1

Thats far from my experience. But maybe I'm the anomaly.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:04 AM
10

Ultimatums are purely manipulation and giving one is such a selfish game. People who give ultimatums prove that they don't give a shit about about anyone but themselves
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 08:38 PM
6

Smart to just address it at the custody thing. You should have your kids pass code until a certain age. Whatever that is, is up to you. But definitely not worth starting drama over that can be handled in a simpler way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:47 PM
3

Same boat. I just did everything myself. Even if she was making sandwiches for our kids and friends and friends kids I would have to make my own. The reason? I'm too picky and it's too difficult to not put mayo on one sandwhich.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:37 PM
8

Mine was pretty much gone for months beforehand too. She wanted out but wanted me to be the bad guy. Her never married friend got a new boyfriend and he just let her walk all over him. Couples counseling was also my idea and I basically had to force her to go. Once there it was the same story. Moving the goal posts, bringing up things that happened 2 years ago. Which is funny because they say men don't communicate but holding onto old stuff shows how inept some women are at communication. No mat…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:18 PM
7

I'm pretty sure pary of the reason my ex threw out 10+ year marriage is because she saw her best friend get into a new relationship and she was jealous of them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 09:45 PM
17

Sometimes not helping and letting them fall on their face is the most compassionate thing you can do for someone
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:19 AM
6

My ex took mine and pawned it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:27 AM
6

My ex claims some wild stuff. I have a restraining order against her. Shes tried to get cops, lawyers, mediators and the judge on her side with lies but none of them are buying it. It used to bother me but now I just laugh it off. When we go to trial, she and her "witnesses" will either have to commit perjury or admit to lying this whole time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 06:56 PM
4

I'm still in the process with at least 4 court dates to go but my life is already so much better. Best decision I've recently made.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 01:46 PM
4

Mine treated me like a paycheck By the third ultimatum I realized she was seeing how far she manipulate me.. Thats when I decided she can go ahead get out
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:20 AM
11

No you aren't a narcissist. You seem like a better dad than she is a mom. Your priorities seem to be your kids and stability. Women that walk away are in the manner you're speaking are terrible at communication, and are more likely to be narcissistic because instead of learning to communicate in an effective manner they decide to dump all blame on you and leave. These are the same women that bring up old arguments. They truly can never forgive mistakes and take everything as an attack. Thing lik…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 04:24 PM
1

Congratulations, Unfortunately I don't forsee my ex growing at all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:06 PM
1

I would file. There's a chance that she never actually does. In my case, even though she gave the ultimatums, and said she wanted a divorce, she didnt really want a divorce she just wanted to control everything. She expected me to bend to her new and unrealistic demands. So if I never filed it never would have been done.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 02:36 PM
2

Not my story. My ex chose drugs and violence. I don't have any evidence of her cheating but if I did find out she was, I wouldn't be surprised.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:52 AM
6

I let her get comfortable crossing my boundaries. So when I started getting my mental health together and sticking to them it didn't go over well at all.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:58 AM
3

I feel for you man. My ex is also a spendthrift that has flat out refused to work. I'm still in the process but I have full custody of my kids because of a RO due to her violence. I have so much anxiety that I, the victim of domestic violence, will be forced to pay my abuser anything.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:34 PM
3

Shes building a case to gain more custody of the kids by saying you don't participate and subsequently she will as for more money and you'll probably be on the hook for it. If she's so far behind in bills that's her problem.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 02:13 PM
3

Did your spouses therapist tell you directly or did your spouse tell you that's what her therapist said? Either way you don't need to and you absolutely shouldn't take that advice. It's a conflict of interest at the very least. My ex told our marriage counselor that I needed to be committed to a mental hospital. The counselor flat out said no I didn't and she needed to work on herself instead of focusing on me. My own therapist said he would write a letter to the court on my behalf stating his o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:45 PM
2

My ex has said it. I don't suspect cheating but I wouldn't be surprised if I found out she did. I took it to mean that we were just in a rut. Sometimes that happens. Now I see it differently. Like stuff like that doesn't need to be said unless there's and ulterior motive. She gave me ultimatums and that is when i realized she already had one foot out the door and ready to leave if I don't give her what she wants. I chose the door for her. I won't be manipulated like that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:26 AM
4

I got a RO against her after she assaulted me. My ex say all kinds of stuff too. She's told the cops, her lawyers and the court mediator that I'm an unstable schizophrenic and have spent time in the mental hospital. She says I have physically and financially abused her, and "baited her" to use drugs. None of its true. Its all lies. Nobody besides her friends actually believe her. I'm just letting her dig her own hole. She and her friends will either have to lie under oath or tell the truth and a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:32 AM
5

I lived it for 14 years. I got gaslit so much I gave up hope. I was absolutely miserable. I got on meds, quit drinking and exercised and still miserable. When I was at my worst she said she was happier than ever. I couldn't understand how she viewed things so differently than I did. She would never wait to watch a show together with me. She'd watch TV all day and when I wanted to watch the shows with her she had already seen it, so she would go out with friends. Every birthday I wanted brownies,…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 05:42 PM
3

Not too bad at the moment. Custody mediation went my way. So now it's up to the judge to decide how she wants to rule on that. The STBXW pulled some shady stuff with a rental property which violates both the DVRO and the standard dissolution RO's. It took about 2 weeks to get that situation back to normal. And that's ok because it will get brought up against her in court. She just needs to keep digging her hole and I just need to keep taking high road.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 01:43 PM
3

You showing up for your kids, she shows up for herself. Just keep taking the high road. Your kids will notice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:58 PM
6

Ohhh brother. Your experience and my experience are eerily similar. Shes been out of the house now for about 3 months. I have full legal custody and my kids are happier and things are so much better, clearer, and stable. My ex got physically violent twice where I had to call police. But over the years There were so many red flags that she developed through out our marriage I couldn't see them. Once I realized that if I were doing to her, what she was doing to me it would be called abuse my world…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:07 PM
20

Lots of good advice here. I left my ex because she got violent twice and the constant barrage of insults she threw at me. Try your best to always take the high road. Courts and lawyers want to see you prioritize those kids. They don't want to see you focus on your feelings about your ex. Your getting divorce so they already know how you feel about her. My ex has spent months now trying to get someone to believe her lies about me but both times when have been in court it has gone heavily in my fa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:46 PM
4

Congrats man. This is a huge milestone. I'm in the process and celebrating the little wins as they come.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:12 PM
3

Mine transfered herself 10k and cleaned out a safe. As long as I have full custody she isn't getting shit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 04:15 AM
13

Brother... when my STBXW started spilling this sort of talk it really opened my eyes. I know I'm not the awful person she accuses me of being. I know she says nasty things about me to cover up her own insecurities. But true or not, it's abuse. People that really love you don't say those things even when their mad.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 09:10 AM
17

Classic story of the grass being greener on the other side. I know it's part the reason.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 05:58 PM
1

You don't need a man's perspective. You seem to paint yourself as a victim and we have no way of telling if this is accurate or not. It also seems like you have your mind made up so just plan it out and act it out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 04:23 PM
13

You shouldn't be having kids with a woman you're not attracted too. Pregnancy will make her body less attractive. You should get out of the marriage before it gets complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 09:40 PM
1

I have a TRO in place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 05:05 PM
9

I have taken a vow of celibacy. Sex is one less thing to worry about. I turn that energy into improving my mental health and focusing on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 04:10 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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